Bartlett’s Obscure Header Finally Condemns Southwell To
the Workhouse
Southwell City 0
Mickleover Royals 2
Arriving at Southwell to find a welcome on a blackboard for
The Bodging and me was unique and humbling, as Royals’ Peter Aliguma sat in
front of it receiving some last-minute physiotherapy on a bar chair. Surreal.
The game was surreal too, following a strong start by the visitors, including a
demonstration of wayward finishing by the unfortunate Josh Gregory in
particular and then a sudden downturn in the friendly proceedings, when a trio
of City players did not agree with decisions made by the referee, who after
all, wasn’t going to change his mind, a point desperately made by home skipper
Rob Haigh into the faces of his errant colleagues Markell Bailey, Nathan Kelly
and later, Tariq Nadif, all of whom lifted the art of arguing to a new level of
irritation for the officials. Hence, the game was interrupted by needless
delays, ending up with the rather highly-strung referee cautioning some Royals
players for virtually every tackle made near the end… However, a smart Davy
Hamson lob and a late apology of a goal by another replacement, Sam Bartram,
won the game for Mickleover.
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Southwell races begin... |
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Who is looking at what? |
Left-sided attacker Adam Birch was the first to test Dom
Chatfield of City with a fast break but his decent centre was too far ahead of
his fellow forwards and Southwell breathed again, until a fine pass by Danny
Martin, who started the game so well for the guests, found the speedy Nashan
Wilson, also on the left-flank and he reached the byeline, pushed over a short
low centre to Gregory, but the striker lifted his effort over the crossbar from
3 yards, to his own disbelief. A fine right-side free-kick by Martin was
emphatically headed downwards into the net by Jordan Simpson but the effort was
nullified by a linesman’s flag, which seemed to puzzle lots of people. Me too,
at the time. Gregory again managed to miscue, after muscling Haigh off the
ball, which had been punted, wind-assisted, a long way by ‘keeper Ash Warner;
this time Gregory’s lob’s trajectory was high and wide. Matt Bowles
found a little space on the left, at an angle for Southwell but Warner beat
away the near post shot and Royals cleared. A forward thrust by Aliguma for the
visitors resulted in a square pass for the unlucky Shaun Roberts, for he was to
suffer an early injury and although his low 25 yard shot was not going to beat
goalie Alex Smith, the ‘keeper kind of shovelled the ball sideways like he was
shooing next door’s cat out of his back door.
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Concentration... |
Southwell finally yawned into attack and Bailey’s low
delivery from the right byeline ensured that Warner’s knees collected the odd
grass stain or two, then Mickleover’s Birch fastened onto his ‘keeper’s huge
punt, which might have earned applause from Kansas City Chiefs fans at
Arrowhead Stadium, but the winger was unable to connect with the strangely out
of sorts Ash Foster. Then a rather strange incident occurred, for it served to
provide the first break in play, which certainly affected Mickleover’s
dominance. A left-wing corner by Foster was headed out, Wilson ran in and fired
a powerful shot from just inside the penalty-box, as Bailey barged into him,
before the ball fell to Foster again and Smith did really well to save his shot
with flailing feet. The referee then mysteriously penalised Bailey’s challenge
but after consulting the linesman, positioned the offence as outside the
penalty-area. All very weird. Martin, seemingly some hours later, clipped the
free-kick well off target and his face read: “Oh, gosh, what a rotten shot…”
Maybe.
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Wilson is tended to... |
Martin then moved forward like he was auditioning for
Strictly Come Line-Dancing, with a dashing selection of step-overs, but then,
er, he was dispossessed. Nice though. Scary home defender Jake Edwards managed
to get his head to, but was unable to direct, Kelly’s right-side flag-kick in a
rare sortie forward by the hosts and then Chris, one of the two busy, bright,
bubbly Bowles brothers in the City midfield, whose mum discussed the game with
me on the touchline, crossed dangerously towards the far post, where jumpers
missed the ball completely. Edwards’ headed clearance offered Gregory a
shooting chance from 19 yards, which was deflected over the crossbar by a
defender’s body, then Ash Lynch was unable to turn the ensuing right-flank corner
into goal at the far stick at full stretch. Aliguma’s fine interception ended
with a pass to Foster but when he fed Roberts, the midfielder’s effort at goal
was errant.
And then we had delay number two, after Aliguma had been
hacked at, albeit not too unpleasantly, by Matt Bowles but Kelly somehow became
involved, like it was a squabble over a lager on the island of Zakynthos. Fists
and slaps were threatened, players milled around, Bailey and Aliguma were
heavily involved and the referee finally, after a word with the nearby
linesman, cautioned Kelly, who was mightily unhappy and carried on his
complaints, which the official was too lenient with, in truth. After what
seemed like two more hours of harrowing time wastage, the free-kick was about
to be taken but Bailey decided to stand just three yards away and despite the
referee’s invitations and then insistence and then orders, Bailey moved only a
few more paces away. He was cautioned, rightly, but still carried on
complaining and it was amazing even to home fans that he wasn’t duly dismissed.
Eventually, the game restarted.
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Aliguma (5) objects but is sensibly held back by an opponent... |
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Kelly (10) is harassed but what is Roberts (8) saying? Maybe: "Gosh, my good man, please calm down..." |
Mickleover’s Birch and team-mates had been flagged offside
too many times but credit must go to City skipper Haigh, who had not only
attempted to talk sense into Bailey and Kelly, but also defended superbly. Lyam
Webster then surprisingly mugged Aliguma at the near post, twisted and fired an
8 yard shot across the face of goal, an incident which visibly shook the
visitors. Nadif then fouled Wilson badly but was so upset to escape a caution,
that he did it again, to Simpson this time but the official probably didn’t
want another delay, in case his Pukka Pie went cold and failed again to show
the defender a yellow card. Hamson set up Gregory at inside-right but again the
forward lifted a 15 yard effort off target, before soon, the visitors were
deservedly ahead. Hamson battled successfully with Edwards for Simpson’s long
ball forward (let’s call it a measured pass…) and cleverly lobbed the helpless
Smith from 23 yards. It remained only for Simpson to rise and powerfully head
Martin’s right-side corner only just over the crossbar then the official blew
his whistle for a break.
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Hamson (14) has opened the scoring... |
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Wilson (7) appears interested but has planted his feet... |
Hamson broke forward at inside-right and against the wind in
the early stages of the second period and although he was well marshalled by
the home defence, he managed to square a pass for Foster to strike but the end
product was very disappointing and the ball flew well wide from 23 yards. Then
delay three occurred, following a challenge on Foster by the walking-on-tightrope
City left-back Nadif, who was duly cautioned, probably more as a result of his
two previous misdemeanours in all honesty. Nadif, however, was apoplectic about
this, complaining to the linesman in particular, who smiled like a particularly
nice grandpa, who has received grey socks for Christmas before. Eventually, the
game restarted but it was interrupted again by the withdrawal of Edwards and
quiet striker Jonny Upton for the hosts and the introduction of the impressive
Blair Bryant and also Rick Robinson.
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Haigh pleads with the referee... |
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The shielding Aliguma... |
A superb tackle by Lynch on Kelly saved his Royals team then
Chris Bowles (I think) tested Warner with a clipped shot, which the ‘keeper
caught under his crossbar and after Sam Bartram replaced Gregory for the
visitors, Lynch challenged Kelly and was cautioned for a rare foul. Joe
Brockley, a real badger-like name, replaced the by-now less effective Birch for
Royals then we experienced another long delay, caused mainly by Nadif, who was
in quite a ruffled state, shall I say… Kelly took a free-kick shot from 22
yards, Warner beat it upwards like he had just joined a beach volleyball team
in Brazil and somehow the visitors scrambled the ball clear, as a City player
claimed he was pushed over; Wilson then broke away on the right for Mickleover but
Kelly chased him, purposely and willingly. There was a coming together but
Wilson kept going, only for Kelly to launch himself into a desperate tackle; he
caught Wilson on an ankle, but the winger ran on after a stumble, eventually
being dispossessed. However, the official decided that Kelly’s challenge had
been worthy of a second-yellow card, then obviously a red one too and so Kelly
made a long walk to the clubhouse, no doubt hoping to get the pick of the
post-match sandwiches. Nadif really bellowed at the grey-haired, smiley
linesman though, suggesting that the assistant would lose sleep on the incident. The
official, totally calm, told me he wouldn’t…
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Bartram has arrived at the races... |
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"Let's build a wall, chaps..." suggests Lynch (3)... |
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Kelly is dismissed... |
A man down, City looked like they were a man up, as they
fought to win a point and only a hacked clearance by visiting skipper Martin
saved his goalie, when Warner could only flick on a dangerous right-side
corner, which had been conceded by a panicky Lynch. A foul by Foster brought a
yellow-card reaction by the official, to Foster’s amazement and after Southwell’s
Chris Bowles had been replaced by the tall Stefen Whiteley, Bartram made ground
for the guests, collided with a defender, fell over and when the play ended, he
received a caution from the tough-to-figure referee. Oli Buxton committed a
foul and to the abject shock of the Mickleover defender, he was also booked, as
the proceedings began to resemble a sit-com. Whiteley took responsibility for a
30 yard free-kick for Southwell and skied the ball way off target and then City
conceded a strange goal to confirm their loss. Aliguma moved the ball forward
to Brockley in the inside-left channel, who clipped a right-footer towards the
penalty-area and Bartram pulled away from Haigh to lift a difficult header
goalwards but Smith, following the ball as it bounced, suddenly realised that
it might be sneaking inside the left upright and began to grab at the ball,
like it was a sheep attempting to escape a shearing and the ‘keeper could only
bat the ball against the netting inside the post.
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Wilson (7) congratulates Bartram... |
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Royals' relief... |
Martin was then cruelly cautioned for his first real
challenge of the day, as the referee maybe sought to appease Southwell’s
grievances somewhat but from what would prove to be the final corner of the
game, Whiteley rose to head Bailey’s right-wing delivery into the top of a tree.
As you do. The game ended with another away victory for Royals and a
disappointing outcome in many ways for City, not the least of which was a lack
of discipline from a few players. Haigh was excellent for the majority of this
match and the Bowles brothers were inventive in midfield on occasions; Kelly
and Bailey had shown ability on offense but in truth, the visitors, with
Aliguma and Simpson ferocious in defence, Martin fairly creative at times in
midfield and Hamson lively in attack, deserved the victory, despite lacking in
creativity from Roberts’ short time on the pitch and from Foster’s performance,
which saw him unable to get onto the ball enough to affect the offensive
play.
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Handshakes... |
Teams:
Southwell:
Alex Smith, Jake Edwards, Tarik Nadif; Rob Haigh (Capt), Dom Chatfield,
Matt Bowles; Markell Bailey, Chris Bowles, Jonny Upton, Nathan Kelly, Lyam
Webster.
Subs: Rick Robinson, Jake Glover, Blair Bryant, Calum
Law, Stefen Whiteley.
Mickleover:
Ash Warner, Oli Buxton, Ash Lynch; Jordan Simpson, Peter Aliguma, Danny
Martin (Capt); Nashan Wilson, Shaun Roberts, Josh Gregory, Ash Foster, Adam
Birch.
Subs: Joe Brockley, Davy Hamson, Sam Bartram, Owen
Brown, James Buck.
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