COVENTRY UNITED 5-2 EARLSWOOD TOWN: light-hearted match report by THE MOWDOG...

Lethal First-Half Salvo Leaves Plucky Earls Too Much To Do

Coventry United 5-2 Earlswood Town

The Earls seemed so mesmerised by the image of Lady Godiva on their opponents’ badges, that they were 3-0 behind before they began to display some resilience. Striker Zak Lyons struck the home crossbar twice, scored too, but only a fine reaction save by Joe Connor, returning in goals for United, prevented a header from Joe Morrison from crossing the goal-line. Then the Falkirk Flyer, Rob Prinzel scorched a shot high into the Town net before the break and it was clear that the replacements on the Earlswood bench would have to be called upon. They did not disappoint, with defender Matt Powell impressing, and 4-0 became 4-2, despite Earl Danny Bostock succumbing to the letter of the law and receiving two yellow cards for fouls. Then the Lord Lucan of the MFL, the illustrious (he tells me) Sir Thomas Maguire, returned to the Cage and inspired a late rally by the malfunctioning hosts and showed how to score a fifth goal with a shot which bobbled over the goal-line like he’d struck it after a particularly active evening in the pub. Fair play to Earlswood for their stealthy approach, despite their errors and with midfield tank Kieran Fitzgerald driving his men on, Coventry were made to work hard. There was always the chance that the clever Josh O’Grady, or the adventurous, attacking Coventry full-backs Pierre Moudime and Ben Vallance would create something however and with the energetic Gift Mussa racing around midfield like it was his ball and nobody else should dare play with it, the hosts certainly had the edge. I chauffeured Earlswood stalwart and official John Edward Sharpe to Allard Way and he enjoyed the afternoon… 

Pierre Moudime gives Dan Stokes a boot up the arse...

Dave Hancock takes a goal-kick.
Boring image? Yeah, I guess...

The first meaningful moment arrived when Prinzel broke up the play and shovelled the ball forward to O’Grady, whose feet reacted instantly, like they were receiving electrical treatment but although he appeared to have been tripped on the 18 yard line, the rather bland official stopped, stared and stalked away. Coventry were so calm pushing the ball about at the back at times that Earlswood would surely intercede soon and so they did, dispossessing Vallance but just when it seemed that Lyons had escaped at inside-right, he took a tumble and the chance was lost. From a long throw by Adam Wormall on the offensive left, a fracas ensued in the proximity of the United 6 yard box, where Lyons could only nudge the ball goalwards under pressure but Connor dropped quickly to save. O’Grady was bludgeoned to the ground by Bostock, who was shown his first card of yellow hue and soon Vallance made a fine run on the Coventry left, had a cross blocked but retrieved the rebound to deliver a better centre, which evaded the fingers of the leaping goalie Dave Hancock and was headed clinically down into the bottom right corner of the net by the lurking, unmarked Josh Blake. 

Hutchcox (5) congratulates Blake, whilst Moudime attempts to pull the Cage down...

Blake looks at the boots he hasn't just scored with...

It was soon 2-0 when Blake was involved again, latching onto Moudime’s long ball forwards, then feeding Gift Mussa to his left, who turned on the ball and passed it into the middle, where Blake fought for the ball and poked a shot off the leg of Tom Weaver into the net, with Hancock despairing, whispering “Oh, dear. Oh dear, oh dear. I am fed up…” He was fed up, just like his famous namesake Tony used to be in his BBC TV series.

An Earl boogies, as Stokes stamps on a nasty earwig...

Pat-a Blake, Pat-a-Blake, baker's man,
Scores like no other baker can...

Moudime, capitalising upon the United ascendancy, raced forward to cross really well, very un-Dani Alves-like, right onto the head of the soaring Cox at the far post, whose downward header was as smart as it was decisive. 3-0 and really, Earlswood looked troubled.

Cox, second left, has scored, Ntim actually smiles and Prinzel prepares to bite Blake's head off...

The Earls responded and from a left-side corner, home defender Martin Hutchcox cleared but Coventry striker Dan Stokes managed to chest down then clear a shot from Town’s Jon Farley. Moments later there seemed little danger as Earlswood knocked the ball forward, following a low kick by Connor but wily forward Roy Dunkley freed Lyons at inside-right and he had the time to measure an 18 yard lobbed shot over the stranded, advancing Connor, but the ball bounced off the top of the crossbar. Gift Mussa then raced away along the left touchline like a gazelle, only to be savaged by the challenge of Chris Morrison, like that of a predatory cheetah, yet the referee offered only a stern warning to the eager defender. Nobody touched O’Grady’s subsequent free-kick, even the stretching Hancock, and a goal-kick becalmed the situation. An error by the officials, awarding an offensive throw to the visitors led to Wormall’s short throw to Dunkley and the left-back received a return-pass to cross the ball into the goalmouth, where Connor jumped confidently to catch the delivery beneath his crossbar. Another dodgy kick by the otherwise excellent Connor led to a wild shot too high by Brad Hall, whose fine lob had earned Earlswood a point at Aston recently.

The ref asks Morrison if he can get him a discount on his supermarket shopping.
If so, there would be no booking...

Connor's punt goes like a train...

Vallance threaded a good pass through the centre for the onside O’Grady to chase but when the ball was slowed by a defender, the United man was behind the Earls and appeared offside, which the officials signalled. However, when Vallance passed the ball… Hmm. More spirited midfield play by Mussa led to a cross from the right by O’Grady and a lay-back by Cox but Prinzel’s close range effort was dragged behind for a left-wing corner by a desperate Earl. Mussa then defended successfully for his team for O’Grady to cleverly free Moudime for a run on the right flank but the full-back ran the ball out of play, sadly. Cox and Prinzel then combined to offer Vallance an angled cross-shot opportunity, which he struck with venom but across the face of the Earls’ goal from 17 yards, before Moudime was fed by Stokes from O’Grady right-side centre, only to lash a low 17 yard drive just wide of the left upright. Town then won another corner and Connor did well to punch the ball away and as he fell, somehow reacted superbly to stop an instinctive Morrison header from 5 yards on the goal-line, from whence Cox completed the clearance.

Sarah Evans rushes to the aid of the stricken Prinzel...

Cox likes to keep his feet on the ground...

Connor punched another corner clear soon afterwards and his team broke quickly for O’Grady to feed the racing Mussa on the left, who veered left towards the byeline, cut back inside but drove his cross-shot off a defender’s lunge for a right-side flag-kick. Vallance cleared the ball for Coventry, following a little pressure by Town and O’Grady at inside-right, did well to fire a left-footer from 25 yards only just wide of the right upright. With Earlswood trying so hard to get back into the contest, it was no real surprise that United caught them on the break and what a goal it was. From a Town free-kick, Cox headed out to Blake, took a return pass and clipped the ball along the left flank for the forward to fasten onto, who, after reaching the left byeline, served a rolled pass inside for the supporting Prinzel at inside-left to smash left-footed high into the top right corner of the visitors’ net from 16 yards, with Hancock well beaten.

Ntim hugs Prinzel: 4-0 now...

The celebration involves a Tommy Cooper impersonation by Martin Hutchcox...

The interval was signalled and something had to change for Earlswood. Three players left the contest: the injured Wormall, also Dunkley and Farley, for the introduction of Josh Allen-Noble, Matt ‘Hollister’ Powell and the friendly Ron Adjei. The first action of the second period was from a right-wing United corner by O’Grady, which Hutchcox got beneath and thus headed too high. Hall was doing a decent job as an emergency left-back for the guests but he was tricked cleverly on one occasion by O’Grady, but the centre delivered was defended well enough. O’Grady and Blake then combined, with the former getting in a shot, which was blocked, only for Prinzel to collect the loose ball and slip a pass left for Vallance to hammer goalwards, a shot which rose well over the goal-frame. Suddenly, however, a more purposeful Earlswood moved the ball forward and striker Lyons, oddly in a Cage, cut inside from the left and curled a cunning, quite low right-booter beyond the diving Connor and into the far corner of the net.

All smiles for Earlswood as Lyons (the taller one) reduces the arrears...
Ntim does his scowling look, stage-back...

Really effective Town defender Tom Weaver scrambled the ball into the United net soon afterwards, following a free-kick but an offside flag had been raised, before the stern faced but very pleasant fellow Kobe Ntim was warned for a rough challenge on the flattened Allen-Noble. Soon afterwards, Prinzel ran strongly forward, inside-left channel but Bostock’s kick at the Coventry midfielder wasn’t enough to stop the tall United man, who ran on. After the play fizzled out, the referee yellow-carded Rostock for a second time and he was on his way to the dressing-room to suck a sour lemon.

Ooh, Bostock's in trouble...
Prinzel offers to escort him off the pitch...

Bostock leaves, Prinzel wants to be a carer...

O'Grady locates yesterday's Weetabix in his facial hair...

Lyons, manely (geddit?) argued about the dismissal, so he was soon cautioned, for arguing about the next incident too. His anger was soon channelled into offense, however and he clipped a fine 25 yard effort again onto the top of Connor’s crossbar. A clever back-heel by O’Grady freed the dangerous Moudime on the right again but a desperate Town tackle conceded a corner, before the quiet Stokes was replaced by wandering minstrel Tommy ‘Lord Lucan’ Maguire. He was soon in the action, baring no knees at all and soon took a short corner, offering Vallance a chance to burst into the penalty-box and lash a left-booter at goal, which Hancock spooned away like a nasty, smelly pair of underpants had been chucked his way. Maguire and Blake combined to win a corner, then the enduring skipper, Cox made way for the Cameroonian Coventrian, Patrick ‘Sore Knees’ Suffo. Maguire cut inside menacingly from the left, so he was both menacing by expression and menacing by play, but his hard shot was blocked by the Man From Hollister, Matt Powell.

Tommy Maguire attempts to retrieve the ice-lolly from his shorts...

A ridiculous turn of events, which Hall watched, took part in, then finished, left Coventry rather embarrassed. Fitzgerald’s Rugby League ‘up and under’ caused Vallance a bit of a problem and Lyons passed inside for Morrison to shoot at the near post, but Connor saved well with a foot. Suffo then fed Moudime on the Coventry right but he was mugged by Hall, who ran forwards threateningly, was tackled well by Ntim with a fierce expression on his face but the ball broke for Morrison and with the home defence in disarray and Mussa falling over twice like a modern day Norman Wisdom, Fitzgerald passed to Hall again, whose low nudged shot deflected off Valance untidily, just inside the left upright, past a helpless Connor. Hall had defended well after the break, for O’Grady is a tricky customer, and he deserved the reward.

Hall has made it 4-2...

Nathan Ley replaced Moudime for Coventry, who still hasn’t smiled for the camera yet, before smart control by Maguire led to a square pass for Suffo, who simply dummied the ball, which was probably easier than moving his 67 year old feet anyway, but Prinzel’s powerful, ambitious 29 yard shot was only just too high. The fifth Coventry goal reminded me of a Christmas cracker, which looks spectacular until it’s pulled and it feebly pulls apart instead of resulting in an explosive finish, containing only a crap joke and a paper fish which curls up in the heat of your hand. Fine initial play on the right involving fine ball-winning by Gift Mussa and a slide-rule pass by Suffo to O’Grady, led to a smart pass inside for the languishing Maguire, 10 yards out, still looking like he was suffering a wardrobe malfunction, whose miscued shot fooled us all, rolling just inside the left upright to complete the scoring. His celebration, taking care not to raise the arms too high in case he revealed his very private knees, was as relaxed as his general attendance. He should live in Cornwall, where people turn up ‘dreckly..’

OMG! The Maguire Knees!!!
5-2...

It remained only for Lyons to end the game with a whimper of a shot well wide, in contrast to his roaring other three and for Maguire to set up Suffo for a 23 yard shot, which was deflected Blake’s way, but with the hat-trick in mind, the forward failed to control the bouncing ball near the left stick. 

It was good to see physio’ Sarah Evans (surely not the American singer Sara Evans?) patch up a couple of Coventry players, for she was ‘Born To Fly’ onto the pitch, with ‘Suds In the Bucket’. “I Could Not Ask For More”, the recovering players sang, although I’m sure the fidgety Maguire was heard to ask: ‘Slow Me Down’… 

The game won, Coventry rolled on towards the league title and Earlswood, previously unbeaten away from their own smart ground, would gain much confidence for an energetic and purposeful second-half. Again, Gift Mussa was lively, always taking the advice to get closer to opponents at free-kicks and corners but I truly enjoyed Kobe Ntim’s gymnastic prowess, getting into some remarkable body shapes whilst avoiding clearing the ball with his left foot. Has he trained in ballet? Vallance and Moudime were again positive and Blake was a worker in attack, although it’s about time that O’Grady’s efforts resulted in a goal or two for himself. It was good to speak with Zak Lyons after the game and he did well, supported by Fitzgerald, who never once gave up the lost cause. Surely Powell should start regularly but Morrison played well in defence and attack for the guests, with Hall a busy and effective combatant on the left flank.

I chauffeured John Edward Sharpe back to collect his car from my house and ravaged my eggs and chips, before watching Barcelona’s win at Eibar and taking medication for shock, after being told that Sunderland had been beaten 0-4 at home by er, Villa…

That’s not what they do… 

Teams: 

Coventry United:  Joe Connor, Pierre Moudime, Ben Vallance; Chris Cox (Capt), Martin Hutchcox, Kobe Ntim; Josh Blake, Josh O’Grady, Dan Stokes, Rob Prizel, Gift Mussa.

Subs: Sean Kavanagh, Nathan Ley, Patrick Suffo, Tommy Maguire, Jason Fox (gk).

Earlswood Town:  David Hancock, Keith Draper, Adam Wormull; Tom Weaver, Chris Morrison, Danny Bostock; Jon Farley, Kieran Fitzgerald (Capt), Zak Lyons, Roy Dunkley, Brad Hall.

Subs: Matt Powell, Josh Allen-Noble, Ron Adjei.