PERSHORE TOWN 0-3 BROMSGROVE SPORTING: FULL MATCH REPORT...

Invincible Rouslers Plunder Immortal Persians…

Pershore Town 0-3 Bromsgrove Sporting

Paul ‘Smudger’ Smith, Bromsgrove’s inscrutable manager entered the Pershore clubhouse with his team-list to hand to Secretary David ‘No Mowdog, you CAN’T look at my copy of the teams’ Stephens and I just knew that due deference needed to be shown to the fellow. I dropped to one knee and took his hand… He was duly embarrassed. I liked that. He has been masquerading as The Smudger for a few seasons now but he is really the Lickey Hills demon Harry-ca-nab, whose lair is at a place called Hell’s Own (presumably Halesowen…) and his hounds, usually perched on roof tiles (are any of the Bromsgrove players roofers?) are what are known as the ‘ROUSLERS’… They have hair sprouting out of their foreheads (in Craig Jones’ case from his chin too…) and they have devils’ tails, mostly hidden and flattened by tight lycra undershorts… The word ‘rousle’ is a Worcestershire term for to wake up and in this match, it took Bromsgrove a while to do so, so much so that my camera malfunctioned when Jason Cowley finally nodded his team ahead in the 42nd minute, the only goalmouth action I missed.

"CRAIG: YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, WHEREAS STEVE HERE IS MERELY IMMORTAL..."

Nicknamed the ‘Invincibles’ (unbeaten in the league of course) Bromsgrove were facing the Persians, nicknamed in ancient times as the ‘Immortals’ because whenever warriors were killed, injured or missing, others took their places, thus topping up the ranks and this certainly happened at St George’s on a coolish, cloudy, fine-rain threatened Easter Monday afternoon. Goalkeeper Shaun Edwards was hurt in the warm-up and manager Quentin ‘I’ll play anywhere’ Townsend was forced to take the gloves until alternative custodian Andy Yarnold (who played his first match for some while at Leicester Road on Saturday) was telephoned. Yarnold was expecting to attend the game as a spectator but he was forced to grab his kit and turn up to replace his manager between the uprights a few minutes into the contest. Powerful defender and skipper Shaun Griffiths was still suspended for the hosts, top goalscorer Jamie Clarke was still at a training weekend away and so without Edwards in goal, once again the Immortals were missing the spine of their relegation battling team.

QT: HAVING A PUNT...

Bromsgrove too were without a goalkeeper and Neil Leech filled the void and was kindly treated by the Persians, who benevolently shot most of their best efforts off target and any close range efforts were prodded straight at him. The Persians afforded the deserving Rouslers a ‘guard of honour’, minus their wicker shields and short swords of course and the carnival atmosphere was extended by Rouslers Dan Morris and Reece Hewitt getting a break from starting. However, on the bench too was a rousing, renegade Rousler called Chris Conway, back after a five month absence I was told… He sometimes looks at my blog. We likes HIM… 

ROUSLER JONES: TAIL STRAPPED BENEATH HIS UNDERSHORTS...

In the opening moments, Townsend was forced to kick the ball hurriedly away and a deflection allowed a Sporting shot which drifted off target but then Yarnold arrived, still eating his cheese sandwich, to take over from QT. Strangely, despite a low-level of excitement, Bromsgrove proved to have all the confidence, whereas Pershore looked to contain the pacy Cowley, the nippy Chris Lloyd and the aerially challenging Luke Shorthouse. Why is he not called Luke Tallhouse? Before Rousler Shorthouse nodded a Sam Wills corner against the home crossbar and Jones’ retrieval header had been safely dealt with by Rich Thomas-Robinson, the Persians had so nearly opened the scoring with a spectacular strike from midfielder Dane Aldington.

THOMAS-ROBINSON, WEARING 2, HAS JUST FIRED IN A GREAT SHOT...

A disputed free-kick deep on the Plums’ left flank was swung in dangerously by left-back Chris Whittaker, who would surely have been employed as a slingshot warrior in ancient times and the ball dropped onto the volleying instep of Aldington but it flashed a centimetre over the shocked Leech’s crossbar. Another fine Whittaker delivery along the left touchline saw Ben Lane efficiently baulked by Rousler Luke Edwards, yet the lively Reece Jacobs offered skipper Steve Webb a shooting opportunity from 19 yards but the sliced drive failed to please himself, his sister, or his parents…

NUMBER 11 JACOBS' HEADER HAS DROPPED WIDE...

A superb latch onto a loose ball by home right-back Thomas-Robinson saw him rush through a midfield gap and fire a fine effort at goal from outside the 18 yard box and that, like Aldington’s volley, skimmed the cross-beam. Headers by Aldington and Jacobs from a throw by Thomas-Robinson and then a corner by Lane bounced meekly wide of the left upright and the Rouslers were being tested, albeit on the break mostly. The guests’ offense wasn’t quite in gear in truth and we saw only a John Pykett cross which Yarnold paddled interestingly behind for a corner and a desperate 40 yard lobbed attempt by Liam Spink which was way off target. However, as the interval neared, a left-side corner by Lloyd was glanced through a group of players at the near post by the crafty Cowley and the visitors had taken the lead.

GOALIE LEECH PRACTISES FOR THE 1936 OLYMPIC GAMES...

Still the Persians attempted to work openings on the counter attack though as several Bromsgrove moves ended with errant passes or crosses and when the hardworking Steve Roche’s not well struck low shot from inside-left was deflected towards the base of the near upright, Leech fell, flapped and flailed but was fooled by the ball bouncing off the post for a corner. Following this flag-kick, Lane ventured dangerously into the left-side of the penalty-box, his low delivery was somehow knocked back to Webb by the mauled Jacobs but Webb’s clear shot from 16 yards rose way too high…

NOVEMBER, OR APRIL?

Half-time arrived, I had been invited to drink more tea in the clubhouse but I had respectfully declined and instead moved further along the touchline because the Rousler Observers, their fans, were migrating to the opposite end to watch more goals go in. Two more did, subsequently but really one wondered how it was that the hosts actually failed to find the net, for once again, they created chances but poor finishing during this second-half let them down. Sporting too were not clinical until Lloyd and then the really influential Robbie Bunn settled the issue, his goal coming after Cowley, Shorthouse and Lloyd had been substituted with 20 minutes left. This had been a great chance for the hosts to capitalise upon a weaker opposition but mostly their efforts were careless, despite some rousing runs by the effervescent Jacobs, who enjoyed a mighty tussle with Boxer Jones, who looked so cool on the left side of defence.

"WHAT? IT WAS A SIMPLE UPPERCUT, CUZ IF I'D WANTED TO HURT HIM, IT WOULD'VE BEEN A RIGHT-HOOK, HONEST REF'..."

Fine skills by Jacobs saw him get past Jones and run for the right byeline and although his low cross was hacked away by Pykett and Roche’s 18 yard shot was well blocked by Jones, Webb’s instantaneous effort from 18 yards dropped a centimetre over the well beaten Leech’s goal-frame. The Rouslers managed a near post Shorthouse touch from a right-side centre which Yarnold held onto, then a Wills free-kick from a great position was struck too high, before the Persians missed a plum opportunity to regain parity. A brilliant and silky run towards and along the left byeline by Lane, saw his near post pass reach Jacobs but after turning onto the ball he back-heeled it weakly straight to the grateful Leech and this caused an argument between the scorned Roche and the harassed Jacobs…

BACK-HEEL MISSED, JACOBS RUNS OFF CHUNTERING AT ROCHE'S COMPLAINTS...

A Spink shot was well off target for the Rouslers but from a left-side corner by the effective Lane, Aldington’s clear header flew straight at Leech, whose gloves leeched onto the ball. The ‘keeper was clearly possessed by the demon-like qualities of his leader, Smudger Harry-ca-nab Smith and the magical powers of preventing the Persians from getting past him were still proving powerful and effective enough. A weak near post header by Shorthouse was gathered by Yarnold as the visitors responded but Thomas-Robinson would rue his choice to poke a close-range right-footer straight to Leech when a left-footer might just have brought a greater reward. Whittaker’s left-side free-kick was challenged for by Aldington but Aaron Roberts won it for Sporting, although the ball dropped to Thomas-Robinson just a couple of yards out, as Lloyd attempted to mark him. The right-back tried to get his right foot onto his shot though and the chance was lost.

"HEY, LINO, CAN YOU SUGGEST SOMEWHERE I MIGHT PLACE MY FINGER?"

Wills drove too high again at the opposite end but then the Rouslers settled the contest with a hotly disputed second goal. Roberts lashed a long ball downfield and the otherwise strongly performing stop-gap central defender Dean Waldron saw the ball fly off his head towards his own penalty-area, putting pressure on fellow defender James Walker. The referee and the linesman in front of me who had the same view as my lens, failed to see a really obvious pull on Walker’s shoulder by the wily Cowley and the ball rolled left for Lloyd to latch onto and he fooled Thomas-Robinson before beating Yarnold with a low, near post angled shot. Relief for him, anger for Pershore and a caution for Walker who complained bitterly against the referee’s obvious error. Who cautions the officials when they err? Hmm, no-one…  

LLOYD IS LOVED...

WEBB PLEADS FOR COMMON SENSE BUT NO FOUL IS AWARDED TO TOWN, A GOAL IS AWARDED TO SPORTING & A CAUTION IS COMING TO WALKER...

Roche was substituted by Harrison Barrett and the bullish replacement who really did put himself about at Littleton recently, would cause an unpleasant scene here too, near the finish… Andy Nicol, Tom Craine and Chrissie Conway replaced the Bromsgrove front three and suddenly Pershore must have seen a chance to crack on and pressure their opponents but poor ball retention allowed the visitors to extend their lead instead and the goal went deservedly to their controlling midfielder Bunn, whose influence had grown as the game had worn on.

BUNN: IMPRESSIVE MARAUDER IN MIDFIELD...

Jacobs was dispossessed centrally by Jones but home skipper Webb sorted that defensive problem out and fed the ball to Whittaker, who passed to Jacobs but he was caught napping by Edwards this time, who stole the ball away and as no Plum attacked him, he simply ran forward. Edwards, who was always seemingly in control during this encounter, then picked a pass left to Bunn who was unmarked because Thomas-Robinson had been caught infield and Bunn confidently shot past the advancing goalie with an inside-of-right-boot finish from the left side of the penalty-box and the ball rolled just inside the right stick. 

THE REF PRETENDS THE SUN IS SHINING FOR PYKETT...

0-3...

...ASSISTED BY EDWARDS...

...& SCORED BY BUNN, LEFT...

Wills’ miscued low right-footer somehow trickled between Thomas-Robinson’s feet for a slow-motion nutmeg on its way to Yarnold, Barrett wasted a fine chance by smacking a shot from 15 yards way over the crossbar and Bunn’s 25 yard free-kick shot for the Rouslers was shovelled away awkwardly by Yarnold, as if the ball had just been removed from a cow-pat and he was concerned about his gloves. Finally, Barrett careered into Roberts, who took exception, rightly and although Barrett was taken away from the incident by a colleague poor old Jacobs was left to try to calm stuff down…

ROBERTS SAYS: "YOU WERE A LITTLE ROUGH, MY GOOD MAN..."
BARRETT REPLIES: "GOSH, TRULY SORRY MY FINE FELLOW..."

AJIBADE: "I'M NOT GETTING YOU AWAY FROM THE TROUBLE HARRISON, IT'S JUST THAT MY LEG IS BLEEDIN' KILLIN' ME & I NEED SOMEONE TO LEAN ON..." 

BARRETT HAS MADE HIS MARK ON THE PROCEEDINGS...

The game ended with merely a whimper from Pershore but they really might have snatched something from the match, had tiredness from previously injured players not slowed them down considerably during the latter stages. They simply were not as clinical in their finishing as Cowley, Lloyd and Bunn had been either. Tunde Ajibade had toiled in attack all afternoon and had taken a knock in the opening half but the surprise was that he hadn’t been relieved, especially when Chris Priest replaced Aldington… Fair play to Ajibade for suffering the pain but maybe he wasn’t going to be as effective carrying a knock. Walker and Waldron were careful not to go forward for corners and free-kicks as a pair for Town because of the threat held by Rouslers Cowley and Shorthouse and to be fair, for the most part they combated the danger satisfactorily but their height on offense might just have caused more of a problem for the Sporting defence, especially as the replacement goalkeeper Leech needed protecting…   

"IT'S A JOLLY HOLIDAY FOR PERSHORE..."

The invincible Rouslers took applause from their fans and returned to their rooftops to practise their snarling and drooling ready for their next match on Thursday, whilst the immortal Persians rapped their crackling wicker shields against the changing room walls in their frustration at not making their league status safe against the Champions, who were, let’s face it, going through the motions somewhat, ‘after the Lord Mayor’s show’…

Me? I watched Smudger revert to being Harry-ca-nab and head back to Hell’s Own, trailed by his sated, howling, victorious Rouslers…

It is, after all, what I do…    

TEAMS:

PERSHORE TOWN:

QUENTIN TOWNSEND (ANDY YARNOLD), RICH THOMAS-ROBINSON, CHRIS WHITTAKER, JAMES WALKER, WALDRON, WEBB (CAPT), STEVE ROCHE, DANE ALDINGTON, TUNDE AJIBADE, BEN LANE, REECE JACOBS.

SUBS:

REMIE BIRCH, CHRIS PRIEST, HARRISON BARRETT, JELSON NETO ANTONIO. 

BROMSGROVE SPORTING:

NEIL LEECH, AARON ROBERTS, LIAM SPINK, SAM WILLS, CRAIG JONES (CAPT), LUKE EDWARDS, JOHN PYKETT, ROBBIE BUNN, JASON COWLEY, LUKE SHORTHOUSE, CHRIS LLOYD.

SUBS:

DAN MORRIS, REECE HEWITT, ANDY NICOL, TOM CRAINE, CHRIS CONWAY.