DAVENTRY TOWN 0-1 KETTERING TOWN: festive match report by THE MOWDOG...

Pantomime Erupts Into Hobbit Battle…

Daventry Town 0-1 Kettering Town

This game will be remembered for three dismissals I am certain, but that is unfair for the proceedings were never really violent, just feisty between two local teams needing bragging rights. On the field there were Hall, Hill and Hull, so all we needed were a Holl and a Hell, which of course the three dismissed players yelled loudly, following an ‘f’ word as they trudged from the muddy, tough-to-pass-on field. This is pantomime season and the referee joined in by showing a number of cards, rather like a fairy godmother waving her wand, not to get players TO the ball, but rather punish them for NOT getting to it. The only goal was plundered in a strong Kettering first act of the show by the Poppies’ Brett Solkhon, a real Prince Charming to his devoted fans, whose looping header beat home ‘keeper Ben Heath. Solkhon was solid in defence and looked the most likely to add a second goal before the interval, a period which must have been tough for Daventry, whose only shot up until then was one which rose so high that Jack was threatened on his beanstalk. The second act was darker, both in conditions and in action but although the Vikings improved considerably, visiting replacement goalie Jamie McAlindon was rarely troubled. Several Poppies were unavailable for this matinee performance but Kettering deserved their victory, if only for their opening 45 minutes.

The Poppies kick off against The Vikings...

Someone even lit a fire nearby to flood the pitch like dry-ice across a stage, just to add early atmosphere at Communications Park. Claudio Hoban, on the Kettering right, swung across a free-kick, of which many were awarded by the Fairy Godmother, but Dubi (Scooby?) Ogbonna was unable to head with accuracy at the far stick and the wide-man, although there was normally a vast space on the Kettering right, generally leaving Andy Gooding and James Jepson little option but to play the ball through the middle. Hoban appeared to be baulked by Daventry’s diminutive Jack Howard just inside the 18 yard area but the wand was unused by the Fairy Godmother. Then powerful Kettering right-back James Clifton, looking like a pirate needing the Caribbean sun, produced one of his many surges to cross from his wing but the ball was cleared by the hosts. Then home striker James Tricks became the pantomime villain, after Jepson gave the ball away and Ant O’Connor fed the ball forward but visiting ‘keeper Richard Knight plunged at Tricks’ feet and was knocked on the arm by a flailing boot, probably. Down for a while, Knight (and it was good to have a knight in a pantomime) would not be able to continue for long. Tricks hadn’t really contributed any offense for his team thus far, but then he tripped an opponent and was shown a pretty yellow card by the Fairy Godmother.

Kettering's fans decorate a tree with home-made trimmings...

Players jump to try to dislodge the ball from a tree...

The guests spoiled the party soon afterwards when Gooding swung a right-footed free-kick from deep on the Kettering left flank and Solkhon leapt like a genie from a lamp to back-head the ball into a looping arc over Heath’s head and into the far corner of the net. Solkhon took a bow, the Kettering audience applauded wildly and the Daventry defence frowned, grizzled and complained, like ugly sisters whose feet the shoe wouldn’t fit.

Celebrations: 0-1 to Kettering...

Heath managed to push on Gooding’s left-side corner but Ogbonna hurried his shot from beyond the far upright and the ball flew disappointingly wide, when maybe he had had time to control the ball first. Knight was unable to carry on and so returned to the round table in the bar, to be replaced by strapping young ‘keeper McAlindon, a veritable Gulliver in the land of Lilliput. His first touch was a nervous one, being forced into a hurried kick away by an opponent. A fine intercepting near post header by Daventry’s Jamal Clarke prevented Hoban’s next delivery reaching a colleague, then a Hoban free-kick on the right was met in similar fashion to his goal by Prince Solkhon, albeit from the opposite flank. The defender’s looping back-header this time though was nodded over his own crossbar by Robbie Cundy, playing the Giant to Jack Howard’s beanstalk character. Tricks headed the resulting corner away but soon another left-side centre was bravely headed by Tommy Hull, in a mean midfield role, covering as much ground as Dick Whittington did on his way to London, although Hull’s paths were paved with mud. Hull’s effort bounced off Heath’s shoulder, exactly where Long John Silver’s parrot would have been perched and Kettering had yet another corner. 

Knight goes off...

...Gulliver goes on...

Solkhon’s far post downward header from another left-flank Gooding corner was smuggled off the goal-line by Howard but then Ogbonna chased a long clearance through the middle and received a slap in the face, although it was arguable as to whether it was deliberate. It stopped the forward though… Then Clifton became involved in a clash with home winger Dave Parkinson, unseen thus far. The latter raised arms at Clifton after the initial pushing, which reminded me of a spat between Cinderella’s siblings but when the hands were raised, Kettering’s fans near me argued that the Daventry man should be sent off because he “…raised his hands…” “Oh, no he didn’t…” respond the home faithful; “Oh, yes he did…” retorted the Poppy diehards. The Fairy Godmother smoothed things over but failed to brandish either yellow, or red wand. Hull fed Hoban on the right but Heath gathered the ensuing low drive and then Harry Southern’s half-volley for the hosts took a couple of branches from near the summit of Jack’s beanstalk but Daventry, at last, had at least roused McAlinden from his icy slumber. The disappointing Ogbonna drove a low shot to Heath, similar to Hoban’s earlier shot, then, as the interval approached and the orchestra tuned their instruments, Tricks passed to Parkinson on the Daventry left, who did well to trick his way to the byeline but the huge frame of McAlinden dived from goal to knock the cross clear. 

Tommy Hull does what he does well...

The curtain of darkness came down, we bought our tubs of ice-cream from the ushers and usherettes, looked forward to the second act and listened to the narrator, whose gravelly voice sounded like he had spent Christmas bellowing out carols in the town centre; or perhaps the sound-system needed an overhaul. Jepson and Gooding had prompted Kettering, Clifton had bridged (geddit?) the huge gap more and more on the right and Jason Lee, not the much travelled striker, of the famous pineapple-on-his-head hairstyle, but a calm and clean-cut central defender for the Poppies, had been implacable. The hosts were served well enough by Clarke and Cundy, for they were too often called upon to defend crosses and corners but still the lack of expansion in Kettering’s game was much mentioned by their nervy supporters. Daventry had looked as lost as the Babes In the Wood on occasions but surely that would change? The curtain came up and two Daventry substitutes appeared, replacing Parkinson and Southern, who had been as quiet as servants around Sleeping Beauty. Ryan Howell and the bearded Tommy Berwick, looking like Baron Hardup, were thrown into the fray but suddenly, Kettering looked like settling the affair for good, in the first scene of the second act.

Steve Kinniburgh, the steady Kettering skipper freed Andy Hall at inside-left, but not for the first time in this period, the forward’s touch would desert him at the death and Heath raced from goal to deny him. Heath then went low to stop and then grab, at the second attempt, a nasty bouncing effort from 20 yards by Hoban, inside-left channel, then Daventry began to show more intent, rather than their Wishy-Washy attempts of the opening half. Long thrower Ricky Hill, displaying all the mean frowns necessary to be booed by the audience whenever he appeared from stage-left, chucked in a long delivery and following an unusual melee in the 6 yard box, Howard belted a shot into the side-netting. Berwick’s chipped free-kick was cleared to Ben Farrell, whose 19 yard volley rose so high that it actually took the very top twigs off the beanstalk’s full height. Jepson used the slippery conditions to slide into a wretched tackle and with the home crowd baying for a red wand, the Fairy Godmother offered only a yellow, with Jepson hiding his relief beneath his flowing locks.

The dark side of the story had begun and Clifton was also soon cautioned for a wild challenge, as was Daventry’s Farrell, as the Fairy Godmother decided he rather enjoyed standing and raising his wand. As you do. Two Daventry free-kicks ensued, the first of which came to nought but the second ended with a shot by O’Connor, which was going well wide but Farrell, I believe, deflected it goalwards, only for the grateful McAlindon to fall upon the ball, like Mother onto her escaping Goose. Ryan Zidyana replaced Howard for Daventry, Hall’s free-kick shot for the visitors was way too high, before the red wand appeared, for Farrell bludgeoned into a second unwise challenge and was relieved of his duties. In all good pantomimes though, the audience likes to see some parity, so just after the poorly David Kolodynski had surprising replaced the often lively Hoban, Berwick was held back by Clifton, but not in a geographical sense and was shown the immediate red wand, not a second yellow one. Was it worth a dismissal? “Oh, yes it was…” reckoned the Fairy Godmother, Baron Hardup and the Daventry chorus. “Oh, no it wasn’t…” replied the vexed Clifton and the aggrieved Poppies…

Dysfunctional Communications...

Kolodynski lost possession but Tricks’ upward header from 10 yards, following Deeney’s decent centre lacked the accuracy to concern McAlindon. Then Clarke brilliantly headed away a cross from the Kettering right, before the juggling Zidyana took three attempts to hack the ball clear, in a display of keepy-uppy using three metre ‘uppies’. Not only is it James who has Tricks… Hall was unable to slip Kolodynski clear with an inaccurate pass, Ogbonna drove a delivery from the right across the penalty-box and following a short free-kick, Kolodynski smashed a searing angled drive off the face of the metalwork (formerly known as woodwork), as Kettering looked the more incisive in the latter stages. Daventry though had one more opportunity to grab a point and it was Hill who provided the left-wing cross, after his throw had been headed out by the rampaging Jepson. Clarke rose like he was jumping against the Seven Dwarves, headed powerfully goalwards but Gulliver McAlindon remained firm, clutched the ball and held on, falling to keep possession in the chaos.

Deeney was cautioned, Hall cut inside from the left but shot poorly wide of the near post, Berwick was shown the yellow wand too and then a Kettering player picked up the ball and for once, nobody yelled: “He’s BEHIND YOU…” and Howell WAS behind him and scythed him down to receive the Fairy Godmother’s beautiful red wand. The game ended with Kettering keeping the ball in the right-flank corner, with Daventry’s boots hacking at them like the Seven Dwarves’ picks and the Fairy Godmother signalled an end to the panto’. The actors took their plaudits, Gulliver leapt upon colleagues, causing real physical danger.

Berwick improved things for Daventry but the fouls, the cards shown and the deterioration in passing by both teams in the second act offered the Vikings a chance to pillage, which they failed to do. Hull was good for Kettering, really battling in midfield, like a malevolent Orc in the Lord of the Rings. Liked his stuff… The goal was the Beauty, the entertainment was often the Beast but for Solkhon, certainly the boot fitted and it was he who laid the golden egg and presumably went to the ball… 

During the performance, two sets of batteries failed in my camera, my dictaphone froze, like it had looked upon Maleficent’s face and my hands were so cold that I flicked them around like the Widow Twanky dancing her Twanky Twiddle and yes, I needed a Twiddle too. Hence I was caught in bad M40 traffic but arrived home in time to get to Cafe Saffron in Knowle and enjoy one of their Madras-hot chicken Jaipuri meals…

Teams:

Daventry Town:  Ben Heath, Ash Deeney (Capt), Ricky Hill; Ben Farrell, Jamal Clarke, Robbie Cundy; Dave Parkinson, Jack Howard, James Tricks, Harry Southern, Ant O’Connor.

Subs: Tom Berwick, Ryan Zidyana, Ryan Howell, Miles Welch-Hayes, James Weale.

Kettering Town:  Richard Knight, James Clifton, Steve Kinniburgh (Capt); Andy Gooding, Brett Solkhon, Jason Lee; Claudio Hoban, Tommy Hull, Dubi Ogbonna, James Jepson, Andy Hall.

Subs: Jon Bukasa, David Kolodynski, Andrew Watts, Jamie McAlindon (gk).