COVENTRY UNITED 1-1 BARNT GREEN SPARTAK; light-hearted match report by THE MOWDOG...

Spartak Iron Curtain Scuppers Coventry’s Celebrations…

Coventry United 1-1 Barnt Green Spartak

Coventry were applauded onto their own pitch inside The Cage by a dogged, determined, demonic Spartak outfit, which has now taken four points from United this term. Already missing injured ‘keeper Connor, also his replacement Campbell, the absent Maguire, to whom I have never been related, Ndlovu, Blake, Woodall, Whaling and Prinzel, Coventry manager Edwin Greaves chose to rest hurt defender Martin Hutchcox, busy midfielder Gift Mussa and the bearded one, Josh O’Grady, leaving them on the bench, instead starting with Leon Kelly and Patrick Suffo, combined ages 173. However, Spartak, led by the tattooed, glabrous, Graham Bond, every inch a leader and bellower, a dead ringer for a Russian Special Forces Sergeant, fought hammer and sickle to get a result in windy, sunny conditions. They scored from one of four nightmare moments involving home ‘keeper Jason Fox but were only pegged back by a late penalty decision, awarded when the solid Kelly lost his balance and tumbled like a toddler with the growling Bond behind him. Despite Spartak goalie Paul Smith having seen Dan Stokes’ penalty at Sutton last week on my YouTube channel, Stokes shot the other way to deny the plucky Russians a momentous victory. Lots of supporters had been tempted to “Come on down” and watch the game but Bruiser Bond took immediate control…

Crusher Cox and Bruiser Bond choose ends...

Oddly though, it was Sean Kavanagh who looked useful from the start with some good, wind-aided crosses from the Coventry right, the first of which was glanced on by home skipper Chris Cox but the stumbling Pierre Moudime, all frowns and running, was unable to do more than roll the ball out for a goal-kick. Spartak's swarthy midfielder Aldin Kahriman, built like an Alvis tank, attempted to prompt some Barnt Green pressure but the angular defending of Kobe ‘Kool’ Ntim cleared the danger for the hosts. Suffo then fed Kavanagh again, as Moudime and visiting left-back Sukhvir Singh collided, but Jayden Rickhuss, a central striker, playing on the flank, was unable to do more than raise a left boot and concede a goal-kick beyond the left upright, as Kavanagh’s delivery arrowed in. Kavanagh then freed Moudime for a run and he did so well to keep the ball in at the right byeline but with Froggatt defending with fearsome resolution, Rickhuss was again unable to benefit.

The Iron Curtain closes...

Bond dominates...

Kelly did ever so well to turn inside a defender on the right but when he passed inside to Kavanagh, the winger totally miscued, possibly shouting “Doh…” and then collapsed onto the lush turf, allowing the guests to mount a counter-attack, in which the shirt-busting Kahriman was evident again, but forward Myron Semper pulled a 17 yard shot wide of the right upright. A Spartak throw was wrongly awarded to Coventry and from this attacking position, Rickhuss drove a low delivery across the penalty-box, Kelly won the ball back, fed Stokes on the right but Kavanagh nodded the subsequent fine cross wastefully wide at the left stick. Rangy, awkward, but effective Spartak striker Chris Hanson then combined with Jeffery Henry but Coventry intervened, before Rickhuss won a corner for the hosts, following an exchange of passes with the quiet Suffo. Stokes was superbly marshalled by Spartak right-back Ivan Smith, along with Paul, one of the Smiths, but the creative pass from Kavanagh had been really incisive.

Tank Kahriman and Chris Cox...

Ben Vallance and Rickhuss completed more spade-work for Coventry but ‘keeper Paul Smith, who enjoyed a reasonably easy afternoon, saved easily from Stokes. The wind was strong, the pitch was true and flat, yet both teams seemed bent on hacking long balls forward for the most part, which must have made both managers think, “Ooh, I could crush a grape…” A bout of back-court booting between Bond and United’s Jamie Coleman ended with Kelly clawing at Barnt Green defender Ryan Froggatt in the inside-left channel but Kelly’s scooped 19 yard effort at goal dropped a long way beyond the right angle of bar and post. Kelly couldn’t quite get to a fine, subtle centre from Suffo, Kelly then headed down a Coleman free-kick from deep but Stokes couldn’t quite capitalise, then Fox had to be alert to advance and collect a through-pass, as Spartak countered.

Another long hack forth by Bond was defended by ‘Kool’ Ntim but Jason Bradshaw latched onto the ball at inside-left, only to drag a shot across the face of goal and wide. Henry fouled Suffo late, leaving the pensioner caressing his knees but Henry escaped with a few words from the referee, words like, “Do you know who that chap IS?” A promising run by the adventurous Moudime ended at 18 yards when he reached Bond’s Iron Curtain, Rickhuss drove a cross from left to right, then Stokes, on the left flank, fed Rickhuss again inside him but the wide-man somehow side-footed a low shot, which rolled weakly wide of the far post, from a good position. This miss suddenly precluded a daft few moments involving Coventry United, “Tonight, Matthew, we are going to be Frank Spencer…” And so, United as one, they were Frank Spencers. Kavanagh fell, lay there and eventually, Coleman’s clearance struck his heel as he attempted to get up, changing the flow of play and when ‘Tank’ Kahriman shoved a pass towards the edge of the penalty-box, Coventry hesitated, stopped, stared and stuttered, whilst Edwin Greaves surely muttered, “I don’t believe it!” but sure enough, ‘keeper Fox hesitated too and there was Semper, surely thinking “Am I bovvered?” and he nipped in gleefully to convert. Manager Greaves no doubt looked at his defenders and thought “You’re FIRED…” and the Champions, more like Chumpions at that moment, were a goal down, “Just like that…” 

The Iron Curtain has struck first...

Stokes was fouled by the powerful, yet influential Sims and Coleman’s well-flighted free-kick fell onto Rickhuss’ head at the far post but, as he told me afterwards, he didn't expect it, although he knew he should have done and his untidy header bounced badly wide. He was probably thinking: “Yeah but no but yeah but…no…” Half-time arrived, “Lovely jubbly…” for Spartak but “Our survey says…” 0-1 behind for Coventry… Substitutes warmed up, the wind chilled inside The Cage, as spectators in the sun, against the wall opposite bathed like they had just arrived in Benidorm. Edwin Greaves probably chastised his under-performing players, saying, “Here’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into…” and “Listen, I will say zis only once…” Then he sent his men out to redress the balance. The Spartak coaches would have been very pleased, probably smiling “Yabba-Dabba-Doo!” to themselves…

The Arms War: Hanson and Ntim...

Stokes beat a couple of men early in the second period, beating Ivan Smith but when Rickhuss’ left-side centre was smacked back across goal on the volley by Kavanagh, ‘Tank’ Kahriman’s presence was enough to force Stokes’ shot to drift way too high. The Tank, in The Cage, then leapt really well at the far post for Sims’ left-wing corner and only just headed behind, leaving Kobe ‘Kool’ Ntim hurt on the turf. Fox then moved from goal to collect a cross from the left byeline by the ever-available Hanson, but fumbled the ball to Tank Kahriman’s lurking boot but somehow managed to block the attempted shot. Edwin thought, in true Dad’s Army style, “Don’t panic, don’t panic…” A Cox free-kick was headed away by Spartak but Cox’s shot from the 25 yard rebound flew well wide of the right upright, then the visitors survived a corner from each flank. Coleman swung at the first, the second was cleared but Rickhuss then drove an angled delivery at Paul Smith, who held onto the ball well at his near post, in traffic.

Hanson, who was really having a battle with the incredible climbing Ntim, swung a wasteful 27 yard effort way over the bar, then Rickhuss was withdrawn, which led to the introduction of the bearded one, O’Grady. Moudime then made a real error, losing possession and freeing Semper to run at goal but instead of feeding Hanson, no doubt thinking of ‘Are You Being Served’ and mouthing “I’m free…”, Semper attempted to pass to Henry, whose danger was snuffed out. O’Grady’s corner was well headed behind by Tank Kahriman and the second flag-kick was headed well wide by the tiring Suffo, who was immediately replaced by the excellent Gift Mussa. Suffo grabbed a fag from Graham Wood, after sportingly shaking hands with the vibrant Spartak contingent around their dugout. Another corner nearly let Cox in but the remarkably less involved Kelly was ruled offside anyway in the chaotic mess which ensued. Yet another misunderstanding in the United defence led to an embarrassing error by Fox, before Ntim looked less than Kool, when receiving a caution for a wild foul from behind. The ref probably asked Kobe, like Cilla Black would have done: “What’s your name and where do you come from?”

Suffo leaves for a fag...

Reuel Prescod replaced Henry for the guests, the harassed Kavanagh was replaced by Gilbert Kugbe-Dzsisam for the hosts and the officials would have hoped that they wouldn’t have to take his name for a foul… Fox then lost possession of the ball again and only just managed to deflect the ball away at his right post, as Prescod pressed him. The hosts survived and how important that proved to be, for the ball was moved towards Kelly, left side of the penalty-box and in truth it looked like Bond had simply followed him towards the flank but Kelly toppled forward like a pile of kids’ toy bricks and the referee awarded a penalty. Bond was incensed, looking at the official, probably thinking “You ARE the weakest link: goodbye…” before he was called back to have his name taken. No problem there, for there were only four letters. Dan “Boom Boom…” Stokes, United most consistent player, stepped forth and struck a hard, low penalty into the bottom left corner of the net, as Paul Smith, remembering Stokes’ spot-kick last week, dived the other way. The Coventry fans celebrated Vicar of Dibley style: “No, no, no, no, no, no, yes…”

Stokes has regained parity for the Champions...

Vallance pressed Ivan Smith hard and won a corner, to more disgruntled Spartak yells and gesticulations, but Kelly was soon penalised and Barnt Green celebrated as one with a round of applause for the referee, maybe thinking, “You are awful, but I like you…” O’Grady cut inside from the right but trashed his shot, then made a really tricky run, which led to nought, before another O’Grady shot was deflected wide for a right-wing corner. This was claimed under pressure, to save his team, by the grateful, falling Paul Smith. Spartak had “Shut that door…” and held on for a deserved point but although United’s offense had spluttered like the damp engine in an old Ford Anglia, the guests could point to moments when they might have capitalised upon other goalkeeping gaffs.

Battle of the Beards...

Barnt Green had bonded with Bond and with Sims and Tank Kahriman working so hard in the trenches, the Russian forces remained unbeaten by The Cagemen. Hanson held up the ball well for the guests and although some Coventry players did perform well, with the league won, maybe that clinical attitude had wavered. The players waved to their fans, “Nice to see you, to see you nice…” and in all reality, “The truth is out there…” for United could be a force at the next level. As the Coventry Chairman and his wife chatted to me, he stared behind me at the totally deserted Cage and I thought, “What’s up, Doc?” And there, behind me, was the silver championship trophy, abandoned on the grass. “I have a cunning plan…” I thought and I suggested putting it on eBay, as nobody wanted it but instead I offered it to a departing player, who took it from me in sheer embarrassment.

Abandonment...

Coventry had started unbeaten at home, so they finished unbeaten at home, I wanted to remember the unavailable Brian Ndlovu and OK, he’s not the Messiah, but he is a very naughty boy, missing this game, but hey, cheer up Brian, you know what they say: some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad; other things just make you swear and curse. When you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble, give a whistle, and this’ll help things turn out for the best… And…

Always look on the bright side of life….

It was getting late, The Bodging and I left the windy Cage, mumbling, “It’s good night from him and it’s good night from me…”

Yeah, “Good night, John-Boy…”

Teams: 

Coventry United:  Jason Fox, Pierre Moudime, Ben Vallance; Chris Cox (Capt), Jamie Coleman, Kobe ‘Kool’ Ntim; Sean Kavanagh, Jayden Rickhuss, Dan Stokes, Patrick Suffo, Leon Kelly.

Subs: Martin Hutchcox, Gift Mussa, Josh O’Grady, Gilbert Kugbe-Dzsisam, Ben Adeeko.

Barnt Green Spartak:  Paul Smith, Ivan Smith, Sukhvir Singh; Joe Sims, Graham Bond (Capt), Ryan Froggatt; Jason Bradshaw, Aldin ‘Tank’ Kahriman, Chris Hanson, Jeffery Henry, Myron Semper.

Subs: Reuel Prescod, Andre Tulloch, Osama Mohammed, Colin Tomlinson (gk).