A few lines written in jest about COVENTRY UNITED'S Presentation Evening...

The Presentation Evening…

The guests spilled across the Hilton’s threshold,

In factions near the bar they milled;

Recognition was tough for they wore their posh togs,

So we guessed at identities in the time to be killed…

The club’s officials wore their blazers with badges,

Plus matching smart shirts and team ties,

Except for one chap, emblazoned in purple,

Intended no doubt, to dazzle the eyes…

Pierre Moudime had Tweeted of his shoe concern,
A life-changer, but to him a no-brainer;

His smart, dark suit was complemented

By a pair of glaring, white trainers…

One player danced the Charleston alone,

In trousers no wider than my wrist;

Slim legs sparked like faulty wires,

Or was Jayden Rickhuss quite pissed?

Josh O’Grady’s wild ambition that night,

A plot which needed him to be canned,

Was to get to grips with a badger

And up its arse place his drinking hand…

Leon ‘Ned’ Kelly, without his notorious gang,

Explained why an iron helmet he wears;

For without it he bears a close resemblance

To Chris Kamara, he of Sky Sports nightmares…

The compere, virtually eating the DJ’s microphone,

Pummelled his info’ into indiscernible sounds;

The audience simply chatted and drank and ate,

For to them, the dialogue was quite out of bounds…

We were ‘forced’ to take part in a very silly game,

Obscurely involving forks and knives,

Which nobody wanted to brandish anyway,

Except Edwin, for to win EVERYTHING he strives…

Another trophy then, for Edwin’s lounge to display,

But soon some players too were lauded;

Coxy, Stokesey and 12 year-old Gifty,

Who were all cheered and loudly applauded…

I was handed a United shirt of my own,

With ‘MOWDOG’ printed on the back,

By a quickly retreating, terrified Edwin,

To escape any humour and verbal attack…

Loved it though and will actually wear it

From this short summer break forth

And it will be revealed from beneath my wet-suit,

After surfing at Mawgan Porth…

I had written a poem for Joe Connor,

The retiring, smoking goalkeeper

But I chose not to recite it in front of the lads,

And dig my sad hole any deeper…

The Chairman looked relaxed and satisfied,

Basking in being a successful man;

Although his wife looked concerned all evening,

The irrepressible, organised Suzanne…

Sadly, Patrick Suffo could not obtain a release

From the old people’s home, the awards to attend;

So we just thought about him with a blanket covering his knees,

Then forgot all about him, from then ‘til the end…

More sadly, from the evidence of goals on the screen,

Absent too, was Tommi Maguire, the ‘Celebrated’,

Whose abilities have been acclaimed not only by me-

And incidentally, we’ve never been related...

The lads were ‘lads’ during the evening,

‘Hello Brian’ Ndlovu posed with Pierre,

Martin Hutchcox dreamed of scoring a penalty

And Rickhuss just didn’t care…

To crown the evening, before I drove home to sleep,

I’d asked the DJ to play a Kool and Gang track

For Kobe Kool Ntim, with the ‘Celebration’ smile,

But the announcement was garbled and slack…

Kobe frowned and thought he’d heard his name,

Yet the DJ’s poor dedication was a blow,

So I was forced to explain to Kobe, the ‘smiling assassin’

And a grin lit up his face with a glow...   

Credit must go to Jason Timms though,

Who, with Edwin collaborated,

To control the awards, despite the M.C.

And both must be congratulated…

Marcus and Graham, like the Spanish Inquisition,

Slunk around the tables making notes

About behaviour, conversations and any gossip,

As well as Tweetable quotes…

The illusionist caused gasps,

The fans smiled into beers,

Edwin’s speech was heartfelt

And moved many to tears…

Where can Coventry United go from here, one muses…

Will the current players hack the next level?

Will new faces replace old, in Suffo’s case, VERY,

Or will the current crop succeed and revel?  

The Hilton did well to provide Suzanne and Jason

With a venue worthy of the men from The Cage

And the success of the evening, by all the smiles around,

Was truly simple for us all to gauge...   

Pete Ray

June 2015

Coventry United’s Presentation Evening...

  

Kobe, left: he's SO Kool and the Gang...

Josh O'Grady enjoys a Badger Beer...

Jason and Edwin... Nice chaps.

Edwin grabs his fork and makes hay while the sun shines...

Pierre et les chaussures blanches...

Hello, Brian!!!

Gifty, Year 7, pretends to understand the jokes...

Using the screen, Joe Connor walks off into history...