ROYAL WOOTTON BASSETT TOWN 0-3 FLACKWELL HEATH: light-hearted match report by THE MOWDOG...

Flackers ‘Alright On the Night’, With Bassetts In All Sorts of Trouble…

Royal Wootton Bassett Town 0-3 Flackwell Heath

I listened to Lindisfarne’s ‘Best of…’ album (spot the song titles above and below, but ‘Don’t Ask Me’…) during the rain-sodden journey from Solihull to Royal Wootton Bassett, eventually turned into the rugby club’s car-park mud, packed with vehicles and even a coach, then realised I was in the wrong place, before driving on to a quieter parking lot at the football ground further along the same road. The facilities were impressive though, as was the match programme, which is a rarity these days.  I was kindly welcomed, the strong tea came with a saucer and a cup displaying a printed advertisement for the club but the rain continued outside, soaking the grass behind the perimeter fencing to swampy proportions. My umbrella behaved badly, as I made my way round to the standing enclosure, which was eventually manned along the rear step by a bunch of fellows, not too dissimilar from one another, rather like a line-up of possible petty criminals who’d nicked Lady Eleanor’s jewels in a 1960s police station…

TOSSIN' IN THE RAIN...

Flackwell Heath had struggled to reach Royal Wootton Bassett along the M4 highway and some of the players had arrived quite late, perhaps reflected by a tighter first period of 0-0 and fewer goalscoring opportunities. However, the guests had looked the more adventurous, with left-winger Dan Rapley afforded too much room to run at the home defence and midfielder Liam Tack free to spray the ball about in midfield. Striker Jon Bennett, who would find hitting the net as tough as staying dry and his side-kick, the glove-wearing Dan Burnell, failed to trouble home goalie Luke Kuczynski much before the break but in truth, Bassett failed to harass visiting custodian Aaron Watkins either.  After the break however, with the wind favouring them, the Heathens could and should have scored a lot of goals, with Bennett squandering opportunities, the goal-frame preventing two efforts from going in and Kuczynski having a fine half, making excellent saves from Tack, Joel Jacobs, Dan Molloy and Burnell. He was unable to stop Burnell from netting a deserved brace though and when right-back Mitch Woodward’s 40 yard screamer powered into the top left corner of the net, he was indeed rendered helpless. It was ‘All Fall Down’ for Bassett…

WRAPPED FOR WINTER... BUT I KNOW WHO'S GOT HIS GLOVES...

A run towards the right by Bennett allowed Joe Blount a shot from 18 yards for the Heathens, which was too high, as the opening period was rather sedate, featuring a strong start by Heathens’ defender Ash James, a busy start by Bassett’s Dan Bailey and the dark gloves of Burnell looking like he was protecting his mitts for an episode of the ‘Bake-Off’ after the match. Visiting left-back Jacobs featured regularly in those early stages, shooting too high from a free-kick, after home forward Sam Packer’s right-side centre hadn’t been anticipated by any colleagues at all. Jacobs then made a positive run, crossed towards Blount at the far stick but the winger’s header dropped not only over the stranded Kuczynski but also onto the roof of the net. Home defender Dan Comer, who was often dropping deep to avoid the danger of the Rapley rampages, did execute an offensive one-two for the Bassetts, but it was the alert Jacobs who managed to get back to concede a corner, which strong home defender Adam Corcoran headed too high, after leaving Heathen markers to get to the ball.

THE 8s BATTLE IT OUT...

JACOBS PREPARES TO SHOOT TOO HIGH...

A fine run to the left byeline by Rapley ended with a smart near post flick at goal by Bennett, which deflected off Kuczynski’s legs, onto the upright and away for a corner, which was driven towards the near post again, where Burnell’s crouching header deflected off home central defender Matt Cheetham for another flag-kick, which the Bassetts were glad to clear. All the hosts could manage in reply was a pass from the neat and nippy, brilliantly named Harvey Scholes to Steve Olphert, whose 22 yard effort dropped past the left upright. The home forwards, Packer and Joe Hiscock, were running routes well enough but receiving little real service and the frustration boiled over for Packer, who was penalised, showed dissent and was promptly cautioned by the referee. Odd, really, for the striker reminded me a little of Alvis Sporting’s Tommi Maguire, who has real talent, but I’m not related to him… (Ask Coventry United’s fans for an explanation to that comment…)

BLOUNT THREATENS...

"I'M NOT ANGRY, JUST PIGGIN' ANNOYED..."

A 40 yard shot on the turn by the gloved Burnell bounced and skidded awkwardly for Kuczynski to gather, before a challenge by Bennett allowed Burnell a low over-shoulder effort, which bounced wide of the right post and the half was over. The weather had remained unpleasant, indeed it became colder and I hummed ‘Winter Song’, although the skies around the stadium were as spectacular as the game hadn’t been. 

THE FOG FROM THE TYNE?

After the interval, the guests took the lead with rather a good goal. A free-kick from the right boot of the tactical Tack, which appeared to be miscued from 24 yards, quite obviously hadn’t been, for striker Burnell had apparently anticipated a low pass into the penalty-box at inside-left and he turned the ball instantly, left-footed, low past Kuczynski. Well-worked, although at first, it seemed that Tack’s kick had been an error, rather than well disguised.

A GOAL AT LAST FOR FLACKWELL HEATH...

HUGS FOR MR GLOVE...

Watkins, enjoying a fairly quiet afternoon, then decided to add some interest to the proceedings when his rather Amir Khan-like fist of the ball, straight at Scholes, bounced neatly back into his arms near the edge of the 18 yard box, like it had been a totally planned and a unique one-two. Then Woodward came to the fore, picking up possession inside the Bassett half, making a few yards and blasting a memorable right-booter high into the top left corner of the net from fully 40 yards… Woodward sang “Meet Me On the Corner” of the penalty-box, then “We Can Swing Together”, which they did, and suddenly, through the gloom, the Flackers saw a ‘Clear White Light’… So glad I videoed the goal for him to gloat over and annoy people with for the next few decades… 

COMER (2) ATTEMPTS TO NICK BURNELL'S GLOVES...

RAPLEY IN SPACE: HOW UNUSUAL...

0-2 & WOODWARD IS UNDER THERE, SOMEWHERE...

Kuczynski was then called upon several times to keep the score down and his first good save was to dive right and push aside a decent 23 yard free-kick by the ever-impressive Tack. The resulting corner was cleared to Burnell, 15 yards out but his shot on the turn flew too high. Bennett then sent Burnell scampering into the right side of the penalty-area, from whence the striker’s acute angled shot struck the crossbar, with Kuczynski flying like a barn owl in the gloom. The referee then deflected a Heathen pass into the path of Blount, like he’d been instructed to do so, but the winger’s shot was more easily gathered by Kuczynski, which precipitated the replacement of the by now very quiet Hiscock by Christy Miller. The centre-forward might just have been miffed then, when almost immediately, fine work on the right by the rather precocious Packer ended with a good cross and Watkins again made the chaps on the step gasp, as he somewhat carelessly palmed the ball over his own head along the goal-line, where perhaps Hiscock might just have been waiting, had he been on the pitch… Oh well, maybe not, eh?

Packer was becoming more involved, oddly and I liked his style but it was his opposite number, Burnell, who next affected the game, by slotting Bennett clear, centrally but with only the advancing Kuczynski to beat, the ball bounced off the striker’s left boot and onto his right as he stumbled, wrong-footing the goalkeeper, sending the ball rolling past the left upright and leaving the old gits on the terrace in fits of laughter, rather like Paul Merson’s reaction to Tim Sherwood’s comment yesterday that he would leave his phone off, when asked whether he might receive a sacking phone-call. He was sacked today.

Corcoran foolishly kicked the ball away to earn a booking, then a right-side Heathen centre evaded the unmarked Burnell and rolled to the even more unmarked Rapley at the far post, where his low shot cannoned off the boots of Kuczynski, against the foot of the upright and Corcoran kicked the ball away for which he wasn’t booked this time, of course… Bailey curled the ball from left to right across the Heathen goalmouth, in a rare attack by the hosts but Packer was still packing some neat moments into the play, although Flackwell replaced Rapley with Molloy soon afterwards. Martin Sinclair replaced the hard-working Scholes for the home team, before a smart flick-on by Bennett released Tack at inside-right, who heeled the ball into a volleying position but his fine effort from 15 yards bounced just wide of the left stick.

Chris Hurst replaced Blount for the visitors and then Burnell’s shot from a decent left-wing delivery by Jacobs was palmed aside by the overworked Kuczynski but then the ‘keeper did well again, when Jacobs made a positive run and let fly with a strong shot from distance, leaving the goalie to leap and tip the ball out of the top left corner of goal, conceding yet another corner. Bennett couldn’t get a decent touch at the near post from another cross by Jacobs, who had intercepted a Bassett pass, before Molloy fed Burnell, running free and at will by this time but his curling effort strayed just beyond the far angle of bar and post. Joe Gritt replaced the neat and effective Tack (Gritt and Tack? Surely a firm of ironmongers?) and then Molloy cut inside from the left flank, fired in a swerving right-footer but he too was denied by the agility of Kuczynski, who arched backwards to turn the ball over his crossbar in style.

The resulting corner from the excellent Jacobs found Burnell’s head in front of the errant Kuczynski and bounced into the net off the underside of the crossbar and the scoreline looked a little more accurate by the finish. A fine pass by Molloy, releasing Bennett at inside-left ended with another curled Heathen effort passing beyond the far angle of bar and post, for it was not to be Bennett’s day…  

BURNELL HAS HEADED HOME...

0-3...

GAME VERY SAFE...

Packer kept working, Bailey showed odd glimpses for Bassett and Scholes looked clever on occasions but the hero for the hosts was the goalkeeper, although in fairness, Cheetham and Corcoran did make several last-gasp clearances too. Visiting skipper Ben Sturgess was the perfect foil for Tack, collecting the ball regularly, laying it off often and tackling hard generally, so becoming a real presence for the guests. Burnell simply got better but Bennett’s team-ethic was as good as his finishing wasn’t in this game, but Rapley and Jacobs had exploited a real weakness on the home team’s right-flank too many times.  James Tripp and James were rarely troubled in the Heathen defence (‘Together Forever’, perhaps?) but it would have been fun to report that James had conceded a penalty with a Tripp, maybe? Another victory for Flackwell Heath and another step on the ‘Road To Kingdom Come’…

BENNETT: AWRY AGAIN...

My mum was a talented netballer in the 1930s for her school team at Cherrywood Road in Birmingham; she delighted in telling me that no-one beat them and everyone called them the ‘Cherrypickers’ and of course, Flackwell Heath is known for its, er, cherry pickers… Odd that.

The game had ended with lovely skies over Royal Wootton Bassett, replacing what had previously looked more like ‘The Fog On the Tyne’ in the distance and I drove back to Solihull ready for a decent curry at Cafe Saffron in Knowle… 

It’s what I do. 

But on Fridays usually… 

TEAMS:

ROYAL WOOTTON BASSETT TOWN:

Luke Kuczynski, Dan Comer,  George Drewitt (Capt), Nathan Hawkins, Matt Cheetham, Adam Corcoran, Harvey Scholes, Steve Olphert, Joe Hiscock, Sam Packer, Dan Bailey.

SUBS:

Martin Sinclair, Hugo Vivash, Christy Miller, Curtis Meare.

FLACKWELL HEATH:

Aaron Watkins, Mitch Woodward, Joel Jacobs, Ash James, James Tripp, Liam Tack, Joe Blount, Ben Sturgess (Capt), Jon Bennett, Dan Burnell, Dan Rapley.

SUBS:

Dan Molloy, Chris Hurst, Joe Gritt.