WOLVERHAMPTON UNITED 10-1 LANCHESTER ATHLETIC: MATCH REPORT BY THE MOWDOG...

Plucky Lanchester Way Outgunned…

Wolverhampton United 10-1 Lanchester Athletic

Sparring well above their weight, Athletic were mercilessly punished by United, who netted half their goals in the minutes immediately preceding the ends of the two halves. Indeed, the guests made a real fist of the second period and had only conceded a free-kick goal, which rolled between their replacement ‘keeper’s legs, until that fatal couple of minutes. Obviously, players were changed about during the game and thus little pattern formed at all but several individuals performed well, although it has to be said that most of the goals scored were like low key training ground strikes. Forward Liam Stevens (I believe…) netted a hat-trick for the hosts, as well as pulling a one-on-one chance wide in the opening moments, Mal Santos grabbed a brace and the other goals were spread about the team. Left-sided attacker John Akkani (I hope that’s right…) scored Lanchester’s goal, with the aid of a skid beneath the goalie but he also displayed one superb trick, which is featured on one of the video clips. Despite some heavy showers, the afternoon was enjoyable, Wolves United were welcoming and I just loved their shed…

THE LANCHESTER SKIPPER TRIES TO SPOT THE BALL...

Not only did United score seven times before the interval, with Lanchester’s powerful but drenched ‘keeper Rich Moore looking crestfallen and dripping rain from his whiskers, other chances were squandered. The most amusing was when the number 7 benefited from a loose ball at the right post but instead of turning, he attempted to back-heel the ball over the goal-line. He fell in a tired heap over the byeline and the ball struck the foot of the upright, leaving Moore more or less amazed. Moore also got down to save at his right post from steady United skipper Lee Smith and then saved from the home right-back too, who had been released by Santos. The languid Santos, missed in the opening period of half two, having been rested, also set up the number 9 twice, who skied one effort and earlier had another blocked by Athletic’s number 2. Santos then casually scorned an opportunity to grab a first-half trio of goals, when 9 fed him but he attempted to clip a shot with the outside of his right boot and the ball flew past the left upright.

RICH MOORE: DRY AT THE MOMENT...

STEVENS HAS JUST SHOT WIDE FOR UNITED...

Lanchester scored when 2-0 behind but apart from a wayward free-kick by 2 and a near post block by the home goalie from number 14, all the Wolves custodian really had to do was rush out and smother a few long balls played forward. Home 11 sat deep in midfield and looked comfortable, even moving to right-back later on but Steve Evans, who I’m told was wearing 6 for United was unhurried throughout, wearing his red shorts, as if he was still on a beach somewhere and working off last night’s beers. He played well.

THE GUY IN BLACK YELLS: "HOME..."

OMG: DOES THE COACH SUPPORT SMALL HEATH?
I THINK HE DOES...

The second-half brought even less fluidity to the game, through many substitutions and probably tiredness but Stevens shot wide for the hosts, replacement Athletic ‘keeper tipped a shot over the goal-frame from United’s 7, 12 was close to scoring twice and Smith drove well off target with a keen left-footer. Lanchester managed only a wayward shot by 14, following a fine trick and low feed by Akkani, who was then beaten to a through-pass by the outrushing goaltender. There was more concerted effort by the visitors though and they were less vulnerable to Wolves’ attacks on their flanks, which was a main failure of their first-half display. Lanchester’s players, never stopped working, with 2, 5, 6, 14 and Akkani always prominent. 

PRE-GREY CLOUDS AND RAIN...

Wolves had passed the ball neatly in the early stages of the game and although they found it not quite so easy after the interval, their pressure told with those two late goals by 10 and 12. This had been a useful workout for both teams, played in a good spirit in front of a reasonable attendance, but it has to be remembered that Lanchester play in Brum’s Coronation League 3 and Wolves play in the West Midlands League, which are leagues apart, as they say… 

AFTER WOLVES' 7 HAD BACK-HEELED ONTO A POST...

Apologies for the lack of identification of players but that’s how it is in pre-season, although a few names were Tweeted my way! Below is a catalogue of the goals scored…

1-0:

Santos, right of goal picked up on a stretched block by Athletic’s number 2 and slipped a low shot into the left corner of the net.  

SANTOS HAS SCORED...

2-0:

7 got away from visiting 6 at inside-left, 18 yards out, then passed into the 6 yard box, where Santos’ deft touch beat Moore.

...& A SECOND FOR SANTOS...

THE LANCHESTER PLAYER IS UNIMPRESSED...

2-1:

Akkani raced forward, left-side and shot low, left-footed but straight at the goalie from 12 yards, yet the ball skidded and squirmed beneath the ‘keeper’s body.

2-1 NOW...

NOT MUCH OF A CELEBRATION...

3-1:

United’s 9 shoved a pass to the overlapping left-back (3) and he slipped the ball easily past Moore from an angle.

3-1 NOW...

THE OVERLAPPER HAS NETTED...

4-1:

Wolves’ 3 overlapped again and his low centre was converted deftly by Stevens.

STEVENS HAS NETTED...

4-1 NOW...

5-1:

Stevens chased a forward pass, beating Athletic’s 23, Moore raced out but kicked the ball against the striker, who recovered to run the ball into the empty net. 

STEVENS BOOGIES & IT'S 5-1...

6-1:

Santos’ low centre to 9 in the middle of the penalty-area saw him trick Lanchester’s 23 and shoot high into the net, with Moore almost certainly unsighted by a defender in front of him.

NUMBER 9 SCORES...

6-1 BEFORE THE BREAK...

7-1:

An awful defensive pass across the 18 yard box from the left-back position allowed Stevens to sweep the ball past a helpless Moore.

HAT-TRICK FOR STEVENS...

8-1:

Replacement ‘keeper Liam Walker allowed a 27 yard free-kick by United’s 7 to squirm between his shins as it dropped low onto the goal-line. 

NEW GOALIE ERRS...

...& IT'S 8-1...

9-1:

Wolves’ busy number 10 was clear at inside-left but although the ‘keeper saved at his feet, he was able to convert the rebound from an angle.

SECOND ATTEMPT: 9-1...

LANCHESTER REALLY DOWN...

10-1:

United’s 11 and 16 exchanged passes, before 11 fed 12 at inside-right. He played a one-two with the replacement 9, leaving Lanchester defenders 15 and 23 leaden-footed and shot hard inside the near post from 12 yards, although the goalkeeper made little effort to react. 

10-1...

THE NUMBER 12 HAS COMPLETED THE SCORING...

Me? Took the M5 option back to Solihull and friends came to dinner. But they cycled…