CHRIST THE KING 4-3 COVENTRY PLUMBING: MATCH REPORT & IMAGES...

Leaky Plumbers Punished By Christ the King’s Brother Kavanagh…

Christ the King 4-3 Coventry Plumbers

The match-up seemed so far fetched: Christ the King v Coventry Plumbers? It simply couldn’t be right… However, Sean Kavanagh represented Christ the King with all the demeanour of a priest plodding to pray at vespers, yet with all the guile  in front of goal to render the Plumbers into pipe fumblers whenever he timed his runs between defenders. He netted four times then disappeared to get changed and only then did a smile appear from beneath his cowl. 

KAVANAGH CLOSES HIS EYES AND THEN TREADS ON THE BALL.
HE COUNTS THE STUDS WHICH STRIKE IT AND THAT IS HOW HE WORKS OUT HOW MANY GOALS HE WILL SCORE TODAY.
THIS TIME IT WOULD BE 4...

For portions of this game, played on ugly, harsh, spiky grassy areas of pallid green and faded yellow, the visitors often made the running but CTK were more clinical, as illustrated by Kavanagh’s header from a corner, his no nonsense spot-kick, his lashed hat-trick finish and his fourth goal which was more down to prayer, the will of Christ and devilish bad luck for Plumbing goalie Ross Davis, as the ball rolled against both posts and barely crossed the goal-line. Brother Kavanagh also went close with a lobbed effort but in truth, Coventry could have been handed a bigger defeat if two late chances hadn’t been squandered, the second of which has to be seen on my video clip to be believed. A cartoon movie couldn’t have conjured up such a calamitous miss…

THE REF CAUTIONS AN ERRANT TREE...

However, the game was officiated by a referee who seemed like he was still mourning England’s exit from the World Cup, even booking two players, Sean Taggart of the Christians and James Chappell of the Plumbers. As if a Chappell was playing against Christ… Can’t get my head round that. Both Ant Pooler and Cam Innes drove wide for the hosts during the first of three 30 minute periods, whereas a couple of early sorties by Connoll Farrell led only to a cross and a shot to home goalie Aaron Barrell. The shot was an awkward one from 18 yards and maybe better suited to the boot on Farrell’s other leg, perhaps. On the right flank for the Plumbers was the ex-Cageman from Coventry United, Wendel Moyo, who really does look good when he runs at people but it happened all too rarely on this July day. He did set up Chappell though, whose shot Barrell deemed to spill and collect, rather than click and collect.

1-0: KAVANAGH CELEBRATES WILDLY, AS AN OPPONENT SWATS A MIDGE...

The opening goal was a simple header from 4 yards by Kavanagh from a left-side corner delivery, although Dan Wilde had moved from post-guard as the ball flew across and Jack Dobson had lost the elusive Brother Sean. No sooner had CTK begun to relish their lead, two rather stretched out and untidy one-twos between Farrell and Liam Doyle at inside-left, ended with Farrell grounded but Doyle cleverly clipped an angled shot over and round Barrell with the outside of his left boot into the top right corner of the net.

1-1 & DOYLE BURSTS INTO SONG...

Immediately, Plumber Nathan Telford tripped the bullish home left-back Craig Hatton in the penalty-box and Kavanagh’s low spot-kick, right of centre, was unerring.

2-1...

A THREE-HANDSPRING CELEBRATION BY KAVANAGH...

Before the opening third was completed a rush inside from the right by Moyo ended with a tackle, the ball was nudged by Doyle onto the retreating boot of Hatton and it rolled abjectly past Barrell into the left corner of goal to regain parity for the Plumbers.

2-2: OWN GOAL, INSTIGATED BY MOYO, SECOND FROM RIGHT...

And thus the Plumbers’ overalls were changed from sky blue and white to dark blue and different players emerged for period two also. Merely a far post header from a right-flank free-kick by CTK’s 11 (Chris Clark, or Danny Bull?) which was deflected for a corner and a far post slash by Kiam Galdins, another ex-Coventry United guy, which flew into the side-netting threatened the visitors at all for 30 minutes. Except for Brother Kavanagh’s third goal, that is…

"OOH, LIAM, I LIKE YOUR ORANGE SHOES..."

CASUAL DUGOUT...

HAS SOMEONE BROKEN WIND?

"ELBOW? WHAT ELBOW?"

He was released centrally by Innes and for once the new Plumbing central defensive pairing lost the striker’s run and he smashed a low drive past Davis into the bottom right corner of the net. 

3-2: TRIPLE SOMERSAULT BY KAVANAGH...

The guests had gone close a couple of times themselves in a less incident packed 30 minutes, both through number 10 Jordan Powell. First he nearly nudged home a low near post cross by useful left-winger Kyle Gorman but the ball deflected away off the goalie’s feet and then his low drive was again spilled and collected by Barrell. Soon it was time to change the plumbing overalls again and this time we saw the bright yellow ones for the final half-hour but their brightness would not bring the visitors much joy at all.

"THIS SCORING IS GETTING MONOTONOUS. I NEED A BEER..."

HARD LANDINGS AHEAD...

Despite the mainly solid display in the Plumbing back line by Rob Campbell, gaps appeared on a few occasions, often between the left side of the central pairing and the left-back and following a dummy turn by Brother Kavanagh, Steve Gints got clear centrally but was denied by the advancing Davis’ left boot. Brother Kavanagh himself exploited the inside-right channel but lobbed off target from an angle, before Pooler side-footed a great chance straight at Davis, before Sean the Skipper made the game rather safer for his team.

FINAL BREAK...

"30 MINUTES TO SAVE OURSELVES..."

WAXWORK MODEL KICKS OFF...

NOW THAT REALLY IS A LEAP...

Again through inside-right, he had time to turn in a circle, bless the ball and consecrate the ground before magically and cunningly slipping a low 15 yard shot off the left upright and then the right upright with such a deft spin that it rolled just enough across the goal-line, leaving the chasing Davis cursing his own gods…

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH. GONNA RING RACING CLUB WARWICK AND TELL THEM WHAT THEY'RE MISSING..."

4-2 NOW BUT SEAN IS OFF TO GET A KNEE TATTOOED...

MUST BE WATCHING A BBC SIT-COM...

And what of the Plumbers in the third period? Well, they battled, but even with Farrell, Doyle, Moyo and Gorman on offense, they were unable to be very creative at all. Doyle shot at Barrell, then fell at the near post onto a Gorman centre to no avail but eventually Doyle’s low drive did beat the CTK goalie from 8 yards out. It was too late though and after Pooler’s late miss, it fell to Ryan Welsh to end the show with a very unusual double failure to score. By a quirk of fate, he ran clear at inside-right, supported by Callum McGinley to his left and in defence, well there was, er, nobody… Davis advanced cautiously towards Welsh in case he passed to his totally unmarked colleague but ultimately the ‘keeper did well to parry Welsh’s shot upwards and we all watched in awe as both forwards ran towards the ball’s slow-motion-like drop but it was Welsh’s head which lifted it well off target, to his horror… 

DOYLE'S MATES WON'T JOIN IN WITH HIS CELEBRATORY HUNGARIAN WHEAT PLANTERS' DANCE...

COSSACK DANCING HAS BROKEN OUT AT BABLAKE...

"GODS, HOW DID WE COCK THAT UP?"

And the game thus ended. CTK will surely be pleased with the outcome and especially with the finishing of P.P., the Predatory Priest, Brother Kavanagh, who literally won the encounter for his team. Ant Allen probed with intelligence for the hosts though and McGinley drifted about in attack with guile at times. Subsequent efforts, not only to bring Farrell and Moyo into the game, but also to shore up the occasionally susceptible back-line, didn’t work out for the Plumbers but when a settled squad of players has finally been drawn up, they might be a force in Midland League 3. Their skipper, Jack Dobson is a real leader and should be a power for them in midfield. 

CTK were often patient, Galdins was prominent later in the game, as was the other number 13, Taggart, who performed soundly and usefully throughout for the Christians. Dependable left-back Hatton was mean, Ewan Scott made some telling tackles but when one looks back at the game’s statistics, one will recall one chap: the priestly Sean Kavanagh…

THANKS TO BOTH MANAGERS FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO DECODE THEIR CARTOONS OF CIRCLES, NICKNAMES AND CHRISTIAN NAMES BUT ALSO FOR NOT MOANING AT MY DIRECT TWEETS, ASKING FOR CLARIFICATION…

I UNRESERVEDLY APOLOGISE FOR ANY ERRORS IN THE REPORT ABOVE AND/OR IN THE LISTS BELOW… 

SQUADS:

CHRIST THE KING:

AARON BARRELL, SEAN WILSON, SEAN TAGGART, EWAN SCOTT, CRAIG HATTON, STEVE GINTS, ANT ALLEN, CAM INNES, ANT POOLER, SEAN KAVANAGH (CAPT), CALLUM McGINLEY, CHRIS CLARKE, DANNY BULL, KIAM GALDINS, LIAM DUFFY, RYAN WELSH.

COVENTRY PLUMBING:

ROSS DAVIS, NATHAN TELFORD, JAMES CHAPPELL, ADAM BRANIGAN, JACK DOBSON (CAPT), JORDAN POWELL, CONNOLL FARRELL, ROB CAMPBELL, JASON ? (LATE NUMBER 2), OWEN? , KYLE GORMAN, LIAM DOYLE, WENDEL MOYO, SHAMMI WILLIAMS, LOZ WOODROFFE, DAN WILDE, CAM KNIGHT, CURTIS GOODISON.