HOLWELL SPORTS 2-4 BORROWASH VICTORIA: full, light-hearted report by THE MOWDOG...

Borrowash Repair Gearbox On Malfunction Day

Holwell Sports 2-4 Borrowash Victoria

I am familiar with Easter Monday, Shrove Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and now, even Black Friday, for shopping bargains but this was Malfunction Saturday… Not only did Borrowash malfunction during a first-half of territorial advantage but there was also little else from the spluttering Vics. The unfortunate ‘keeper Ash Warner, totally blameless, had also seen two right-footers from home skipper Michael Stevenson, one a penalty, flash inside his right upright. Due to the extreme cold, my dictaphone malfunctioned too, meaning my notes were kept orally by commenting upon a good number of video clips. Unfortunately, my fingers malfunctioned too and I could barely press the ‘Record’ button on several occasions, none more so than when the home defence malfunctioned and conceded a penalty at 2-2. Despite my desperate efforts, my thumb would simply not activate the necessary button and so Louis Menson-Evans’ spot-kick success was not filmed, although I did manage to get a clip of his second goal. Malfunctioning batteries, because of the constant use, meant that the camera only just managed to last the ninety minutes and therefore, interviews with players or manager were not possible. Malfunctioning, slightly arthritic fingers somehow started my car after the game ended and the 63 mile journey home was engaged.

Birch & Stevenson toss... The officials stand straight for the assessors...

Kye warms up to the imagined sounds of K-Ci & Jojo's 'Tell Me It's Real'...

Getting back to succeed 2-4, from 2-0 behind on a soft surface, which despite the three heavy rollers visible, was causing the ball to roll unevenly as well as slowly, was impressive in awful, chilled conditions at Welby Road. Borrowash gained territorial advantage, held onto that but in truth rarely troubled home goalie Carlton Cropper to, er, come a cropper. Untidy passing, an inability to be incisive and the domination of home defenders Ian Bitmead and Freddie Daws in the air, saw the Borrowash offence malfunction where it really mattered, in and around the 18 yard box. The hosts suckered their guests with two goals on the break but after the interval, Vics’ persistence won out and Holwell simply couldn’t hold on.

Kye simply has to be in as many photos as possible...
Looks determined though.

An early acrobatic shot by Menson-Evans flew well wide, Warner picked up a weak shot by Sports’ Matt Lowe and at the opposite end, graft by Ryan Fuller-Nadin led to Cropper losing possession of the ball, only to grab it again before Kye Hall could react. Julian Joachim’s short pass then bounced off Adam Burton’s boot, right into the path of home skipper Stevenson and his instant low drive was hard, low and true, and it cannoned into the net via the left upright, leaving Warner clawing air and grumbling about his team’s malfunctioning defending.

Shock lead...

Stevenson (yellow shirt, armband) has scored...

A corner by Adam Martin on the Vics’ right led to a Hall fall at the near post, then an immediate right-side throw by Owen Brown, also to the near post, saw Hall fall again. He smiled. Was his leg-balance malfunctioning? The sluggish Borrowash efforts to regain parity were suddenly forgotten though, as Joachim’s long and angled pass towards Tom Harris at inside-right led to a quick one-two by the slight winger and an unwise challenge by Vics’ skipper Scott Birch on Harris, to concede a penalty, which Stevenson drove hard and low into the left corner of the net again, leaving Warner grasping air and grumbling slightly louder this time about his team’s malfunctioning defending. 

Julian Joachim appears to be wearing a malfunctioning fez...

Owen Brown miscues the leg and kicks the ball.
Unlucky, mate...

Adam Burton attempts to remove Joachim's socks...

Old nursery rhyme springs to mind...
All fall down...

Penalty scored: 2-0 to Holwell...

Stevenson again...

Menson-Evans had been given scant protection from a referee who was probably aware that there was a trainee assessor, as well as a veteran assessor watching his performance and the Borrowash forward, along with Kirk Francis were bundled about somewhat by the robust but really effective Holwell defence. Menson-Evans fed the influential Brandon Gwinnutt for a low shot, which was weak, yet Cropper fell early and made a real meal of dealing with the bumpy effort. Joachim cut inside from the left but his 23 yard drive went out for a throw-in on the Vics’ defensive left, before Hall made ground along the left byeline but was blocked off by Cropper at the expense of a corner. Alex Marshall, looking uncomfortable in the first-half, attempted a chip from 24 yards but the ball dropped over the right angle of bar and post, with the yelling of his coaches ringing in his ears, no doubt: “HIT IT…” 

Menson-Evans saw a low shot blocked, Fuller-Nadin fed Martin for a shot which caused Cropper no bother, then following some decent Borrowash passing, Gwinnutt’s shot malfunctioned. As the half ended, Marshall also had a shot blocked by the massed Holwell defence but then the rather ineffective Francis took a feed from the right by the industrious, if not very fortunate Hall but dribbled a weak miscued shot to the relieved Cropper from 6 yards out. I had enjoyed a fine commentary on the first period by Warner, who on one occasion yelled to his manager that there was no centre-forward, for the pair of strikers were playing as wingers, at which point the manager yelled to his strikers that they were too far apart and playing like wingers. Random, or what? Surely, with the technology we now possess, like in the NFL, Warner and Mr Hamson could have been rigged up with headsets? Non-malfunctioning ones…

The interval meant 15 minutes of hands in pockets in an attempt to bring life to an old codger’s extremities but when the game restarted, there was more urgency about Borrowash and they soon pulled a goal back, through Hall, whose hair was functioning well. A free-kick on the right from the left boot of Martin was glanced on by Holwell’s Gary Drake (should he have ducked..?) but two colleagues also jumped, leaving Hall unmarked at the left upright, from whence the sun glinted off his gold teeth as his low shot beat the ‘keeper and nudged off a defender’s boot on its way into the net.

Menson-Evans attacks the byeline...

The ref joins in the goalscoring jig... Wonder what the assessor thought?

Kye has netted: 2-1 now...

Kye reveals that functional hairstyle...

More skirmishing and losses of possession on the pudding of a surface ended up with a foul on Menson-Evans, right-side, just outside the penalty-box. Lionel Messi would have relished the free-kick opportunity but Martin took it, curling a lovely shot, which dipped splendidly into the far corner of the net to regain parity for his team.

Adam Martin (centre, foreground) has equalised with a fine free-kick...

The third goal simply had to come and from a right-side corner by Marshall, whose game had improved considerably since the break, the ball bounced about; Fuller-Nadin and Gwinnutt were involved but as Menson-Evans turned, his legs disappeared under Bitmead’s slide and the official awarded a penalty. Hall took a fall. Again. Cue my frozen thumb’s malfunction as Menson-Evans struck a confident penalty to the goalie’s left, who came a cropper, falling right. Sorry, Louis…

2-3 now: Menson-Evans has netted a penalty...

Danny Briscoe replaced Francis but like last week, after going 2-3 ahead, Vics nearly offered Holwell an unlikely equaliser, allowing Stevenson to pass smartly towards the right for Harris, whose angled drive was beaten down, then collected by the cold, stiffening, yet alert Warner. Briscoe turned and drove a shot too high for the guests, Lewis Belgrave and Dave Carr replaced Fuller-Nadin and Martin I believe, whose deliveries had supplied Borrowash’s opening two goals and it was Belgrave who fastened onto a pass by the by now elusive Menson-Evans, but the youngster’s shot from 22 yards flew too high. A Gwinnutt free-kick from deep caused mayhem in the home 6 yard box but Menson-Evans’ scrambled effort rolled wide of the right post, then the visitors made the game safe.

Menson-Evans: a second-half threat...

Menson-Evans fastened onto a pass where he likes to, through the middle, like Joachim used to, but although the advancing Cropper stopped the striker’s first shot, Menson-Evans recovered to convert the rebound left-booted, past a retreating defender on the goal-line. 

2-4: Menson-Evans again...

It remained only for Hall to run neatly at inside-right and shoot at Cropper, for Hall to shove a low centre across goal from the right byeline and cause some chaos and for Belgrave to chase back and harry an opponent,as Holwell attempted to break. 

Above & below: Borrowash end the game on the offensive, but not malfunctioning much...

The home defence was really good for much of this game but going forward for them was tough, as quite often the midfielders were extra hands to the defensive pump and possession was rendered back to Borrowash. Joachim never stopped running, looked comfortable in possession but never threatened Warner’s goal, although Stevenson’s brace in the opening half were worthy finishes. Brown battled hard for Vics, Adam Burton and Birch did well enough in the defensive zone and with Marshall (built like a natural centre-forward reminding me a little of Fernando Torres in stature) improving and Hall never once baulking at the effort needed, the malfunctioning Vics went up through a couple of gears to snatch victory from the mire of defeat. The manager told me that this game was a potential banana-skin. That’s why I didn’t unzip mine.

The journey back to Solihull was decent, guests came to dinner and the meal functioned rather well…

TEAMS:  

HOLWELL SPORTS:

Carlton Cropper, Gary Drake, Alex Purkis, Mike Hallam, Ian Bitmead, Freddie Daws, Tom Harris, Tom Barnard, Julian Joachim, Michael Stevenson (Capt), Matt Lowe.

SUBS:

Jay McKay, Levi Routen, Sam Daws.

BORROWASH VICS:

Ash Warner, Owen Brown, Adam Martin, Scott Birch (Capt), Adam Burton, Ryan Fuller-Nadin, Kirk Francis, Brandon Gwinnutt, Louis Menson-Evans, Kye Hall, Alex Marshall.

SUBS:

Lewis Belgrave, Dave Carr, Danny Briscoe.