COVENTRY UNITED 5-0 BARNT GREEN SPARTAK: light-hearted match report by THE MOWDOG...

Dakouri Dynamism Dampens Battling Barnt Green…

Coventry United 5-0 Barnt Green Spartak

Horrendous M42 traffic meant crawling to Henley College, listening to ‘Savages’, Theory of A Deadman’s noisy album, which was better than feeling frustrated by the queues, but my goal was to watch Spartak play Coventry United. Not FCs Spartak Moscow, Spartak Nalchik, or Spartak Vladikavkaz from Russia, nor the Slovenian Spartak Trnava, nor the Bulgarian Spartak Plovdiv, for this was THE Spartak, from Barnt Green. Spartak appears to derive from Spartacus, who, famously sought by Romans who were crucifying their enemies, remained anonymous by all the hanging captives crying out: “I’m Spartacus…” The Monty Python team took this further, when in ‘Life of Brian’, Brian was offered a release from crucifixion but everyone else cried out: “I’m Brian…” and so the executions went ahead, with the chaps always looking on the bright side of life. So, with Coventry United’s Brian ‘The Messiah’ Ndlovu not playing in this match and with the Romans in mind, it seems fitting to celebrate the player and also Coventry’s preserved Roman fort at Lunt, by referring to the team for this game as ‘The Luntmen’.

The Bodging leaves a trench on pitch 2...

The Spartak manager kindly wrote down his players’ names for me but I apologise now for any errors of identification in the following report. Coventry, with ‘keeper Rich Morris nursing a sore toe and Tommy Hindmarsh absent, gave Sean Wilson a complete game but in truth, bar a rising shot straight at him in the opening period by Casey Roberts and a bobbling low shot which he managed to cling to from the ever so combative Marcus Malcolm, who marauded, mangled and munched his way through the match in midfield, the ‘keeper was rarely extended. Malcolm also received a manic caution from the officious replacement referee soon after the break. Paul Smith, in the Spartak goal, was busier, although he was culpable for none of the goals, as well as making several saves before the interval and touching away a low Pierre Moudime centre at full stretch. During the second period, Smith used his goal-frame to keep out a couple of shots, rather than have to extend himself further. And yet Spartak had begun the game in lively fashion, with left-sided attacker Myron Semper looking lively, also dispossessing Moudime a couple of times, but supporting strong forward Pedro Douglas. Lean right-sided offenseman Roberts was often tricky too. 

Hutchcox and Froggart toss...

An early defensive slice by Paul Smith was covered by a defender, but Malcolm and the physical Paul Bonar both shot off-target for the guests. The Luntmen suddenly began to connect with passes and with the on-trial Charlie Cook making sharp and swift runs off defenders, plus Ross Briscoe and Muzzi Nduna adding their abilities, Spartak began to struggle more. Briscoe, tackling back, fed Cook, left-side, whose hooked cross found Nduna clear but a flag waved him offside and then, when Briscoe was beaten in the air to Rob Prinzel’s deep free-kick by a Spartak defender, Josh O’Grady’s back-heel to Cook on the left ended with an angled effort into the side-netting. When the first goal came, a second followed, like they say about awaiting local buses; Moudime won a right-flank corner, O’Grady took it short to the full-back, who made ground along the byeline and his low delivery was superbly taken at the near post by Nduna, who turned a marking defender and lifted a close range effort into the net.

Is Brian there?

Nduna attempts to instruct Moudime in the art of smiling...
1-0.

Almost immediately, Cook flicked a low left-side centre with the outside of his right boot for Briscoe to convert like it was a rehearsed and undefended move. Paul Smith could do nothing. Before goal three flew past him he saw a right-footed Cook lob from inside-left, fly well over the crossbar, following strong Jean Dakouri play, then Briscoe’s header also rise too high, following approach work by Nduna and Cook on the right, before Nduna fed Cook for an 18 yard effort just past the left stick. Finally, after Malcolm was spoken to for a late challenge on Gift Mussa, the ‘keeper managed to grab the ball desperately, when Cook and O’Grady combined to give Moudime a run and cross opportunity, which deflected off a near post defender. Reece Mills scooped a shot too high for Spartak but goal three stemmed from Mussa and Dakouri working hard and creatively, providing Moudime with another right-side run and cross, which was headed back across goal by the leaping salmon of Briscoe, for the lurking Nduna to plunge forth and nod home at the right upright, with Paul Smith chasing to and fro like a chap attempting to stop his garden fence panels falling down in a gale.

Briscoe has converted...

...and it's 2-0...

Moudime leans into the wind...

See no evil, see no evil, see no evil...

Nduna, right, has added a third goal...

The Luntmen had begun the half using a back three of Prinzel, Martin Hutchcox and the talkative Jayden Rickhuss and this allowed Moudime more freedom to get forward on the right, which had proved crucial to securing two of the goals thus far. Mussa and Dakouri were revelling in their midfield roles and their foraging would surely have impressed Bear Grylls on his ‘Mission Survive’ programme in the Central American rainforests. Spartak’s attacks were rare but Paul Smith clutched an attempted, under-hit lob by Briscoe, palmed a Cook shot upwards, following a tackle by Moudime, dived right to knock aside a drive from Nduna and from the second phase of attack, beat out a low shot from the ever dangerous Moudime at his left post. He had also tipped a back-header by a colleague over the goal-frame following a ridiculously long throw by Cook, but all the guests offered was a curling attempt from the right by Semper and a Malcolm header from a free-kick, both of which drifted off target. Ivan Smith had replaced the hurt Spartak skipper, Ryan Froggart but the fourth goal was conceded right on 45 minutes and Dakouri’s persistence was the key.He collected possession at inside-right and began to wrestle forward, then across the penalty-box towards the left, stumbling, striving and staggering past challenges, like the Leeds Rhinos full-back buffeting past careless Wakefield Wildcats tackles and he was eventually able to slip a pass to Nduna, who returned the ball to Dakouri for a measured shot into the bottom right corner of the net, with Paul Smith diving and wondering what the heck was happening in front of him.

Pedro Douglas controls the ball smartly...

Nduna (10) has set up Dakouri for goal 4...

Half-time talking...

Half-time changing...

Patrick Suffo, aged 86, takes a bet to the bookie's shop at half-time...

Jayden Rickhuss will talk to just ANYBODY...

The Luntmen had played some good football on a surface which could not have been described as suitable to the passing game, although their early long-ball game hadn’t brought rewards. Spartak kept at it though and when changes were made by the hosts at the short break, the visitors certainly looked more likely, despite failing to find the target with all but one shot. 

Jayden, right, says: "No, don't go, I want to tell you about my pet parrot's dietary problems..."

Replacement Sean Kavanagh made ground at inside-left at the start of the second period but his angled attempt flew across the face of goal. Malcolm was cautioned by the new referee, with a display of sheer frustration from the official at Malcolm’s ‘chat’. The fifth goal sealed the victory really and once again it was an assist for the joyous Moudime, whose pleasure is usually encapsulated in a mean frown; his fine right-wing centre was rammed hard into the net past a helpless Paul Smith by the ebullient Dakouri. 

Dakouri has added a fifth goal...

Semper received a Douglas pass on the right but drove the ball across the penalty-area and out for a throw on the left, an off-balance Mills lifted a decent opportunity too high at the right post and Malcolm drove wide of the right upright but Paul Smith was relieved to watch Kiam Galdins’ curled left-footer pass by his right post, following a feed by Hosein Khorrami. Tempers became rather frayed for the visitors then, when Kavanagh was freed at inside-right and although he appeared offside, the linesman waved play on but to Paul Smith’s relief, the replacement’s rising 15 yarder clipped the top of his crossbar. Kavanagh went close again, twice, first with a far post header from a Galdins cross from the right but the ball looped over the crossbar as Kavanagh tumbled, then he nearly connected with the ball at the near post, following an exciting run to the right byeline by ‘Freedom’ Moudime.

Interested spectators look the other way...

Mills bombed (First World War hand-grenade…) into Nduna, leaving him prone, then replaced for a second time, but The Luntmen lost out from their own free-kick, for Scott Lindley at left-back, was dispossessed, then missed his tackle on Osama Mohammed, whose final cross-shot was disappointing. The linesman in front of the Spartak coaching staff had flagged for offside a couple of times, which did not please a chap who was standing some distance in front of the play and his anger boiled over into a tirade of abuse. The referee told him to go to the car-park, which was rather unusual for those present to witness and as he passed me, he let out a real mouthful of choice words about the officials, which I reacted to by demanding: ‘So why are you bellowing at me?” 

Where's Brian?

Nduna hammered...

The lively Spartak substitute Steve Weladji (hope that’s right…) drove a fierce effort just past the left angle of bar and post but the last meaningful action in a disappointing second-half was when Cook battled for the ball, after a corner had been cleared by the visitors, then the previously very quiet Wendel Moyo won it and smacked a fine 20 yard shot off the right angle of bar and upright. Khorrami worked hard for the Luntmen but the zip had gone from the offense with the removal of Briscoe and Cook, also the clever, unpredictable O’Grady. Nduna was involved in much of the promising attacking but credit to Moudime for the provision given from the right-flank. Rickhuss proved a calm presence at the back but Prinzel was a strong character in defence, leaving Hutchcox to read situations. However, Mussa and Moudime were splendid in midfield, despite the wholehearted attempts by Malcolm to stem the supply routes. Douglas held the ball up fairly well on occasions but support was minimal, as Spartak were kept at bay with some comfort by The Luntmen. 

The performance appeared to leave the Coventry contingent sanguine (that is cheerfully confident, not the archaic meaning of having a ruddy complexion) but with so many players not present, such as Blake, Kelly and Stokes in attack, Mzugwana, Coleman, Burgess, Vallance and Tennant in defence, plus goalies Morris and Hindmarsh, not to mention the 16 who appeared in this game and skipper Chris Cox, it makes one wonder who will start against Littleton on August 8th…

But forward Brian Ndlovu wasn’t present either, I don’t think, so like in the Monty Python movie, when Brian’s mum became a little irritated with the Wise Men, I can now repeat: “He’s not The Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy…”

SQUADS:

THE LUNTMEN:

Sean Wilson, Pierre Moudime, Jayden Rickhuss, Martin Hutchcox, Rob Prinzel, Gift Mussa, Josh O’Grady, Jean Dakouri, Charlie Cook, Muzzi Nduna, Ross Briscoe, Hosein Khorrami, Wendel Moyo, Sean Kavanagh, Kiam Galdins, Scott Lindley, Rich Morris.  

SPARTAK:

Paul Smith, Osama Mohammed, Casey Roberts, Ryan Froggart, Ivan Smith, Steve Weladji, Chris Hanson, Pedro Douglas, Paul Bonar, Oli Statham, Lamar Simms, Myron Semper, Marcus Malcolm, Dom Reece, Reece Mills.