COVENTRY UNITED 7-0 PAGET RANGERS: light-hearted match report & images by THE MOWDOG...

Godiva’s Naked Saxons Maul Paget’s Feisty Bears…

Coventry United 7-0 Paget Rangers

(Penalty shootout won 3-4 by Paget…)

Henley College: bleak and rutted in the rain...

Speculation about a natural nickname for Coventry United continues, although with ‘The Cage’ being featured on both the programme cover last term and also permanently on the website’s homepage, it seems churlish not to refer to the team as ‘The Cagemen’, as an alternative to United, or Coventry, or the hosts, or the home team, in match coverage. So, the following report will refer to the team as the Naked Saxons, remembering that Lady Godiva appears on the club’s badge. This game was therefore the Bares versus the Bears. Both teams were missing members of squads but the Paget Chairman, Matthew Dainty had expressed a wish to have an image of The Bodging taken wearing a Rangers scarf. This was done. 

The Bodging meets the Paget Chairman Matt Dainty and gets all wrapped up in the new friendship...

Rich Morris, left, is astounded that Joe Connor, in red, has retired in his late 20s.
Rich is twice that age...

The pitch displayed not so much painted lines, but gouged-out trenches filled with whitewash, plus extra ditches from rugby pitch markings and a hole in front of the goal-line at one end. The cursed rain persisted throughout the game, Coventry’s manager needed windscreen wipers on his glasses and I greeted the elderly Patrick Suffo in my best Cameroonian accent. He reckoned he was listening to himself. I can do Frank Spencer too. Brian Ndlovu turned up in non-beachwear, sadly, looking like he was standing in a bus queue, rather than watching a soccer game. Kurt White of Paget was his happy self on the night, until he missed a second-period penalty for his beleaguered team, who suffered from some rather clinical United finishing.

There's so much rain on Edwin's specs that he doesn't know the players have buggered off to the changing rooms...

Brian waits for the number 11 bus...

Oddly, despite a promising start by the hosts, during which Muzzi Nduna, Gift Mussa and Jean Dakouri constantly looked willing to pass the ball on the awkward and by then rather slick surface, Rangers were closer to scoring first when tall forward Daniel Elwell attempted a 35 yard lob, which dropped onto the roof of Tommy Hindmarsh’s net. However, Naked Saxons’ wide-player Josh O’Grady, who caused chaos regularly for the visiting full-backs, cut inside from the right and curled a smart shot towards the far upright; young ‘keeper Dom Cooper-Edwards dived right and did well to claw the ball out but with Jayden Rickhuss hovering and muttering and defenders scurrying like rabbits from car headlights, Mussa drove the loose ball into the net with some aplomb. 1-0 down and Paget were being forced to defend and break, which became increasingly difficult in quite a physical encounter.

O'Grady passes the ball inside...

Gift Mussa looks pleased to have scored; Pierre Moudime looks as miserable as ever...

Dakouri and Mussa reminded me a little of my parents when I was a kid; Dakouri, all frowns and barely contained anger was like my unpredictable dad but Mussa cleared up, fetched and swept, like my mum, who tidied up my toys and things, even though I was often still playing with them. Dakouri exchanged passes with Rickhuss but drove just wide, then shot at the ‘keeper, after Wendel Moyo’s cross and Rickhuss’ strangely angled header had gone astray. Another lively Moyo run saw Nduna unable to reach the left-wing delivery but O’Grady fastened onto the ball on the opposite flank, moved inside again but Cooper-Edwards was alive to the winger’s cute, low, curling shot and did well to turn the ball aside to his right. More Dakouri power led to a decent curling Nduna shot going just wide of the right stick but then a fast attack by the hosts led to Nduna finding himself bearing down on goal at inside-left, yet despite the support of Rickhuss and O’Grady, Nduna’s finish was weak and it dribbled past the near upright.

All eyes, er, not on the ball...

The unshaven Josh O'Grady again proves a menace to an opponent...

Moudime harasses a Ranger who is practising some crazy dance move...

Trouble then flared unnecessarily, when lean, mean Ranger John Flanagan became incensed by a refereeing decision and became petulant, refusing to go to the official and speak. When he did finally approach, still using foul language like: “Oh, do speak properly to yours truly… Gadzooks, man!” (which actually sounded more like: “Talk to me normal. F… me, man.” the referee had trouble in defusing the problem. Hence Flanagan’s subsequent awful, wild challenge on O’Grady, which the largely tolerant official allowed, then Dakouri’s awful, wild challenge on an opponent, which caused mayhem and resulted in a flashing of Dakouri’s eyes and gold tooth, lots of shouting, recriminations from the referee and a free-kick to Paget. Flanagan kept out of it…

Dakouri shuffles towards the referee but someone must have broken wind because both Rangers players have taken protective measures...

Tom Howard’s shot, following a Paget attack involving Billy Fagg, who had ignited the move, was stopped by the outstretched left boot of Jamie Coleman, who was defending alongside the impressive and commanding Callum Burgess. O’Grady caused a total melee in the visitors’ goalmouth with another astute piece of ball-work on the right, then O’Grady’s clever and short free-kick from the right was met by Nduna running towards him, who turned deftly and saw a near post effort blocked well by Cooper-Edwards’ legs but Coleman struck the rebound over the crossbar. The half ended dramatically, for Cooper-Edwards leapt right to catch a measured effort by Rickhuss, before Flanagan, presumably onside, got clear at inside-right, only to be denied by the advancing Hindmarsh with a fine double-save. The second Naked Saxons’ goal arrived right on half-time and stemmed from Nduna’s initial work in midfield, a pass to Mussa, who in turn fed O’Grady on the right. The winger exchanged passes neatly with Rickhuss and clipped a lovely cross from the byeline onto the unmarked Moyo’s head, who couldn’t miss.

Moyo signals his headed goal, whilst once again Pierre Moudime is a picture of joy...

Josh McPherson and Dean Morris had battled manfully for Rangers, the midfielders had been combative and in truth, the two strikers had looked likely whenever in possession. The Naked Saxons had dominated often and used their flanks so well, although the sweeping moves through midfield had been tough for Paget to contain at times, despite their admirable resilience. 

Changes were inevitably made at the break and Leon ‘Ned’ Kelly, on a rare leave of absence from the Old Folks’ Home, replaced Rickhuss in the Naked Saxons attack. He jogged towards goal, fast for Ned, fell over and was penalised but this served only to gird the loins of the experienced striker and O’Grady’s fine run along the right byeline ended with the faintest of near post touches by defender McPherson, as Kelly challenged, so that the ball edged past the helpless Cooper-Edwards.

Rich Morris applauds himself...

Leon Kelly, wearing gardening shoes, has forced an own  goal...

Rich Morris, making his debut in goals for the Naked Saxons soon endeared himself to the small group of wet, umbrella-wielding supporters with a brilliant save, as he reacted like a puma to a fawn on his goal-line to keep out a fine far post volley by Aaron Evans, who surely must have thought he’d scored. The hosts reacted by scoring again from a quickly-taken free-kick by O’Grady on the right to Pierre Moudime, whose feed from the wide place found replacement Kiam Galdins and his unerring left-footer arrowed low into the right corner of the net from 11 yards. 

Galdins, 16, has netted a fourth Coventry goal...

Hosein Khorrami, again lively for the hosts, despite straying offside a few times late on, fed O’Grady, now on the left-flank and the tricky winger’s near post effort was parried by Cooper-Edwards’ strong arms. Soon though, O’Grady had escaped again to the byeline, like a toddler shrugging free of his reins and the short delivery to the near post was expertly rammed and bulleted into the net by the immense presence of Kelly. 

Kelly, hidden, has added a fifth goal...

Kelly headed a Khorrami cross wide, before the referee awarded a penalty to Rangers for a probable consolation goal but White’s spot-kick, hard and low, was turned upwards and over the crossbar by Rich Morris’ legs. Soon Moudime cut inside from the right and struck a left-footed shot off a defender past Cooper-Edwards for the sixth goal, before a right-wing centre was touched on by Cooper-Edwards, under threat from the frame of Kelly. Nduna fed the ball back into the middle, where Kelly was afforded too much time to turn and shoot low into the net from 9 yards. 7-0 and the Rangers still bellowed at each other, fought and frowned a lot, nearly getting a goal late on but Rich Morris pushed aside a good effort from a replacement and Dean Morris nearly headed in a flick-on from the ensuing corner. It wasn’t to be, however and the Bears had been baited by the Bares…

Rich Morris has just saved Kurt White's penalty...

Muzzi Nduna's hair helps when the visibility is poor...

Callum Burgess reacts to a high challenge...

Peacemaker Gift Mussa, aged 12, attempts to calm the older boys down...

The obligatory penalty shootout was won by the guests, 4-3, although all 10 penalties were actually taken; Cooper-Edwards saved well from Moudime and Dakouri drove his against an upright, with Paget’s chipped-miss coming from Connor Gauntlett, I believe.

Josh McPherson: solid defender...

Moudime has scored, although you wouldn't know it from his funeral march back to the middle... 

Ned Kelly has completed the scoring...

Paget’s people are good people and I thank Chairman Matthew Dainty for kindly offering me names of his players, rather than listing: A.N. Other, A Trialist, B. Trialist, etc… It’s what some people do… And how would I know if I was related to any of them?

The elderly chap in the red shorts tries to find a few nub-ends in the bushes for his carer Graham Wood to smoke later outside the pub...

Nkosi has scored his spot-kick in the shootout but Rangers won it 3-4...

SQUADS:

NAKED SAXONS:

Tommy Hindmarsh, Rich Morris, Pierre Moudime, Nkosi Mzugwana, Gift Mussa, Jamie Coleman, Callum Burgess, Josh O’Grady, Jean Dakouri, Jayden Rickhuss, Muzzi Nduna, Wendel Moyo, Hosein Khorrami, Leon Kelly, Scott Lindley, Kiam Galdins.

PAGET BEARS:

Dom Cooper-Edwards, David Arrowsmith, Craig Gasiewski, Dean Morris, Josh McPherson, Tom Howard, Aaron Evans, Craig Evans, Daniel Elwell, John Flanagan, Billy Fagg, Dean Crowley, Mitch Reynolds, Connor Gauntlett, Kurt White.