CANLEY SOCIAL 10-0 COUNDON COURT OLD BOYS: LIGHTHEARTED MATCH REPORT...

Unstoppable Canley Slam Plucky Coundon As the Season Finally Ends 

Canley Social 10-0 Coundon Court OB

Canley completed their very successful season with a drubbing of Coundon, who to be fair battled manfully until fatigue and surely some real depression led to the concession of late goals to add insult to injury. The excellent John Fletcher led the rout with a hat-trick, although his third goal was a gift from the Coundon defence but in truth, the hosts had secured control in midfield early on and with forward Kev Charley, now 57, busying himself with his usual movement and intelligent play, the makeshift visitors found the going too tough. Home skipper Jordan Powell was at the heart of much of Social’s good work and he was well supported by James Chappell and the formidable Dan Rollings. Defenders Sean Woodfield and the brilliantly named Alex James (the veteran Arsenal forward born in September 1901) were rarely troubled by their guests, despite three thrusts by Jimmy Holmes (wearing 4) in the second-half but home ‘keeper Chris Brown (not the singer) made a brace of decent saves from the chunky speedster…

THE SKIPPERS WOULD BOTH BE FACING THE REF TOGETHER AGAIN LATER IN THE MATCH...
NAUGHTY.

Anthony Hatton, his hair not quite as grey as mine, looked neat on the ball for the Old Boys on occasions and skipper Tyreece Campbell was clever in patches but too much possession was claimed by the hosts and their forceful attacking was always going to produce goals on the day. By the end of the encounter, Canley’s defenders formed their attack and their more forward players dropped to defend but interestingly all three of their replacements snagged late goals. The hard but damp pitch wasn’t easy to play on, a breeze and a couple of rain showers caused slight problems but fair play to both teams, they made the afternoon into an entertaining pastime for those not watching Millwall v Bradford City at home on TV…

KEV CHARLEY ADJUSTS HIS LONG JOHNS...

An early poked shot by Powell struck the foot of a Coundon post but just as the rebound looked dangerous, the referee (who was assisted by representatives from the two clubs) whistled for an infringement. The opening goal arrived from a left-side right-boot cross by Canley’s number 3 Craig Alexander, apparently usually a right-flank defender. Powell rose beyond the far upright and headed the ball inside and there was Fletcher to control the ball well and despatch it low into the Coundon net. 

1-0...

GOAL FOR FLETCHER...

WHO'S THAT LURKING IN THE BACKGROUND IN A RED TOP?

Another well executed right-footed left-wing delivery by Alexander was volleyed well by Powell from 20 yards but the effort soared just off target. Chappell’s right-side free-kick was challenged for by the ever so influential Powell but Campbell’s head managed to concede a corner. The flag-kick was flicked on at the near post by Charley, although in challenging for it at the far post Powell took a real thump in the chest from strongly built Coundon left-back Mark Smith, wearing 9. Forceful play by Powell again allowed Fletcher to cut inside from the right but his eventual 23 yard effort rose off target.

TUSSLING...

HEADING...

KEV FINDS A BALL IN THE GARDEN OF THE OLD FOLKS' HOME...

A second goal was imminent however and when Smith (9) lost out for the Old Boys, Fletcher made ground on the right onto a simple Chappell pass and with the visiting defence as open as a snoring old geezer’s mouth, the forward simply passed the ball inside to the lurking 57 year old Charley and he popped the ball up to knee-height before slotting it past the ‘keeper from a few yards out, just inside the right stick.  

"WELL DONE, OLD CHAP..."

CHARLEY HAS SCORED BUT...

...WITHOUT THE USE OF HIS ZIMMER...

Finally, Coundon attacked and Jimmy Holmes (wearing 4) shot against an upright but he had already been flagged offside and then the hosts countered with a fine movement. Charley held the ball up well on the right flank but his exquisite back-heel freed Powell towards the byeline and his fine centre landed on Dan Grimston’s right instep for an 8 yard volley but the left-sided forward couldn’t keep his effort down and it not only cleared the crossbar but it also cleared the crossbeam of the rugby frame directly behind and it flew between the posts too… Grimston and Charley set up Powell for another drive which was superbly blocked by Kevin Doyle (wearing 5 and not resembling the Republic of Ireland forward of the same name…) but when the corner was taken both Coundon players Doyle (5) and Pedley (7) headed the ball nervously upwards and home midfielder Rollings couldn’t believe that his resulting nodded effort went straight into the surprised ‘keeper’s arms. Then a pass from Chappell saw Powell nudge the ball past the defending Mark Pedley (wearing 7) and stretch to bobble a low shot from inside-right past the goalie and into the left corner of the vacant goal for 3-0.

NO GOAL THIS TIME FOR GRIMSTON BUT A FINE DROPPED-GOAL THROUGH THE RUGBY POSTS TO REMEMBER...

THE SKIPPER HAS BOBBLED A GOAL...

POWELL SEEMS PLEASED...

Powell rose to lob a header from an Alexander centre just over the left angle of bar and upright, before firing a low shot wide of the left stick but when a brilliant left-side run by Alexander saw him stopped at the byeline by the goalie’s boots to win a corner, his flag-kick was headed wretchedly and way over the crossbar at the near post by Charley, now approaching his 58th year. I wondered whether to mention this incident and upset the old fella but in reality, it underlined Charley’s slick movement. Powell won possession for his team then fed Grimston and his pass right was shouldered forward by Fletcher but although his angled shot was well blocked on the goal-line by Tom Holmes (wearing 2) for Coundon, Grimston fastened onto the loose ball and shot low into the right corner of the net past the unguarded goaltender.

ALEXANDER: GOOD PERFORMANCE AT LEFT-BACK...

4-0 &...

...GRIMSON CELEBRATES BY CHEWING ONE OF THE 'KEEPER'S FAGS... 

GRIMSON: "THANK THE GODS THAT ONE WENT IN..."

Grimston and Powell combined to set up Fletcher for a shot which rose off target, although an offside flag had risen, somewhat surprisingly and then Fletcher’s first touch let him down when Grimston’s accurate left-side centre dropped at his feet 6 yards out at the far stick. As the half ended, Canley killed Coundon with a cruel fifth goal, set up by Charley, born in 1960 and he freed Fletcher to barge past Heggerty (6) and Doyle (5) to slide the ball past the Coundon gloveman.

5-0...

FLETCHER'S SECOND...

SEEMS PLEASED ENOUGH...

Half-time arrived and I was kindly brought a cup of tea (thanks for that…) but the turnaround was rather quick and Edwin Greaves, the new AFC Binley manager joined me on the touchline. 5-0 was cruising for Social but five more goals would soon beat the frustrated CCOB custodian. Certainly the weakened Canley would offer no respite to their foes but football is football and if players have been dug out to complete a season’s fixtures when they would much rather be choosing plants at a local garden centre with the wife, shopping with the good lady at the Bicester outlet, or even doing the family ironing, one couldn’t blame them for going for more goals… 

ROLLINGS IS SPOKEN TO BUT PROBABLY TAKES NO NOTICE WHATSOEVER...

Before Coundon made a pair of substitutions, the hosts had threatened at both byelines which they were finding to be lucrative sources of offense, although the guests finally looked mildly threatening from a deep Smith (9) free-kick which was awkwardly headed by the unmarked Heggerty (6) and the ball bounced upwards from his lunge and harmlessly across the goalmouth. Jimmy Holmes (4) too finally burned a route to the left byeline but his low and powerful drive skidded across the face of goal, just a couple of feet from the goal-line. However, Canley fashioned the better opportunities, first Smith (9) being left in the wake of Fletcher on the attacking right but his centre struck the thigh of Charley, now of course in his late 50s and bounced back to Fletcher, who committed a foul. Powell then reached the left byeline but Charley subsequently smacked a drive too high from the skipper’s pass, before Smith (9) was beaten by Fletcher, who exchanged passes with Powell to his right, only to lift his shot well over the target. 

AFTER COUNDON'S 6 HAS MISSED A HEADER...

 Another sortie on the right by Fletcher saw his low and dangerous centre just evade both Charley and Chappell but Charley’s anticipation then saw him beat the ‘keeper to the ball at inside-left, veer towards the touchline and then lift a curling shot over the stranded goalie, only for Doyle (5) to head the ball away, although with the linesman some yards behind the play, it will never be known whether the ball had actually crossed the goal-line. Rollings fed his central defender James at a set-piece but James’ shot lacked the power to beat the goalminder, before a huge punted clearance by Powell set Charley running at inside-left but as the ball fell from on high, the elderly chap could only poke a shot straight at the goalkeeper. When Chappell pulled back Campbell by the shirt, there was a little squaring-up of players, after which Powell and Campbell were lectured by the official but there was no other unpleasantness to be seen.

PLAYGROUND ARGUMENT...

SQUABBLING PUPILS...

THE FORM CAPTAINS HAVE TO GO AND SEE THE HEADMASTER...

NO TOSS THIS TIME, JUST A TELLING-OFF AND DETENTION...

The two saves by Brown from the Coundon offensive number 4 came immediately prior to Canley’s sixth goal and the left-sided forward’s first rush at goal maybe saw his final touch being a little heavy from Heggerty’s (6) pass but Brown raced out to make a telling block. The second rush, onto Hatton’s (11) through pass was similar to the number 4’s earlier sprint to the byeline and he did so well to shrug off Woodfield but near the left upright, Brown went down to nick the ball and allow Powell (typically) to clear. This led straight to a counter attack and Fletcher’s third goal of the day. Charley headed on a long pass, a substitute (3) under-hit his attempted back-pass and Fletcher read it, rounded the stranded ‘keeper and walked the ball into the deserted net.

HAT-TRICK FOR FLETCHER...

6-0 NOW...

Naturally, a 7th goal was scored within minutes as the guests began to struggle even more and this time Charley lifted the ball for Chappell to rush onto past Pedley (7) at inside-left and he poked a right-footer past the goalie. At this point Charley was withdrawn to withdraw his pension from the local post office and Grimston took a break too, resulting in run-outs for Lee Marlowe and Connor Dineley for Canley, who soon exchanged pleasantries with Edwin Greaves. Powell drove a fine rising effort just wide of the right post, Marlowe smacked a shot against the outside of the base of the left upright from 15 yards and Rollings fired the rebound to the goalie and one way traffic had thus ensued. Doyle (5) was forced into a last ditch tackle to prevent Marlowe from scoring, following Dineley’s assist, a Rollings delivery from the left dropped past the far upright, new replacement Chris Lampett so nearly converted a low cross from the right by Marlowe but the latter pounced soon afterwards for the 8th Canley goal.

7-0 & GOING TO THE CHAPPELL OF LOVE...

Lampett and a Coundon defender, Pedley (7), contested a left-wing corner, they fell into a heap like they were enjoying a Bank Holiday bouncy castle but the ball fell kindly for Marlowe who rounded Doyle (5) and smacked the loose ball into the net from 7 yards.

8-0: PIGGYBACK TIME...

MARLOWE, WITH FRANCIS DRAKE BEARD, FAMOUS FOR HIS ELIZABETHAN PLAYS, HAS SCORED FOR CANLEY...

Chappell crashed a shot wide from distance, Rollings’ low 18 yarder was smuggled round his right post with difficulty by the Old Boys’ goalkeeper, before Powell again slithered to the left byeline, James’ shot hit the recovering goalie’s upper arm but fell kindly for the hovering, lurking, predatory, loitering, lingering, skulking, sidling, prowling, rapacious, raptorial Lampett, who clamped a low shot into the net from limpet range with his left boot…

LAMPETT'S GOAL EXCITES THE BODGING, WHO LEAPS ONTO A CORNER FLAG, ALTHOUGH HE WAS UNABLE TO BEND IT IN CELEBRATION LIKE THE PROFESSIONALS DO...

His left boot was in action again soon afterwards as the hosts queued up to score again; Dineley won possession from the dithering Coundon defence and poked a pass for Edwards to score surely but he was denied by the presence of the ‘keeper and a defender, only for the ball to roll to the hovering, lurking, etc, etc, etc, Lampett, whose left-footer this time rolled against the ‘keeper’s right shoe, allowing Dineley to rush forth and slap a right footer into the bottom left corner of the net. 

10-0 BUT DINELEY LOOKS LIKE HE'S OFF TO A FUNERAL...

Well, the game ended with relief for Coundon, whose defenders were overwhelmed in the closing stages but no criticism should be levelled at the stopgap Old Boys, for I have been on losing ends of games such as this and there is only so much one can do. They worked so hard to stem the flow with the number 5 prominent… Hatton battled on, Sean McKeown (wearing 15) was busy and vociferous throughout but the ‘keeper was afforded scant protection at times.

EDWIN GREAVES HOVERS CLOSE TO HIS CAR IN THE POSH SEATS AT CANLEY, READY TO SHELTER FROM THE RAIN...

Canley won at a canter, with World War 1 warhorse Kev Charley the pivot in attack and Fletcher the beneficiary of a hat-trick. Powell was influential and outstanding, Chappell and Rollings backed him well enough but fair play to both full-backs, Edwards and Alexander too. The latter, playing on the left-side, showed no awkwardness whatsoever, despite favouring his right boot and really, Coundon simply had no answer to their opponents’ domination, despite those three moments of danger caused by the darting runs of their offensive number 4…

Me? Chatted to Kev Charley about Barwell, Coalville and his retirement home (only joking Kev, as you know…) but it was sad to see the fair-weather Edwin Greaves hurry out of a late rain flurry and hide inside his learner driver vehicle… 

Thought he was made of sterner stuff… 

And Kev Charley rushed off to an old folks’ bingo evening at the local village hall…  

TEAMS: 

(OBVIOUSLY, IF THERE ARE ANY ERRORS BELOW, I APOLOGISE BUT I HAVE USED THE TEAM-SHEETS, WHICH REALLY SHOULD BE CORRECT? WHO KNOWS, THOUGH? PLUS THERE WERE NO NUMBERS ATTRIBUTED TO THE CANLEY PLAYERS…) 

CANLEY SOCIAL:

CHRIS BROWN, JAMIE EDWARDS, CRAIG ALEXANDER, SEAN WOODFIELD, ALEX JAMES, DAN ROLLINGS, JORDAN POWELL (CAPT), JAMES CHAPPELL, KEV CHARLEY, DAN GRIMSTON, JOHN FLETCHER.

SUBS:

CHRIS LAMPETT, LEE MARLOWE, CONNOR DINELEY.

COUNDON COURT OB:

JORDAN KERR, TOM HOLMES, SEAN McKEOWN, JIMMY HOLMES, KEVIN DOYLE, PETE HEGGERTY, MARK PEDLEY, BARTOSZ MOGILAN, MARK SMITH, TYREECE CAMPBELL, ANTHONY HATTON.

SUBS:

GREG KENNY, DAN SMITH, CAMERON PRINGLE.