BARWELL 2-1 RAMSBOTTOM UNITED: light-hearted match report by THE MOWDOG...

Rambunctious Bayunu’s Belligerence Leaves Resilient Rams Rock Bottom 

Barwell 2-1 Ramsbottom United

In Charles Dickens’ novel ‘Nicholas Nickleby’, the Cheeryble brothers were said to have been based on real 19th century Ramsbottom brothers William and Daniel Grant and it was indeed a Victorian outburst of temper by Rammy’s Nia Bayunu, which ultimately cost United a point at Kirkby Road. Home striker Luke Barlone had just been dismissed for an unwise studs-showing tackle on lively and innovative Rams’ replacement Joel Melia, but Bayunu, whose performance had been pivotal in defence for the guests, suddenly lost his temper, like someone had nicked the sim from his iPhone. He bounced a lot like a penned in ram and threw a couple or three punches, then had to be restrained by his goalkeeper and skipper Grant Shenton, who should change his name by deed-poll to Shepherd, after his admirable rustling efforts. Barlone seemed stunned as he left the pitch but Bayunu was still seething. Instead of a man up, Rams were ten on ten and soon, with no Bayunu in the goalmouth to take responsibility, three Rammy defenders and Shenton hesitated, home central defender Declan Towers didn’t and he poked the loose ball into the net to steal the three points for the noisy Canaries. 

Tossing @ Barwell...

Rammy certainly moved the ball with more purpose during the opening period and much credit must go to midfielders Alex Meaney, whose creativity was often slick and also Jake Cliffe, who won possession regularly. Forwards Michael Oates and especially Daniel Wilkins caused some harassment to the home defence which looked uncomfortable, so much so that both Joe Ballinger and Declan Towers were cautioned before the interval. Oates ought to have netted twice for the visitors, as Barwell stuttered through the first-half but the first real opportunity fell to the strangely quiet Jamie Towers, who apparently left broken hearts in Leamington when he joined Barwell some years back… A long ball was missed aerially by Rams’ defender Phil Edghill, who otherwise performed strongly for his team and Towers raced away at inside-right but Shenton saved at Towers’ feet and the ball rebounded for a goal-kick. 

Shenton the Shepherd clears...

Battle of Edghill...

Oates capitalised as the guests caused problems from right-side throws and when presented with a clear opportunity from just 6 yards out, level with the right post, he shot into the side-netting with home ‘keeper Liam Castle’s angry face as purple as his costume with the Barwell defence. Another right-side throw was flicked on at the near post by Bayunu, he latched onto the falling ball at the byeline and again Oates was there, only for Castle’s legs to deflect the striker’s close range effort behind for an unproductive corner. Throws by home right-back Isaac Cooper were also a threat, for they were rather long and from one, on the left, a near post flick-on from an acute angle by Barwell ramrod Barlone was nudged over his crossbar by Shenton’s flailing crook, er, glove.

Meaney with Eeenie, Miney and Mo...

Caution for Ballinger...

Bayunu again nodded a right-side throw into the danger zone for Rammy but the home defence scurried to clear, before the ramifications could become dire. The athletic Wilkins could get no purchase on a shot, following an attack on the Rammy left, before, at the opposite end, the eager and fully committed home midfielder Brady Hickey struck the ball towards the United goal from 35 yards and again Shenton shepherded the effort over his goal-frame. Owen Story, whom I recall causing the Truro City defence some real problems whilst wearing a Brackley shirt some seasons ago, attempted a long shot which Shenton collected easily. Jamie Towers threatened with a weak header, although an offside flag stopped the game but soon, the visitors really might have taken the lead.

Short Story...

Yellow pennant for Declan Towers...

The home defence, through Declan Towers, missed a lobbed ball but Oates was denied at the 18 yard line by the advanced Castle, then Wilkins then looked in with a scoring chance but his effort was blocked by home skipper Eddie Nisevic and the ball fell to David Kuba-Kuba off Nigel Julien's boot, who did well to control the ball, turn and clip a shot beyond Castle but also beyond the left angle of bar and upright. After Ballinger was booked, Jamie Towers broke away from a poor Rammy free-kick, ran 40 yards, fell over and United were on the attack again, whereupon Declan Towers was cautioned too. Barwell managed to get some offense going at last but Jamie Towers’ near post header from a right-flank centre was weak and neither he, nor Story could capitalise. Maybe the ball went out for a corner, but the linesman flagged for a goal-kick and the first period waned, with the Canaries very much locked in their cages.

Ram rustles man...

Strangely though, as often happens to teams which are struggling, right on half-time, Rammy conceded a ramshackle goal. The rambling Barlone did well on the right side and shoved a low pass into the penalty-box, which bounced onto Story’s right boot and the volley, although not powerful, fleeced the Rammy defence and bounced past Shenton’s left hoof. 1-0 down at the break was a bum rap and rather harsh on Ramsbottom. Barwell simply had to be better, their guests simply needed to keep at it and not bleat about ill luck. The spectators flocked to buy their Barwellburgers, hopefully not lamb-filled but sadly not served in a ramekin, the air became colder, the wind chilling and I wondered whether Ramsbottom was so called because it was a ‘valley of the ram’, or something to do with ‘hramsa’, wild garlic. Well, it’s what you think about on a cold Leicestershire day… 

Storybook finish...

1-0 Canaries...

After the break, Oates was so simply close to equalising, as he rammed a close-range effort at goal, for which Castle dropped right to turn past his post. He tipped the ensuing corner over the cross-beam too. Visiting winger Kade Coppin would become a factor during this period, for he, like Barwell’s Alex Tomkinson was the dead-ball delivery man for his team. A long Cooper throw from the Barwell right ended up with a snap shot by Hickey from 19 yards, which Shenton dived right for and pushed aside well. Kuba-Kuba was replaced by the Rams’ Melia, a name which conjured up in my mind Jimmy, ex Liverpool and Aldershot, who netted twice in one of the best matches I ever witnessed. It was 1970 and an FA Cup replay at The Rec’ between the Division 4 Shots and the top of Division 2 Huddersfield Town, for whom Frank Worthington netted the opener. Player-manager Jimmy Melia was brilliant, netted twice and Shots won 3-1.

Wilkins: lively... 

Story did well to keep the ball in at the left touchline, Tomkinson was also involved but Hickey’s drive flew wide, then when Jamie Towers was, not for the first time, flagged offside, Tomkinson swung the ball into the Rammy net, earning himself a pointless caution. Barlone then freed Jamie Towers again, onside this time but Shenton raced to the edge of his penalty-box and won the boot-battle, saving the day for United. Ant Carney and Aaron Daniels (the ex-Halesowen forward, who might have furthered Bromsgrove Sporting’s cause in the FA Vase at Thurnby Nirvana last season, had he not asked Halesowen to allow him to train with them just a few days before the tie, angering the Rouslers’ manager Paul ‘Smudge-Dog’ Smith so much that Daniels was left out of the team, which lost narrowly…) replaced Story and Jamie Towers for the hosts. The inconsistent but ever willing home midfielder Nigel Julien ran onto a short corner but wasted his delivery behind the goal-frame, before the game changed…

Atmospheric...

Ramsbottom began an attack and smart control by Coppin, deep at inside-right, saw him ram a Messi-esque pass for Melia, beyond Cooper on the United left; Melia beat Cooper to the inside and fired a decent 18 yard shot past Castle, which nestled low in the Barwell pen, er, net. Richard Lavery, all scowl and experience, replaced Tomkinson for the hosts, who were now looking a little edgy, as the guests, with Melia confident in possession on the left and Coppin poorly covered on the opposite flank, began to threaten more.

Melia: 1-1...

...Rammy deservedly level...

Edghill’s lobbed header caught Castle off his goal-line rampart from Coppin’s right-side free-kick but the ball landed on the roof of the net, then a superb first touch deep and at inside-right by Coppin led to a long and rampaging run and a 19 yard drive, which flew low past the right upright, as Castle dived in vain. And then the game, which had stuttered on with little real venom in truth, exploded like a rancher had appeared with his shearing shears. Barlone’s unfortunate and totally inexplicable challenge on the fleet Melia started it, the referee red-carded him but then, instead of smiling at his team’s good fortune, Bayuna, ram-like, saw red and with horns a-flailing, hooves a-thrashing, caused a flock to assemble. Canaries pecked with beaks, Rams shook horns but the good shepherd Shenton, the drover, finally contained his central defender and eventually persuaded him to leave the field. 

Melia down...

Angry flockers...

Exile for Bayunu...

Barlone wants to be left Alone...

But Bayunu still won't leave the flock...

Barlone has shrugged off his handler...

Shenton finally gets Bayunu to calm down a trifle...

An angry walk...

Barlone had been rather hacked at and really did seem shocked as he left the meadow, shorn of pride and rather sheepish in expression. Bayunu, in fairness, exited with no further aggression, despite the fact that one home fan bellowed that he should cool down in the shower, adding, “…asshole…”

Naturally, the hosts regained the lead and naturally the goal stemmed from a long Cooper throw, right touchline; the ball was knocked out by Lavery's head to Hickey and his head forward dropped on the 6 yard line, where three defenders looked at it, like a dog’s turd on the lounge carpet, but then, sheep-like, left it, as Shenton fell to grasp it but somehow the ball squirmed away like it was covered in sheep-dip for Declan Towers to prod into the empty net at the left stick.

2-1: joy for Barwell...

Declan Towered over the defence to, er, poke in a low shot... 

3 points...

With Rammy deflated, Daniels broke at inside-right, unselfishly fed Carney to his left, who beat the last defender, could have returned the ball for Daniels to score but instead tried to round Shenton and thus fell over, hoping for a spot-kick but not getting one. Carney was cautioned for continuing to moan and it only remained for Daniels to kick the ball across the Rammy goalmouth, for Melia to display more fine skills on the United left, for Wilkins to fall down hurt and for his replacement Prince Hayward to place a last-gasp cross into the side-netting.

Unhappy, Carney demands a spot-kick...

The game over, Ramsbottom would surely take little comfort for their bright showing, for the lustre was completely taken from it by Bayunu’s actions. Barwell had struggled to three points but maybe a draw would have been a reasonable result by the finish. I went home to train for the 2016 World Black Pudding Throwing Championships in Ramsbottom, whereby one gets three throws of a black pudding to dislodge a stack of Yorkshire puddings on plinths at the Oaks pub. This appears to be my ambition for the year. Sad…

Well done to Melia and Meaney, surely a great title for a new detective series on TV and I was impressed by the general efforts of Canary Hickey, although home skipper Eddie Nisevic was always strong when needed.

Back in Solihull it was scampi for dinner, not mutton, pleasingly and I really felt that I must visit Ramsbottom soon, if only to highlight and support their recent flood-plight.

TEAMS:

BARWELL:

Liam Castle, Isaac Cooper, Eddie Nisevic (Capt), Declan Towers, Joe Ballinger, Brady Hickey, Alex Tomkinson, Nigel Julien, Jamie Towers, Owen Story, Luke Barlone.

SUBS:

Ant Carney, Rich Lavery, Aaron Daniels, Scott Lower, Liam Kay.

RAMSBOTTOM UNITED:

Grant Shenton (Capt), Robbie Bromley, Luke Heron, Phil Edghill, Nia Bayunu, Alex Meaney, David Kuba-Kuba, Jake Cliffe, Michael Oates, Daniel Wilkins, Kade Coppin.

SUBS:

Prince Haywood, Cameron Dudley, John Pritchard, Joel Melia, Dennon Ashcroft.