ATHERSTONE TOWN 13-1 UTTOXETER TOWN: FULL REPORT & IMAGES...

13? UNLUCKY FOR UTTOXETER…

Atherstone Town 13-1 Uttoxeter Town…

Thirteen goals, three hat-tricks, a number of other opportunities missed and finishing the game almost at walking pace… It does appear that the Adders won at a slither but in truth, they trailed to a neat Ollie Ritchie goal for Uttoxeter, who was also denied twice by home ‘keeper George Woodward before the Snakes had shed their wintry skins. When they did, they needed three goals in three minutes and then lashed in three more before the break. Visiting goalie Mikey Allen must have wished he was Christmas shopping with the family instead of scrabbling in the Sheepy Road mire, attempting to stem the flow of shots as his defenders dithered and erred in front of him. Early second period goals hampered any notion of damage limitation by the guests, or indeed any response from a real dressing down in the dressing-room during the interval. In all honesty, all Uttoxeter hopes had disappeared by the 50th minute.

TOSSING...

UTTOXETER AT 0-0...

Three home players, Luke Shorthouse, Alan Miller and Ryan Quinn netted a trio each and might have scored more, whereas the influential Danny Harris nabbed a brace and midfielders Mark Williams and Kyle Baxter supplied the remaining two. I looked several times at the visiting dugout in the second-half and apart from embarrassment, there appeared to be an air of sheer disbelief, as chance after chance threatened Allen’s goal. The one surprise of the afternoon was that the excellent Mitch Thomson failed to score a goal. He was quick, moved past defenders like they were doing impressions of training cones but when it came to shooting, that particular Adder’s venom was lacking…

SHORTHOUSE: FINE ALL-ROUND DISPLAY...

THOMSON: EARLY MISS...

SHORTHOUSE ER, TALLHOUSE...

The visitors made a few good breaks during the second period and at times it seemed that forwards Ritchie, Jake Avery and skipper James Curley were not connected to their colleagues at all, although in fairness, the lean, tall midfielder Joel Dyche never stopped trying to right the wrongs of other Uttoxeter players. And yet, after a sharp Adder opening during which Shorthouse slipped Thomson clear at inside-right, only for the wingback to fire a low shot wide of the far upright past the advancing goalie, Thomson’s next run on the left ended with a too long centre. Baxter fouled Dyche and a short period of Uttoxeter danger came about, mainly involving Ritchie. A sliced clearance from Avery’s left-side centre by Adam Bilic allowed a half-volley by Ritchie from 12 yards which Woodward did well to tip over his crossbar and although Ryan Metcalfe’s near post header from Ritchie’s corner drifted well wide, soon a superb flick (I think by Curley) sent Ritchie running clear and his really smart chip beat the advancing Woodward beautifully.

GOAL FOR RITCHIE...

Stung into action, Shorthouse’s snatched shot flew disappointingly wide of the right stick for the hosts, before the first real muddle in the Uttox’ defence allowed Miller’s work to provide Harris with a chance to shoot and his 15 yarder was well stopped, falling right by Allen before he dived on it like it was an escaping pigeon. And then Ritchie plagued the home defence again which was taking some time to settle and thus when Curley’s header across the goalmouth was clubbed low by Ritchie towards the left upright, only a desperate lunge of Woodward’s right boot kept the ball out of his net. However, it only needed Shorthouse’s second miss of the day to herald a glorious few minutes for the hosts. The tall forward was fed by a threaded and good pass by defender Bilic but after his initial low shot was blocked by the thrusting Jack Holley (a fine name for the time of year), Shorthouse right-footed the rebound high over the target to groans from his favoured left boot. Shorthouse the provider ran right and free, beat the racing Allen to the ball at the right corner of the penalty-box, before delivering a low centre which bounced off Dyche, unfortunately for Uttox and there was the hovering home skipper Baxter to trundle the ball inside the left upright at full stretch.  

MUSSOLINI REF?

ALLEN: NOT BEATEN YET...

THE REF IS LAUGHING... HAS HE BROKEN WIND?

THE COMEBACK BEGINS...

Moments passed and it was 2-1 to the hosts. Shorthouse, again the provider, saw his pass deflected by George Woodruffe, the Uttox left-back, straight to Miller and his low shot struck the falling Allen and bounced over the covering and also falling central defender Jamie Brown. The Adders’ forked tongues were apparently mesmerising the visiting defenders into errors and misfortune. The third goal simply underlined how fortune, whatever that is, can affect a team in sports. The ball was knocked about between Shorthouse, Miller and Thomson and ended up at the feet of Harris at inside-left, who aimed his right-footed cross at the heads of Shorthouse and Baxter, who both missed it and the ball bounced abjectly past the surprised and rooted Allen into the right corner of the net.

ALLEN: A LITTLE EXPOSED NOW...

A neat one-two between Thomson and the ever so involved Shorthouse saw Thomson’s shot fly too high, a sliced clearance by the harassed Uttox right-back Harry Price was gratefully grabbed by Allen and Thomson headed Harris’ cross from the right off target, before goal four beat Allen. Miller fed Quinn on the right, his cross fell to Shorthouse and he turned smartly to ram a low left-footer into the right corner of the net from 12 yards. 

Allen’s poor clearing kick should really have been punished by the Adders but both Harris and Miller procrastinated and subsequently Quinn sliced his left-footer well wide of the target. Curley, starved of service, as his midfielders were being overrun by Adders, did shoot low at Woodward but the hosts trashed their guests with two more goals before the interval. First Miller exchanged passes with Harris and found himself facing the full force of the charging Allen but when things are going against you, they really do go against you and thus Miller’s touch nutmegged the Uttox ‘keeper, allowing Miller to jog on and thump the ball into a totally vacant net.

5-1 became 6-1 when Shorthouse (what, again?) fed a pass to Baxter, whose feed to Quinn on the right side of the 18 yard box led to a rasping rising drive under the near angle of bar and upright, past the despairing and muddied Allen. Oh dear… Half-time arrived and the cheerful Atherstone fans strolled to the opposite end in order to watch more goals go in. Neither they, nor any of us present, thought that SEVEN more goals would be shipped by Uttoxeter…

The opening half had seen the Adders begin tentatively then completely dominate their visitors with some smart interplay on the heavy pitch. Miller, Baxter and especially Harris had moved the ball about too quickly for their opponents and Thomson had run at will on the left flank. Quinn had provided right-side width but Shorthouse had somehow found the freedom to be the fulcrum of the attack and he would cause so much more damage after the break. Uttox? Well, Ritchie had proved to be lively and dangerous, Curley had worked hard but Avery, the left-sider would certainly provide more threat on the right after half-time. Dyche had been industrious but in all seriousness, the Uttox were ailing…

NICE SKY...

DESPERATE BENCH...

WHAT CAN YOU SAY?

Scott Goodby replaced Bilic at the interval for Atherstone and immediately Thomson seared along the left flank, picked out the supporting Shorthouse (him again?) and the striker fired a rising first-timer from 16 yards into the net off the underside of the shaking crossbar… Damage not limited then…

So Thomson repeated his trick and set off on another rapid, seemingly unstoppable left-side rush from Woodward’s quick throw and surely this time he would beat the goalie? No; Allen managed to block his low shot but with the visiting defence in total disarray like a cat had just entered an aviary of budgies, Quinn was alert enough to shoot the rebound low into the net. Shorthouse and Miller were then involved together to offer Thomson his goal at last and the left wingback bore down on Allen, beat him but, er, shot past the left upright… 

After Curley failed to win a corner for Uttoxeter, Adders’ Williams then passed to Miller, who fed Quinn on the right and with the Uttox defenders a-reelin’ and a-rockin’, the ball fell for Shorthouse to rattle a low shot beneath the beleaguered Allen to complete his trio and it was cruelly 9-1.

Solid home right-back Darren Eggleton, like Highgate’s Josh Hawker, a lookalike of Magwitch from ‘Great Expectations’, suddenly appeared from behind a spooky gravestone to save his team from conceding a second goal. His tackle on Curley was brilliantly timed. He then took a rest and was replaced by Ash Gray (ash grey? Really?) but Quinn then might have notched his hat-trick goal after winning possession and hunting prey but after beating Allen’s desperate lunge, somehow defender Price’s interception took the ball wide for a corner.

WOW...

HAINES PRAYS FOR THOMSON TO GET A GOAL...

Curley then fouled Baxter but managed to sink a boot into the home skipper’s prostrate torso, a short resurgence by the visitors saw Curley feed Lewis Rand on the left and Ritchie half-volley the ensuing delivery way too high from the right side of the penalty-area, before Woodward caught a near post cross from Avery but took the ball over his byeline to concede a corner. The Adders though soon punished their guests for such cheek and rammed in two more quick goals. Baxter made way for Jonathan Gould for the hosts and soon Williams made ground centrally but although urged to shoot by the Adders’ fans, drooling at the fangs, wanting more goals, the midfielder simply stroked the ball right to Quinn, who in turn slipped the ball to Thomson (he still hadn’t scored, you know…) and his cross was headed in at the near post by Williams, who hadn’t needed to shoot from distance after all… Williams’ leaning header had looped up over the flailing arms of the remarkably unfortunate Allen and into the top right corner of the net.

Quinn’s fine run ended with a shot off target, Shorthouse’s work led to Williams feeding Miller and with the Uttox defence needing, er, detox, Miller almost apologetically trundled into goal 11 from 10 yards, before both Quinn and Shorthouse had low shots blocked and in a penalty-box which housed defenders resembling falling skittles at the end of a tenpin bowling lane, Quinn beat a defender and then Allen, who nearly snagged the low shot, to snaffle his hat-trick after all. 

WE LIKES THIS...

A break by Uttox saw Ritchie and Curley combine but Metcalfe skied his shot, fine play by the Adders saw Quinn drive just wide, Miller set up Shorthouse but he was denied by Allen who dived at his feet, then following a fast right-side run by Avery, a low Curley shot was smartly stopped by Woodward, before Dyche drove a long shot too high for the plucky visitors. A Ritchie free-kick was headed too high by the well placed Curley which highlighted a lapse in the home defence but their attack excelled itself again when Harris, so effective throughout with his astute passing, played a one-two with Miller and almost scooped the ball past Allen, like he was scooping freshly ground flour into a sack. Millers once did that…

A long run by the nippy Gould so nearly brought a great individual goal, then just before Miller drove off target, Thomson got in again, from his now more central midfield role but his low shot was deflected wide, at which point he probably gave up trying to score… It remained only for Curley to shoot straight at Woodward and the smiling assassin of a referee brought the debacle to a close for the distraught Uttoxmen. 

CURLEY: THE LOSING SKIPPER...

The game ended almost at walking pace for the hosts but what was striking was that on so many occasions attacks brought goals which on another day would have been blocked, or saved. This was terrible day for the guests and it was interesting that not one replacement was used by the visiting manager…

ALL OVER...

YELLOW SHIRTS? ALL GONE...

The Adders? League leaders Leicester Road and high-flyers Walsall Wood will look at this result and be watchful, very watchful of the Adders in the grass…

Me? 14 goals… Not bad really…

Mitch Thomson? He didn’t score.