PERSHORE TOWN 0-5 RACING CLUB WARWICK: FULL REPORT & IMAGES...

Persians Run Down By Rampant Racers

Pershore Town 0-5 Racing Club Warwick

Rain was forecast for the early afternoon at the King George V stadium but that didn’t materialise. Nor did any real offense from the hosts and in truth they were well beaten by the Racers whose bench included first-team regulars Marc Passey, Josh Cole, Ryan Billington, Luke Church and Josh O’Grady. The game was very much directed by RCW skipper Alex Price who marauded through the game like a gunslinger at the O.K. Corral in Texas. His goal from a cleverly worked free-kick with Martin Slevin, who seemed in festive, not belligerent mood, was a fine strike and totally deserved. Rich Powell grew into the match for the guests and netted the final two goals, with Slevin having opened the scoring and Henry Leaver bagging goal three.

THE REFEREE EVEN HAS HIS EYES CLOSED DURING THE TOSS...

It was a surprise that Luke ‘Miner’ Cole wasn’t on the scoresheet because his all-round toil deserved some reward other than feeling the shadow, the solidity and the shackles of home skipper Shaun Griffiths against his torso all afternoon. Without Griffiths’ mountainous effort, the scoreline might have been even more demeaning for Town. Steve Webb too was a stalwart for the Persians, making several saving tackles as Warwick’s probing attacks threatened regularly. In attack, Persians Alfie Bloomer and the committed Oli Manoochehri fed on scraps and indeed, visiting gloveman Tom Cross was rarely even troubled, although replacement O’Grady tested him late on with a back-pass… Ah, Tricky O’Grady, he of the swivelling hips, the harsh haircut and fresh from his yacht on the River Thames… He made a cameo appearance, even heading the ball once, a rare occurrence in his footballing career. He wiped the mucky marks from his forehead and vowed never to do anything so foolish again…

MANOOCHEHRI & HUTCHCOX: NO CLOSE MARKING HERE THEN...

Martin Hutchcox, who would consider his performance worthy of being chosen as ‘man-of-the-match’ was rarely under pressure in fairness and Jamie Coleman alongside him even gave the ball away a few times, possibly as a festive gesture to the struggling Persians. Terrance Morton worked hard for the home team in midfield but heavy pressure was put on his defence throughout, which had begun with manager Quentin Townsend alongside ‘Rhino’ Griffiths. The Racers’ midfield troop was so dominant that Town were regularly shoved back and made to chase, as Price, his face as stern as one of my schoolteachers, the evil ‘Slasher’ Lazenbury, bullied, berated and gorged gaps which were exploited by Leaver, Powell and the industrious Slevin, allowing both full-backs Jack Taylor and Lewis Hudson to support from wide positions.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING REF?"

"IS THERE SOMETHING IN MY HAIR, LEWIS?"
"NAH, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT ALFIE, JUST A PARTING..."

The game began in tetchy mood, actually, as if Christmas night’s drinking hangover was still hovering over some players. After a falling shot by home defender Dan Getliff had drifted well off target, competitive left-back Aaron Xavier cannoned into Lewis Hudson but the rather abject referee proffered only a warning, then after Slevin had teed up ‘Gunner’ Price for a 25 yard drive, which home goalie Toby Wilcox tipped over his goal-frame, Bloomer and Slevin (who? Slevin? Really?) were involved in a spat which was like carrion for a crow as far as Manoochehri was concerned and the still rather abject official had to do some calming…

LOOKS LIKE A BOOKABLE OFFENCE BY LUKE COLE BUT HE HAS JUST BEEN SCYTHED DOWN BY STEVE WEBB & IS RUBBING HIS HAIR IN FRIENDLY ACCEPTANCE OF THE PAIN...

"PUT THAT FINGER UP MY NOSE REF & I SWEAR I'LL GIVE YOU A KICKIN'..."

Leaver was denied at inside-right by Griffiths’ challenge in front of Wilcox, following a smart Taylor pass, a Gunner Price free-kick rebounded off Getliff for an unproductive corner, before the referee then blotted his copybook totally, following a late and scything tackle by Webb on the victimised Cole. Steve Webb is one of the most loyal players I have met in non-league football and even he must have been expecting a yellow card but one wasn’t shown. Cole actually ruffled Webb’s hair instead of retaliating, a moment I was impressed by. Gunner Price by this point was spitting bullets by what he felt was the official’s incompetence… Then moments later, Xavier was cautioned for an innocuous trip on, er, Cole again and was booked, possibly with the earlier foul in the referee’s mind… Slevin attempted a spectacular shot from 27 yards which drifted probably 27 yards off target and Townsend, who had earlier demonstrated his gymnastic prowess with a twisting double Salchow, after clearing the ball off balance, replaced himself with Cam Mathewson.

ALEX GUNNER PRICE: A REMARKABLE LIKENESS TO STALYBRIDGE CELTIC MANAGER STEVE BURR'S SON, ROSS IN THIS IMAGE...

"IT'S OK REF, HE'S ON THE SAME WEBB-PAGE AS ME..."

XAVIER: FIRST TO BE CAUTIONED...

OLI HAS KICKED THE BALL AWAY & COLER DIRECTS HIM TOWARDS THE OFFICIAL...
OLI ISN'T HAPPY.

QUENTIN INTERCEDES ON HIS PLAYER'S BEHALF...
UNSUCCESSFULLY...

Michael Ellis, who had really worked hard against Heath Hayes a few days previously, having played at right-back and faced a really tricky winger, was in midfield at Pershore and he was constructively destructive; yet his first trip on an opponent was rewarded with a yellow card, again highlighting the annoying inconsistency of officials. However, in writing that, I wouldn’t do the job… A goal was deserved for RCW’s approach with neat passing and it came from a smart right-flank move. A fine surge by Gunner Price ended with an astute pass inside Xavier for Powell on the right and although the bearded fellow saw his first cross blocked, the ball broke fortunately for him to get to the byeline from whence he delivered a centre which was nudged on by Griffiths then struck Cole and bounced invitingly for Sniffer Slevin, whose emphatic 8 yarder flashed past the helpless Wilcox. 

ELLIS IS CAUTIONED & IT IS OBVIOUS HOW IRRITATED THE RACERS ARE...

0-1...

SLEVIN, LEFT, HAS OPENED THE SCORING...

...& SMILES AT HIS ADORING FANS.
THEY'RE FRIGHTENED OF HIM, REALLY...

A recovery of sorts by the Persians saw a free-kick by Webb nodded wide of the left upright by the leaping Griffiths and then a poor clearance by Cross fell at the feet of Bloomer 24 yards out but he shot wide of the goal-frame and responded by hiding his head inside his shirt. Webb then stopped a right-flank centre and then denied Leaver a chance at goal, before a left-side corner by Gunner Price was glanced smartly at goal by the leaning contender for ‘man-of-the-match’ (in his own mind of course) Hutchcox but Wilcox made a reaction save to keep the ball out. A late scurry of offense by the visitors saw Griffiths do really well to clear twice, before the ball flew out to Gunner Price but his wild shot sliced away like the barrel of his Winchester had exploded…

Leaver shot at Wilcox from 25 yards and the opening period ended with the guests a mere goal ahead but a long way ahead on performance. The noisy Racer fans went off to lubricate their necks, clouds became thicker and Town replaced the busy Chris Bright with James Turk. Subsequently though, Warwick dominated the second period, although Gunner Price was cautioned soon after the restart. His next left-wing flag-kick found the head of MOM Hutchcox again but the Spurs fan nodded well wide this time, yet it was his rather off-putting preparation for that corner which was rather bizarre, even by his standards. He was seen to skip leisurely into the penalty-box, which suggests that when he retires from football, a career in Morris Dancing awaits him. He’ll be ‘Morrisman-of-the-Match’ in every performance too, of course…

2ND HALF...

TOM CROSS: LARGELY REDUNDANT...

The battered but still willing Luke Cole made way for Josh Cole and RCW soon scored the second goal they deserved. A short free-kick routine just left of the penalty-box between the smiling assassin Slevin and his skipper did the damage, whereby Slevin slipped the ball for Gunner Price to cut inside and he fired a true bullet this time high into the left side of the net with Wilcox clawing December air.

0-2...

...& PRICE IS ABOUT TO DEMONSTRATE HOW HE SCORED USING MICHAEL ELLIS' BUTTOCKS...

Josh Cole’s right-side centre only just evaded the sliding workhorse Ellis, who then shot too high after a rush, then Tricky O’Grady revealed his 14 shirt and the skipper trudged off to huge applause from the Warwick fans. Gunner Price had been quite the force for his crew and to accommodate O’Grady, Leaver dropped into his skipper’s role. O’Grady rapped a fine 24 yard drive into the side-netting although Wilcox might even have touched the effort with a glove, then RCW raced into a 0-3 lead. Powell squared a pass towards Leaver, 22 yards from goal and the midfielder’s low right-booter entered the net low into the left corner and the Persians were thus defeated.

A VISCIOUS HAIRCUT APPEARS FROM A DUGOUT...

"THE NAME'S TRICKY, TRICKY O'GRADY; LAST KNOWN ADDRESS?
A YACHT ON THE THAMES..."

GUNNER PRICE LEAVES THE ACTION...

0-3: HENRY LEAVER HAS SCORED...

Coleman took a break for the introduction of Passey, James Walker joined Harry Walker on the pitch for Town, replacing Morton and on a rare attack, Manoochehri’s free-kick was kindly sliced upwards and backwards by the crafty Slevin just to see how aware Cross was. The ‘keeper soon became aware of Griffiths’ presence too though, as the Persian skipper barged into him. A free-kick thus signalled the end of Town’s offensive offerings for the day, bar a low Webb shot straight to Cross and the visitors rubbed in the victory with two more goals, both netted by Rich Powell who looks more and more like the famous Viking Sweyn Forkbeard…

Just prior to Powell’s first strike, O’Grady headed the ball forwards. I simply had to place both camera and dictaphone onto the bench behind me in shock, for such an event is as rare as an eclipse of the moon. However, a Mathewson back-pass was pounced upon at inside-right by the sword-wielding Forkbeard and although his initial shot was well blocked by the advancing Wilcox, pushing the Viking wider, the bearded one netted calmly from an acute angle.

0-4: GOAL FOR SWEYN FORKBEARD...

O’Grady fed Forkbeard for a rising shot too high, then it was O’Grady’s turn to test whether Cross was still keeping goal or had slipped away to enjoy a shower whilst the water was still hot. Tricky’s low back-pass from 25 yards towards Cross’ left stick took an age to get there but the goalie was at his right post and both Racers looked relieved when the ball bobbled past the upright. Then after Webb had finally received his due caution, the guests nabbed goal five in smart fashion. Hudson, whose sorties from left-back were never managed by Pershore, shoved a low pass towards the 18 yard line and Ellis’ sublime flick released Forkbeard into the penalty-area, from whence he drove his low shot into the right corner of the net, as if guiding his longboat through a narrow bend in the River Avon… Forkbeard, in true Viking fashion had thus pillaged the Persians… 

0-5: FORKBEARD HAS INVADED PERSHORE'S PRIVACY AGAIN...

All round, the Racers had been the more dominant team, despite resolute efforts in particular by Xavier, Bright, Griffiths, Getliff and Morton, as well as the unfortunate Wilcox. So many of the Racers contributed well in the outfield, in truth, from Taylor through to Powell but (whisper this, in case Hutchcox hears…) Gunner Price was exemplary. Long throws, corners, free-kicks, forceful runs, a fine fiery expression and a superb goal… Well done to him, although all players in those dark red uniforms combined to make the victory a real team effort…

"WE COME IN PEACE FROM COLDER PLACES.
LET US SHAKE HANDS & AGREE THAT WE NOW RULE YOUR LAND.
WE'LL KILL YOU OTHERWISE..."

The manager? Ah, at one point Scott Easterlow broke into some fine yodelling, reminiscent of Frank Ifield’s ‘I Remember You’, although one elderly chap reckoned Scott’s voice was a dead ringer for Slim Whitman… Hmm, before my time… Let’s go for Frankie Valli for after all, Scott, ‘Silence Is Golden’… 

THE VOICE...

Ask your quiet fans…      

TEAMS:

PERSHORE TOWN:

TOBY WILCOX, CHRIS BRIGHT, AARON XAVIER, QUENTIN TOWNSEND, SHAUN GRIFFITHS (CAPT), DAN GETLIFF, STEVE WEBB, HARRY WALKER, ALFIE BLOOMER, OLI MANOOCHEHRI, TERRANCE MORTON.

SUBS:

JAMES WALKER, CAM MATHEWSON, JAMES TURK.

RACING CLUB WARWICK:

TOM CROSS, JACK TAYLOR, LEWIS HUDSON, MARTIN HUTCHCOX, JAMIE COLEMAN, ALEX PRICE (CAPT), MARTIN SLEVIN, HENRY LEAVER, LUKE COLE, MICHAEL ELLIS, RICH POWELL. 

SUBS:

MARC PASSEY, JOSH O’GRADY, JOSH COLE, RYAN BILLINGTON, LUKE CHURCH.