SOUTHAM UNITED 0-4 COVENTRY UNITED: light-hearted report by THE MOWDOG...

Southam Surface Fails To Defeat Callous Cagemen

Southam United 0-4 Coventry United

Coventry dominated the first-half of this match, which at times was like watching a kickabout on a soft, sandy beach, for the ball rarely ran true, too often bobbled and with the soft earth hidden beneath long grass, both teams found passing, controlling and running with the ball rather difficult. Southam used long, lifted passes more regularly, with strikers Adam Miles and Max Beard always willing to chase them, for the accuracy of those deliveries was superior to attempting to pass the ball along the undulating, uneven pitch. It was good that a game went ahead however and an early goal by the visiting skipper Chris Cox, added to by Josh O’Grady’s smart free-kick, placed the guests in an enviable two-goal interval lead. The second period was ugly, in truth, with the conditions controlling much of the fare and only a couple of late Coventry strikes giving the scoreline a more realistic look. A couple of shots during the game illustrated the effect of such an untidy surface, for Muzi Nduna’s first-half strike for the visitors and then Jack’s Sidgwick’s later effort for the hosts were both results of the ball hopping before boots connected, forcing home goalie Matt Archer to tip Nduna’s effort away and forcing Sidgwick's looped effort to bounce upon the Coventry crossbar. The Cagemen were certainly worthy winners but Southam looked stronger after the break and would surely be mortified to concede two late goals…  

EVEN THE TOSS TOOK AGES, AS THE REF TOLD STORIES OF HIS EXPERIENCES ON THE SOMME...

Rob Prinzel, performing in central defence for Coventry and looking dominant throughout the game, cleared an early Southam cross but Saint Luke Wilson’s subsequent 28 yard drive was sliced well off target. Neat football, somehow, by Coventry saw Cox feed Nduna on the left and his slick pass for the rushing Ben Vallance released the left-back into the penalty-box, only for his 16 yard drive to rise over the goal-frame. Nduna almost fed striker Matt Brown, who was then denied when a Vallance centre was deflected over him by a Southam defender’s head. Southam merely managed a free-kick from the left but when all the jumpers missed the ball, Sidgwick conspired to totally miscue it at the right post. The first real strike at goal came from a surprised O’Grady, who benefited from the awful surface and Archer’s errant kick from it but after side-stepping the ‘keeper, O’Grady’s effort at goal from 18 yards, as a couple of defenders raced back, bounced off the crossbar.

"LOOK MUZI, A BUZZARD..."
"I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE..."

TENACIOUS TUNDE APPEALS HIS INNOCENCE...

Coventry’s opening goal stemmed from the left flank, where Rich Blythe, Vallance and Nduna were all involved, before Nduna’s flick was headed onto home defender George Edgington’s forehead by Cox for Nduna in turn to nod on into Cox’s path inside the penalty-box and his low strike rolled just inside the right upright to ease Coventry’s concerns.

0-1 NOW...

...& WILD CELEBRATIONS FROM COX & PRINZEL...

Home left-back Lee Waters, in his element in the soft conditions, I guess, was already having to twist and turn to deal with O’Grady’s tricky moves but strangely it was a break by the hosts which brought the next danger, as Beard raced between Prinzel and Callum Burgess. As he struck the ball however, Coventry’s ‘keeper Rich Morris slid at his feet, colliding with him and this allowed Vallance to clear the loose ball. A penalty was not awarded, the first of two that the rather loud and shrieking referee decided not to give. He reminded me a little of comedy actor Terry Scott but I have no idea why. Another rush by Beard, oddly not wearing any facial hair at all, took him past Vallance but his release was well off-target and then the visitors scorned a chance to extend their lead. O’Grady’s fine left-boot cross from the right was missed by everyone except the unmarked Nduna at the far stick but he smashed the ball high over the goal-frame from three yards out.

REF: "I'VE GOT A MARROW THIS LONG..."
THE SOUTHAM PLAYERS ARE NOT IMPRESSED...

When the fully involved Southam skipper gave away a free-kick, 27 yards from goal, in the attacking inside-right channel, one just knew that O’Grady’s left boot was yelling: “Me, me, me…” It did its job too, as the winger’s curling effort dropped inside the right upright for a spectacular goal.

0-2, COURTESY OF...

...A TRICKY FREE-KICK...

A third goal was then chalked off, as the bearded Morris’ huge clearance was dealt with on the right by Cox, O’Grady returned the ball for his skipper to move onto, make the byeline and cross for Brown to head home at the far post, but the ball had apparently drifted out of play after the centre had been delivered. Vallance passed to get Nduna to the left byeline but Saint Wilson cleared the short cross well, before a short corner routine between O’Grady and Nduna saw the former’s cross deflect off Blythe and then defender Alex Baird to Cox, who couldn’t keep his header down. Gift Mussa, who appears to hate beach-football and was having a quiet game by his standards for the guests, suddenly broke from his sojourn like a Viking with a sore head and made a superb challenge on Beard, only to be fouled by the home striker, who received a card the colour of his shirt.

NDUNA REALISES THAT THIS IS NOT A 5-A-SIDE PITCH...

A poor O’Grady corner was aided and abetted by home skipper Tunde Ajibade at the near post, causing mayhem in his own 6 yard area, before a long feed by Blythe and a pass from Cox to O’Grady, led to a wasted and skied shot by the tricky one. On a rare break, with Burgess hurt for Coventry, Paul Goonan fed Sidgwick on the right but Morris fell in a flurry of pink, black and yellow to gather the cross-shot easily. Jamie Coleman replaced Burgess and then Nduna’s skill took him past a defender but as he reached the edge of the 18 yard area and he was striking his shot, the ball bobbled up, possibly onto his ankle and the power was reduced to a looping shot, which surprised Archer to surge upwards like an arrow from a bow and touch the ball away for a right-side corner. Mussa the Marauder then drove past three tackling defenders along the left touchline and although he won a free-kick, actually he had got clear and maybe Southam were pleased to concede just the set-piece. This came to nought but another quick Coventry free-kick won a left-wing corner then Cox could only lob another header too high from O’Grady’s delivery. Half-time arrived, Ross Briscoe wore his woolly hat to warm up in, as did Josh Blake, the second period was late starting due to a linesman finding a problem with a goal net, at which point Mussa instigated a game of ‘Tig’ and Morris hugged Coleman as if they had just met at the summit of Ben Nevis. 

THEY DON'T SCORE OFTEN, SO THEY PRACTISED HUGGING BEFORE THE SECOND PERIOD BEGAN...

Cox basically soared to dominate what was a poor second period, backed by the rock that was Prinzel and midfield colleague Tigger Mussa, who rode and powered into tackles like he was having a trial as a Running Back for the Minnesota Vikings. Cox reached a right-flank O’Grady cross but couldn’t direct his header, although Nduna behind him appeared to be better suited to heading that one, then Cox and Mussa combined to free O’Grady on the right, who this time tricked himself and Waters dispossessed him. Tommy Glasscoe, comfortable at right-back for The Cagemen, freed O’Grady on the right, following a short free-kick but as Nduna attempted to get onto Tricky’s cross, he was knocked over by a defender, once again not impressing Terry Scott the referee, who was never really impressed by his stage wife June Whitfield either…

COMMANDER PRINZEL BRINGS THE BALL AWAY...

A SAINT AUDITIONS FOR A PART IN A PANTO' HORSE, AS RICH BLYTHELY CARRIES ON...

A Prinzel clearance was then charged down by Beard, Ajibade fed the ball left to Sidgwick and as the forward swung his boot, the ball bobbled up, so that his strike became a looped effort, which left Morris staring skywards like he’d just noticed the buzzard circling above, as I had, as the ball bounced on his crossbar. Prinzel’s next and fine pass found O’Grady on the right but it was Glasscoe’s accurate centre, which Brown headed over the arching Archer, off the underside of the horizontal pole and into the Southam net. An offside flag thwarted Brown this time. Sidgwick and Goonan were replaced by the speedy Lewis Califano and the more solid Callum Regan for the hosts, Nduna was cautioned for a foul then he so unselfishly attempted to lay the ball back for a colleague on the 18 yard line, but his boots were so frustrated by his decision that they were heard screaming at him: “SHOOT…” The chance was thus lost. 

MILES DANCES FOR GLASSCOE...

HAS TRICKY TIED THE BALL TO HIS BOOTS, OR WHAT?
(WE ARE NOT RELATED...)

NDUNA TAKES A BREAK...

Briscoe replaced Nduna, the tall-one looked lively in the air, minus his woolly hat and actually settled the game with such a nonchalant goal that he could barely be bothered to celebrate it. Cox’s defensive header saw Coleman clear and Vallance strike the ball to Briscoe at half-way; he was tackled by Edgington but won back the ball, received it again from Blythe, played a one-two with the alert Brown just outside the penalty-box, looked up, saw the approaching Archer all aquiver, leaned back, took aim and lifted an almost lazy finish over the helpless ‘keeper into the net.

0-3...

BRISCOE YAWNS & ACCEPTS THE BACK-PATS...

Pierre Moudime replaced Glasscoe for the guests, who then managed the conditions rather well from the moment he arrived, although Coventry’s Harry Barnes, who still thinks Gift Mussa is 14 years old, asked me to say that: “Pierre was poor…” He wasn’t. Briscoe challenged Baird and then Brown was involved, the ball fell for the reliable Blythe to strike but Archer fell to save, then an O’Grady free-kick was stopped by a Southam defensive wall and after interventions by Moudime and Vallance, Cox passed towards the right, Waters missed the ball but recovered well to block Brown’s shot in front of Archer. 

PIERRE MOUDIME DIGS OUT THE BALL...

COX UP... 

Coventry’s fourth goal was a simple affair: Briscoe passed to O’Grady, he fed the ball across the penalty-area from the right to Brown, who was not offside, the ball hadn’t drifted out of play and so he shot past Archer. 0-4 and the game was done.

0-4...

...MATT BROWN...

Cox still wasn’t smiling, Southam had been well beaten, although Beard and Ajibade had tried so hard to amass offense for the team, whilst Aaron Cheshire in central defence, alongside Baird, had worked really hard to suppress the threat of Brown, Nduna, then Briscoe. Coventry’s Morris had been thoroughly unconvinced about the second-half showing by his outfielders, judging by his bearded bellows and his anxious angst, whilst Cox and Mussa grafted successfully in the tough conditions underfoot. Prinzel was composed in defence and although O’Grady was obviously baulked by the surface, he still wove his spells on occasions and netted a fine free-kick.

TUNDE HEADS FOR MOZZA...

APPLAUSE ACCEPTANCE...

BONJOUR MONSIEUR...

Me? Cafe Saffron in Knowle for a Chicken Desi… 

It’s what you should do…    

TEAMS:

SOUTHAM UNITED:

Matt Archer, George Edgington, Lee Waters, Luke Wilson, Aaron Cheshire, Alex Baird, Jack Sidgwick, Paul Goonan, Adam Miles, Max Beard, Tunde Ajibade (Capt).

SUBS:

Lewis Califano, Callum Regan, Jordan Featherstone.

COVENTRY UNITED:

Mozza Morris, Tommy Glasscoe, Ben Vallance, Tigger Mussa, Rob Prinzel, Callum Burgess, Josh O’Grady, Rich Blythe, Matt Brown, Chris Cox (Capt), Muzi Nduna.

SUBS:

Coler Coleman, Pierre Moudime, Blasé Briscoe, Josh ‘Gods, I’m So Cool’ Blake, Dave Allen, whose gods go with him…