ALCESTER TOWN 2-2 CENTRAL AJAX: THE PANTOMIME MATCH REPORT...

Little Goodwill At Alcester, As One Linesman Wished He’d Gone Shopping…

Alcester Town 2-2 Central Ajax

As one of the unwise men, I had spotted a drone in the sky from Solihull and followed it like a star, arriving in Alcester to survey a glum, disappointing, non-nativity scene. (Perhaps the drone had been over Brum Airport instead then…) There was barely any room at the inn, er, in the refreshments room actually, where a young fellow was being berated by a more senior caterer. I pretended not to hear and scribbled the players’ surnames down onto my helpful wristband (I don’t have a handy shelf) to aid identification during my commentary… There were sheep on a nearby hillside and so it came to pass that shepherds too had been drawn to this holy place, no doubt with the threat of a new housing estate being built on their field if they didn’t attend the match. There were two Carters present and curiously, a Bodfish and a Fagg playing in the panto’ also.

The officials’ timekeeping would not have impressed the Mad Hatter in Wonderland however, for puzzled glances were cast about by spectators and shepherds at 2.42pm when the referee, a bit of a King Herod to be fair, blew his whistle for the Xmas pud’ and mulled wine half-time break. No added time, not even 45 minutes had been played… Hmm. And the players were back on the pitch by 2.55, all in the name of short December daylight, I guess. Unless the referee was going to a Christmas meal and didn’t want to be late for his very important date… 

PEOPLE ARRIVING AT THE STABLE, ER, SORRY, THE CENTRE-SPOT...

So, who was actually performing? Well, the panto’ villain was evident in the cursing, truly hard-done-by Matt Layton of Central Ajax, whose bellowing words were sometimes not actually the ones written on the script, for he was denied a goal by a wicked step-assistant who flagged him offside. It would eventually be a happy ending for Layton though, despite the Scrooge-like linesman’s apparent unwillingness to give him anything. Layton’s passing was often creative, he assisted for the opening Ajax goal and before the interval, during which there was no ice-cream vendor selling from a tray, he had seen a header caught by home goalie Jack Bodfish, had had a low shot stopped by the custodian, another fumbled past a post by the fortunate ‘keeper and then had seen his ‘goal’ disallowed.

LEWIS WONDERS WHERE THE BALL MIGHT HAVE GONE...

Alcester had begun the game with gusto, like Captain Hook’s crew of swashbucklers spoiling for a scrap and had taken an early lead when right-sided attacker Callum Debar’s pass slipped Dan Carter into an angled shooting position at inside-right, from whence his rising effort flew over the stunned visiting custodian Paul Dipple. Most of the Town danger was certainly caused by the rushes of lean, tall speedy Debar, whose tussle with Ajax’s left-back Harry Edgington-Furlong went many furlongs longer during the match.

DAN CARTER, THIRD LEFT, TURNS CARTWHEELS IN CELEBRATION AFTER SCORING...

Poor defending and a possible pull on a Town player ended with another Dan Carter move towards Dipple but the forward, who lacked service throughout the game and was well marshalled by visiting defenders Tom Dyke and skipper Aaran Satchwell, was somehow forced wide and the chance was scorned. The only other first period efforts at goal by the hosts, despite the decent start were a terribly sliced effort by Town’s left-side forward Callum Burston-Keeley and just after he had netted Alcester’s second goal, Debar’s acrobatic volley which flew just too high. However, Ajax had managed to equalise with a really soft goal and much of their good play was orchestrated by the slim Sam Smith, the energetic Adam Miles and of course Layton.

SURELY THEY ARE NOT RELATED?

MATT LAYTON, BEFORE HE ADDED 'GRINCH' TO HIS NAME BY DEED POLL...

Town had a set-piece cleared and Smith’s punt upfield was glanced on by the head of the aggressive Jordan Lewis, marked only by the snap-at-your heels home midfielder Craig Carter. The Town man found that his shoe didn’t fit however as he crumbled, stumbled and tumbled, allowing Lewis to burst forth like a bullock through an open gate. Carter was disorientated, “It’s behind you…” the audience shouted, as Lewis veered past the outrushing Bodfish. The forward must have been slightly concerned though as the ball bobbled badly, basically bouncing off his boot over the goal-line, as he was about to convert his chance. Subsequently though and no doubt relieved, Lewis wheeled away like the goose which had laid a golden egg… 

THE BALL ROLLS IN AND IT'S 1-1...

AJAX, WEARING WHITE, ALL KNOWN GERMS KILLED, HAVE EQUALISED...

Lewis would have a one-on-one chance too, from a fine Layton assist but this time his shot struck the ‘keeper’s feet. A later shot on the turn by Lewis wasn’t too far off the mark either but as they began to dominate more, Ajax looked to exploit some vulnerability in the air displayed by Town on occasions. Both central striker Will Pendrep and midfielder Miles, who played a significant role in his team’s performance, rose like they were keen to climb a beanstalk and retrieve their mothers’ cows from the control of a giant, but neither could score from Layton’s smart deliveries. Pendrep’s effort was deflected, Miles’ header dropped past the left upright, although it surely nudged a defender on the way and ought to have been a corner… 

JUSTICE DISPENSED AT THE COURT OF KING HEROD...

The controversy and main theme of the panto’ though was Layton’s disallowed goal. It remains tough to disseminate however, for from the video footage, it is unclear when Layton was adjudged offside, for certainly, when a free-kick was struck forward by the visitors, it was a Town defender’s head which flicked on the ball, not an Ajax player. If the officials had seen that, maybe things might have turned out differently. Oh, no they wouldn’t, oh, yes they would… Layton rapped a fine finish past Bodfish and then the arguments began. King Herod and the wicked step-assistant nattered like witches in a coven and the offside decision was upheld.

"YOUR NAME?"
"DYDE..."
"FINE, BUT WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

And wouldn’t you just know it, with Layton a-scowling, his father a-complaining on the touchline and his colleagues up in arms, Burston-Keeley slipped a pass at inside-right to Debar and he beat Dipple with a low shot into the far corner of the net. Fee, fi, fo, fum, Layton smelled the blood of a line-judge-man… 2-1 to the hosts and all that remained was for a Smith free-kick to drop onto the roof of the home net, yet despite stoppages for injuries to Ajax’s Jack Banks and goalie Dipple, plus the replacement of Banks by Nick Dyde and the substitute’s subsequent caution, as well as the delay after Layton’s goal had been chalked off, the first act ended, er, early… 

DEBAR, BACKGROUND, HAS MADE IT 2-1...

INTERVAL REACHED...

The Ajax defence had seemed the more secure thus far, for despite some good headers away by Town’s Kieran Downey and skipper Lewis Cosgrove, Bodfish often stayed on his goal-line when Layton’s deliveries were made, rather than advance and get baulked by bigger buggers and this caused some panic on a few occasions. Lewis fought well in attack for the visitors but in truth, Dan Carter was quiet for the hosts and Burston-Keeley wasn’t able to cause damage on the left flank. Billy Fagg had attempted to light up the home offence but despite some neat cameo runs by Reece Hewitt, little had come from his sorties thus far. 

DAN CARTER MEETS KING HEROD...

HEWITT BETWEEN FURLONG AND MILES, STRANGELY...

The second act began with the guests manipulating Alcester and few could argue that an equaliser would be deserved. Yet, in the dying embers of this panto’, Town might have snatched a couple of extra points. Lewis was well off target with a near post header, Dyde fired twice off target, wide from 19 yards, then too high from 25 but really Pendrep would be disappointed about his 15 yard volley which rose too high, with the home defence mimicking the seven dwarves rushing hither and thither unable to cope with the presence of Snow White in their little house. Parity was regained when the pacy Craig Robbins, whose rapid sprints were a feature of act two, latched onto Lewis’ assist at inside-right and scored low into the far side of the net, the third goal scored from a similar shooting place on the day.

2-2: ROBBINS WHITEBREAST SUITABLY NETS AT CHRISTMAS...

AND ALL BECAUSE SATCHWELL WOULDN'T LET GO OF THE BALL...

Alcester were seemingly unable to prevent their guests from forcing the pace but in fairness they eventually recovered and despite a long volley by Layton which flew way over the crossbar, a save to his right by Bodfish from the same player, a near post parry by the home ‘keeper from the rockin’ Robbins and a dangerous centre by substitute Alex Andrews, Town rallied to make the latter stages of the encounter really quite exciting. Yet still Layton was perfecting his frown, no doubt in the hope of landing the part of The Grinch in next year’s production… 

DAN CARTER: QUIET GAME BUT HE DID TUMBLE OFF BALANCE ONCE, LIKE BUTTONS IN CINDERELLA...

A low Fagg shot rolled wide, a low Debar effort was claimed by Dipple and then Burston-Keeley, getting as irritated as someone for whom the slipper really doesn’t fit but desperately wants it to, crashed into Dipple 19 yards from goal and left the ‘keeper wondering what had hit him… After a decent centre by rampaging home right-back Joe Spalding, things became a little fraught for Ajax and Satchwell caused a mock fight scene by refusing to let go of the ball and allow Alcester to take a free-kick. Pushing, shoving and custard pies were thrown, and comments were heard like: “You won’t get to the ball…” (get it?) and “You think you’re gonna live happily ever after?” and “Stop this silliness, my good fellow…” However, Alcester capitalised upon their visitors’ reluctance to be deprived of a point and began to search for a winner.

DIPPLE WILL SAVE FROM DEBAR...

Hewitt was often clever on the ball but rarely threatened for his team, picking up a knock too, although no replacements were used by the hosts. Missing Terrance Morton, skipper Danny Janes, Ben Pattison, Josh Cullen and goalkeeper Luis Sone from their starting line-up against a strong Ajax outfit, perhaps a point would not be sniffed at by Town. Finally, not from the left but from the centre, like when he assisted for Debar’s goal, Burston-Keeley struck one fine shot which was beaten down well by the leaping Dipple, like a Jack from a box but the forward’s rebound was stubbed and although the ball ended up in the net, offside was signalled against a player in the goalie’s eye-line.

KING HEROD INSTRUCTS SATCHWELL NOT TO STEAL HIS BALLS...

Then Dan Carter, still inexplicably quiet, fastened onto a pass and slipped the ball past Dipple but the striker groaned like a less Grinch-like Layton as the wicked step-assistant’s flag waved him offside too… A swerving Spalding cross dropped onto the roof of the net, Hewitt’s only shot of the game rolled well, well wide from 24 yards and then, with only moments remaining, Dipple Whittington himself, minus his cat but certainly cat-like, advanced to save from the encroaching and bearing-down-on-goal Debar, who must have thought he was about to wrench the genie from its bottle… Dipple’s path to make that save was definitely paved with gold, as it saved the day for his hardworking team… 

Smith, despite his late caution, Miles, Satchwell, Dyke and Layton played the main parts for Ajax, along with ‘keeper Dipple and for the hosts, left-back Matt Magee was strong, although he must have been disappointed that so many of his set-piece deliveries were not capitalised upon. Craig Carter was so busy for his team, yet would have been annoyed by the concession of Lewis’ goal, Fagg kept up the passing game, Downey’s heading was generally effective and Debar became a factor late on, after a quieter start to act two.  

And thus the curtain came down on the panto’ with the actors wishing each other a Merry Christmas and exchanging Faggs. No! Sorry, that was the Royal Warwickshire Regiment and German troops on Christmas Day in 1914… There was no Nativity in Alcester, merely entertainment, if a little off the script and presided over by prompter King Herod and darkened by his evil step-assistant… Actually the linesman was a decent bloke who told me after the altercation with Matt Grinch-Layton, that he wished he’d gone Christmas shopping instead… 

Ah well, all’s well that ends well…

And was there really a Furlong and a Miles in the same team? Did Harry run 8 times just to catch up with Adam???

Merry Christmas from The Mowdog and The Bodging…    

THE CAST:

ALCESTER TOWN MAIN PARTS: 

JACK BODFISH, JOE SPALDING, MATT MAGEE, CRAIG CARTER, KIERAN DOWNEY, LEWIS COSGROVE (CAPT), REECE HEWITT, BILLY FAGG, DAN CARTER, CALLUM DEBAR, CALLUM BURSTON-KEELEY.

UNDERSTUDIES:

JOSH CULLEN, BEN PATTISON, MATT SEELEY, TERRANCE MORTON, DAN CULLEN.

CENTRAL AJAX MAIN CHARACTERS:

PAUL DIPPLE WHITTINGTON, JACK BANKS, HARRY EDGINGTON-FURLONG, SAM SMITH, AARAN SATCHWELL (CAPT), TOM DYKE, ADAM MILES, CRAIG ROBBINS, WILL PENDREP, MATT GRINCH-LAYTON, JORDAN BRUISER LEWIS.

UNDERSTUDIES:

JACK KEELING, ALEX ANDREWS, NICK DYDE, ADAM EDWARDS, JAKE MONTGOMERY.