ASHBY IVANHOE KNIGHTS 4-0 BARLESTONE ST GILES: THE MATCH REPORT...

Knights Of The Right Boot Too Clinical For Wayward Saints

Ashby Ivanhoe Knights 4-0 Barlestone St Giles

How about if 80% of your shots go past the opposition’s goalkeeper? Not bad, eh? Well Ashby hit five proper shots towards goal against St Giles and four right-footers flew into the visitors’ net. Barlestone huffed and puffed, probably with considerably more possession than Ashby but a tip-over and a low save by home goalie Ricky Blewitt were all that the Saints could force during a frustrating first-half, as their hosts pressed, pushed and pestered their rather shocked adversaries. Kyle Croxall thumped two goals, one in the early minutes of each half, before an opportunist’s lobbed volley by Jack Dunkley then a late strike by Elliott Bott made sure that misery shrouded the men in orange as they trooped from the pitch…

SOMEONE HAS A SPECK OF SOMETHING ON HIS SHORTS...

So, Croxall… He reminded me of Aston Villa legend Andy Lochhead, or Bolton Wanderers’ famous England number 9 Nat Lofthouse: a robust, not-bullied centre-forward from another era, whose main purpose in pulling a soccer jersey over his head was to thump the ball mightily towards the opposition goal. Croxall did it twice. He scored twice. Then he left the pitch to return to the 21st century. Villa? Ah, when I was young, I was coerced into thinking that I should be a supporter. Quondam Villa fans often come to their senses, however… (Quondam was the answer to an anagram puzzle on the day of the game and I swore I would use the word in this match report. I had never heard of it before but it means ‘former’…) 

HARDLY THE MOST ENERGETIC OF PRE-MATCH STRETCHES... 

Despite their loss, it must be recorded that the Saints were very well served on the whole by skipper Dave Roberts in midfield, whose head rose above a good deal of lesser mediocrity but central defenders Mitch White and Callum Harris also set good examples, Charlie West and Craig Leonard worked hard, as did Elliott Chamberlain and Damien Irons but in truth the visiting forwards were blotted out effectively like ink from leaky pens by the home rearguard. Full-backs Joel Storer and Tom Winfield made some decent forward runs but if ever a team suffered an off day, this was Barlestone’s and my, how they were punished.

COE: ONCE A SINNER, NOW A CONQUEROR OF SAINTS...

Blewitt tipped a speculative centre from deep by Storer, who was later cautioned, over his crossbar, partly because of the eager goalie’s usual starting position, as if he, like Croxall wanted to storm forward at every opportunity like a frisky rhinoceros into a safari marquee. Consequently, he was forced to peddle backwards again when another Storer delivery struck the top of his left side-netting and when a quickly attempted volley by Leonard flew past the right upright. His low save from White’s fierce 15 yard drive from inside-left though was a good stop. He collected a bouncing Chamberlain free-kick from 35 yards but wasn’t troubled by Leonard’s near post header which drifted wide and Harris’ header from Irons’ corner which the Saint unfortunately got beneath and thus nodded upwards rather than goalwards.

LEONARD: LIMITED SERVICE...

Ashby scored with their first and, er, only first period shot… A left-side throw. Croxall controlled it, turned like a bull shrugging off a picnic blanket and smacked a low right-boot shot across the face of goal and just inside the right stick. See? Kick the ball goalwards with venom and you just might score. He did. 

CROXALL HAS SCORED BUT CAN'T FIND HIS HEAD...

Otherwise, the hosts’ final ball was regularly awry, often from wide-men Dunkley and Sam Beck, although both actually had very busy matches. One always wanted to see Ollie Coe on the ball however, for he was the one who looked to switch play, or spread passes about, despite the crowded midfield. At least neither he, nor George Clamp were sin-binned on this occasion… Full-backs Andy Hulley and skipper Alex Ford both had strong games and defensive workers Ryan Dowling, Pat Rowell and Jake Conkay were resilient, largely thwarting the Saints’ best efforts. 

THE NAME OF STORER IS STORED IN THE REFEREE'S STORAGE NOTEBOOK...

After the break, the visitors’ offensive efforts were even poorer, in truth. A weak Chamberlain shot was collected by Blewitt like he was rescuing next door’s cat from a rhododendron bush, a free-kick by replacement Joe McLoughlin was deflected past the left post for a corner, which White headed off target and an Irons free-kick looped tamely well over the crossbar. Substitute Alex Jarvis shot wide of the left post as a deep centre looked to have offered him a fine chance of scoring, he then assisted George Hickling, whose low shot was blocked by Conkay and very late on, Blewitt fell to take a low Jarvis centre. The frustrated skipper Roberts was booked for a desperate challenge on the ‘Knight of Harassment’, a.k.a. Coe and that probably illustrated exactly how the evening must have felt to anyone connected with Barlestone.

THE REFEREE BECKONS THE SAINTS' PHYSIO'...

...WHO ARRIVES SOME 37 MINUTES LATER.
(I TROD THIS GUY'S STILL LIT FAG-END DOWN INTO THE GRASS IN THE CAR-PARK, BY THE WAY...)

Ashby scored their second goal when a forward pass by the increasingly effective Clamp was nudged on by Rowell as Irons challenged him but when the ball rolled to Croxall, his instinct was telling him: “Shoot… And hard…” So, once he had tricked both Harris and Roberts 25 yards out, he lamped the ball high past goalie Shaun Robinson and into the left corner of the net. 

SECOND PERIOD STARTS...

...& RESTARTS AFTER CROXALL'S SECOND GOAL...

Goal three wasn’t long arriving either and the assist, hardly surprisingly, came from ‘keeper Blewitt, whose long punt forward was chased by Dunkley and as Robinson raced out to kick the ball clear, he, er, kicked the Ashby night air, for Dunkley had got there first and duly lobbed a perfect volley into the empty net, right corner of goal.

HARRIS & CROXALL: GOOD TUSSLE...

Then, replacement Bott actually shot just wide of the right stick from the inside-left channel, to the extreme shock of all present, following a smart Clamp pass. A shot off-target? How could that be? Subsequently though another replacement, the lively Sam Hankin shoved a pass from inside-right to inside left and Bott rapped it past Robinson and into the left corner of the net from 23 yards. 

DRAMA...

4-0 NOW...

And that was that, really…

Tarus McMullen-Zamen arrived as a replacement for the Knights, so that I could include a name with a hyphen and nineteen letters in my report and Barlestone sent on another Roberts; John this time, in an attempt to confuse my commentary but the hosts had long since won the points by then, leaving the unfortunate visitors well deflated.

"OI, THAT FINGER NEARLY WENT UP MY NOSE..."

So, Clamp and Coe were the sinners on Saturday but the two Knights overcame the Saints on Tuesday…

It’s what they do…  

TEAMS:

ASHBY IVANHOE KNIGHTS:

RICKY BLEWITT, ALEX FORD (CAPT), ANDY HULLEY, PAT ROWELL, JAKE CONKAY, RYAN DOWLING, SAM BECK, OLLIE COE, KYLE CROXALL, GEORGE CLAMP, JACK DUNKLEY.

SUBS:

ELLIOTT BOTT, SAM HANKIN, JOSH BUNYAN, JAKE DUTHIE, TARUS MCMULLEN-ZAMAN.

BARLESTONE ST GILES:

SHAUN ROBINSON, JOEL STORER, TOM WINFIELD, MITCH WHITE, CALLUM HARRIS, DAVE ROBERTS (CAPT), DAMIEN IRONS, ELLIOTT CHAMBERLAIN, GEORGE HICKLING, CRAIG LEONARD, CHARLIE WEST.

SUBS:

ALEX JARVIS, JOHN ROBERTS, JOE MCLOUGHLIN, MICHAEL HILLS.