STONEHOUSE TOWN 1-4 HEREFORD LADS CLUB: THE MATCH REPORT...

Predatory Lads Grab Points Late From Magpies

Stonehouse Town 1-4 Hereford Lads Club

The M5 between junctions 5 and 6 was slow. It was hot in my car. I had no idea whether I would arrive in time for this match but when I did, I strolled to the entrance hut and politely asked for a concession admission. The elderly chap on duty clearly believed I was cheating the system and demanded to know my age… I was offended. Did he think I was lying? It was the manner I objected to but I managed to deflect my annoyance and soon shook his hand but in fairness he offered me my fee back when I told him I was covering the game for my blog. I refused it. A good start then…

THERE'S AN INVISIBLE HURDLE ON THE PITCH...

The Chairman was really helpful however and strangely I am writing this on Sunday 25th August 2019, seventy years to the day that Billy Wright opened the ground in Oldends Lane… I wish I’d known previously because it would have been good to have advertised that beforehand in my preview and maybe the club might have celebrated the anniversary in some way and attracted more customers, whatever their true ages…  

BE AFRAID. VERY AFRAID.

JOE MARTIN CAN'T FIND THE BALL.
HE FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO COME BY IT DURING THE FIRST-HALF TOO...

Hereford were the stronger team during this contest, once the opening ten minutes had passed and Jamie Cuthbertson’s left-booted strike gave the Lads a half-time lead. That opening period had been bereft of goalscoring chances but rich in losses of possession. Certainly the hosts weathered an early second-half rush by their guests and indeed regained parity through skipper Alex Kibble’s measured strike past visiting skipper and goalie Steven Bell. Two players were then sin-binned, the first I’ve seen this season, whereby Kibble would follow Lads’ substitute Kiea Cowley-Hair into ten-minute exiles. However, two strange goals by Hereford virtually bagged up the points, first by another replacement, Ashley Lear, who capitalised upon hesitation between Town defender Elliott King and his ‘keeper, Will Pedrick. (Hang on, King and Lear? You couldn’t make that up…) Finally, Lear released forgiven sinner Cowley-Hair and he thumped a left-footer past Pedrick to complete the scoring. 

LANCETT & EARLE...

I guess 1-4 was harsh on Stonehouse but Hereford scavenged like real magpies are renowned for and won deservedly. Urged on by midfielder Adam Newbury and the harassing Tom Dawson, Club were able to utilise the offensive running of Adam Hockey and James Hancocks, although the height of Nick Britton was rarely a problem for the home defence in which King was generally really reliable and Lee Keveren was just as effective. 

BELL: HUGE VOICE RANG OUT...

An early shot too high by Kibble, following Tim Williams’ sensible pass from the left, a Tom Palmer free-kick delivery which was well cleared by smart Lads’ left-back James Fennessey and an angled drive by Liam Gale which was well blocked by Bell at his near stick were really all the hosts could muster during the opening period and their offense would be only marginally more effective after the interval. The visitors scored from Fennessey’s throw on the left, which Britton and his marker leapt for but missed and when the ball bounced upwards, Hancocks glanced it on with a back-header and with the home defence wrong-footed and in disarray, Cuthbertson needed no further invitation as he rapped a shot into the bottom right corner of the net, leaving Pendrick helpless.  

0-1...

A WOMAN, A DOG & A GOALSCORER...

Pendrick did do well to save at Hancocks’ feet, after an astute pass by Hockey sent him away at inside-left but despite Hereford looking the livelier group in attack, Pendrick, like Bell, remained largely untroubled. Home striker Joe Martin had been starved of service and roamed the front line like a hungry jackal with no sight of prey until what looked like his hamstring failed him and he was replaced at the recess by Dan Martin. It was sensible of the substitutes to remain in the shade during half-time but I felt an idiot asking the Lads’ dugout inhabitants to verify their number 15’s name. It was Kiea Cowley-Hair but I had been unable to decipher it from the team sheet and I reckon it would have remained undecipherable even at Bletchley Park during World War Two…

KIBBLE PLEADS...

...BUT PALMER IS CAUTIONED ANYWAY...

Second period blocks by Magpies Rob Humphries, from Hockey, Keveren, from Hancocks and Ryan Thwaite, from Dawson’s low centre, kept the hosts alive, although in truth, Hockey also looped a header off target, Newbury and Hockey combined but Britton shot too high from 8 yards and a Britton back-header was collected by Pedrick. Britton had a goal disallowed too when Hockey’s assist saw Lear’s shot blocked by Pedrick and when the loose ball was rapped goalwards by Cowley-Hair, the tall striker nudged the ball home near the right stick. However, it did seem that he was behind the goalie and the relevant linesman adjudged him offside therefore…

DRINKS BREAK.
I DIDN'T GET ONE.

WARNING FOR DAWSON...

Meanwhile, Town had seen Bell rush out to deny Williams from the very useful home winger Chris Earle’s pass, Earle then shoved a good delivery across the face of goal and actually found the net later, although he had been flagged offside before he shot. Subsequently however, the game took a turn for the better for the Magpies when Humphries passed inside to his skipper from the right and Kibble opened up his frame and his orange right boot caressed a lovely shot from 23 yards just inside the right post which beat Bell’s dive. Nice one… 

KING SUDDENLY REALISES HE SHOULD BE AT TWICKENHAM...

DO THE LADS HAVE TO BOW TO BRITTON AT EVERY KICK-OFF?

GOAL FOR KIBBLE, RIGHT...

Then the sinners were unceremoniously binned and the game changed quite dramatically. A long ball dropped towards King near the edge of his own 18 yard box and he chose to duck beneath it and allow it to bounce on to Pedrick, although whatever calls were made, I remain unsure. Lear though saw the chance of an interception and he ran from the right side of the penalty-box and just beat the ‘keeper to the ball, edging it just inside the left upright.

OOPS...

WILLIAMS IN TROUBLE...

GOAL FOR LEAR, LEFT...

...& IT'S 1-2...

The next goal was even stranger… Pedrick ran to the left edge of his penalty-area and kicked the ball away, it eventually fell to Newbury some 40 yards out and he tried a shot from downtown which struck the crossbar. Humphries managed a clearance but Britton took possession and loped towards the left byeline with Keveren covering and the striker’s kick goalwards looped off Keveren’s boot and although Thwaite tried hard to clear it from the goal-line, his high boot also helped the ball into goal. 

1-3: BRITTON...

A couple of Cuthbertson headers drifted off target for the Lads and Dan Martin nearly capitalised for Town when a slice by Lad Kalum Wildig forced Bell to back-peddle and claw the ball away from his goal-line like he was swiping a large spider from his auntie’s head. Martin simply couldn’t get in a shot from the rebound but later, his spectacular over-shoulder effort from Earle’s fine assist flew past the left angle of post and crossbar. 

BRITTON: "NO, YOU PUT YOU RIGHT ARM OUT, NOT YOUR LEFT... DON'T YOU KNOW THE SONG?"

LEAR BOOKING...

With Kibble still atoning for his sins, a home attack was cleared, Lear cleverly flicked the ball into Cowley-Hair’s path from the centre-line and the saved sinner raced clear to fire goal four into the top left corner of goal, as Pedrick advanced to narrow the angle in vain.

LOOK LEFT: IT'S DANNY COWLEY...

1-4: GOAL FOR THE LADS' SINNER...

Wildig and Cuthbertson held the Lads’ defence together well enough, with full-backs Fennessey and Alex Lancett playing their parts but certainly plaudits must go to the all round efforts of Newbury, who was the engine in the Hereford midfield. Lear and Cowley-Hair were as effective as any pair of replacements could have been, to be fair and they contributed hugely to the victory. I guess King, Keveren, Kibble and Earle starred for the hosts, although Williams fought hard in attack and Palmer attempted creativity in the trenches, although perhaps Gale was not served often enough to become more of a force… 

"GO TO THE BIN, SINNER..."

"I COULD DO WITH A BIT OF SHADE, ANYWAY..."

KIBBLE IS BINNED...

...& RUNS OFF SINFULLY...

Apart from the aforementioned sinners, Palmer and Williams were also cautioned for the hosts, whilst Lear was booked for the guests…

CLOSE TO THE END NOW...

And yeah, the journey back to Solihull was much, much better, particularly for an old fellow like myself…

TEAMS: 

STONEHOUSE TOWN:

WILL PEDRICK, ROB HUMPHRIES, RYAN THWAITE, TOM PALMER, LEE KEVEREN, ELLIOTT KING, CHRIS EARLE, ALEX KIBBLE (CAPT), JOE MARTIN, TIM WILLIAMS, LIAM GALE.

SUBS:

WILL LACEY, DAN MARTIN, JOSH PATEL, LIAM WALSH.

HEREFORD LADS CLUB:

STEVEN BELL (CAPT), ALEX LANCETT, JAMES FENNESSEY, TOM DAWSON, KALUM WILDIG, JAMIE CUTHBERTSON, ADAM NEWBURY, CHRIS GWYNNE, NICK BRITTON, ADAM HOCKEY, JAMES HANCOCKS.

SUBS:

JORDAN MOON, DANNY MOON, KIEA COWLEY-HAIR, ASH LEAR, CAM GODSALL.