2016: RACING CLUB WARWICk 1-3 COVENTRY UNITED, ON PANCAKE DAY...

 Cagemen Toss Aside Pancake Pitch & Cook Up Three More Points…

Racing Club Warwick 1-3 Coventry United

(February 2016)

I tucked away three pancakes before driving to Warwick for this game, which had surprisingly survived a 4pm pitch inspection, although the surface resembled a large rectangular frying pan, containing a soft pancake, making passing, running, turning and even long deliveries more difficult than usual for both teams. The tradition of using up eggs, milk and sugar before Lent and thus making pancakes was a good idea in the past: the French called it ‘Mardi Gras’ (fat Tuesday) and the Swiss called it ‘Güdisdienstag’ (from Güdel, meaning a fat stomach full of food, on a Tuesday) and they have pancake races there. Atherstone kick the shit out of each other in the Shrove Tuesday ‘Atherstone Ball Game’, also known as ‘mob football’. Hmm… 

YEAH, I ONCE FILMED FROM THAT GANTRY, FOLLOWING A TREK THROUGH WARWICK'S RAIN-FOREST BEHIND THE GRANDSTAND...

So, as I gobbled my pancakes, I self-examined and repented, as Christians are supposed to do at this time, despite having lapsed any beliefs a long, long time ago. I decided that I didn’t like myself and then repented for considering Coventry United’s home ground Sphinx Drive ‘dark’. And then I saw the light… The light came in the form of United skipper Chris Cox, who ploughed the Warwick field and scattered his effect all over the place, assisting in goal one, netting goal three and generally stamping his authority on the rather mucky proceedings, especially when the Racers made a good fist of battling back in the second-half, due in no short measure to some lax Coventry play. Callum Burgess defended like he was some sort of enraged farming type, Josh O’Grady slithered and slunk like a python in a mud-bath and despite the best efforts of Racers’ Wade Malley and pivotal skipper Tom Reynolds, the hosts were deservedly beaten, with the Cagemen squandering a number of goal chances. Coventry ‘keeper Rich Morris dressed in the spirit of Shrove Tuesday, wearing lemon, which was surprisingly allowed by the officials, for Warwick wore dark yellow and thus Morris reappeared after the break wearing icing pink. Nice, Mozza, very nice…

IT WAS ON MY BUCKET LIST TO GO INSIDE HERE.
NO CHANCE NOW, THOUGH... 

And so, after the pancake, sorry, COIN toss, tentative boots sank into giving turf and fair play to the guests, they did attempt a passing game, although to see a ball haphazardly rolling, bobbling and dodging unaided, with a life of its own towards you with a man about to challenge you from behind, wasn’t the experience skilled players had hoped for. My mind went back to Sutton Coldfield’s all weather pitch the previous Saturday…

RACING CLUB'S WALL-ART FADED ALL BY ITSELF.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, BANKSY...

The visitors snatched a deserved lead when O’Grady and Cox combined neatly on the offensive right, Cox’s centre from the byeline dropped onto Brown’s head and the striker’s downward nod bounced up towards the top right corner of goal, leaving goalie Conal Dowling able only to help the ball into the net. 

TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT?
"I FELL OFF MY CHAIR, BRIAN..."
(FROM A MONTY PYTHON SKETCH...)

Brown was the instigator for the second goal at inside-right, although it was O’Grady who burst onto the loose ball and curled a fine first-time right-footer into the left corner of the net, with Dowling leaping in vain.

Gift Mussa, who was experiencing a quiet game by his standards, moving about tentatively, like I did when I was given my first pair of roller skates, was fouled by the terrier-like home midfielder Chris Hayden, who knew it was his last escape, although another wild tackle soon afterwards on Burgess, who so nearly retaliated, sealed Haden’s fate and a yellow card was displayed to complement his shirt colour.

When the half-time whistle sounded, lots of people retreated to the clubhouse and I saw Brian ‘The Messiah’ Ndlovu warming up. Well, he walked about the pitch a bit in a woolly hat and his ‘Silent Witness’ clobber, before the second period began with Coventry’s players squealing near the centre-spot, like when a bunch of teenage girls do selfies of themselves in the playground…

OFTEN, NON-LEAGUE IS LIKE AN AGRICULTURAL MUSEUM...

Coventry essentially killed the game by netting a crucial third goal when Blythe, performing steadily in midfield and looking far more comfortable moving across the pancake than Mussa, passed for Brown to chase at inside-left. He beat Dowling to the ball, turned and crossed from the left byeline but although Briscoe couldn’t get to the ball, his challenge caused a problem for the hosts, the ball bounced off Tez Morton and there was Cox to latch onto the rebound, sidestep Morton and Laight and then slap a left-footer low into the left corner of the net.

THIS FEATURES IN MY WORST DREAMS: THE WARWICK BOGEY-HOLE...

Burgess and Malley, then Cageman Tommy Glasscoe and home striker Elroy Junior Bennett looked less than pleased with each other, before a bad foul by Jamie Vadasz on O’Grady was not carded but with Coventry seemingly already content with much of their evening’s work, the Racers pulled back a goal. Slack play by Coventry allowed Malley to strike a low drive from inside-right, which struck the falling Morris’ feet but when Mussa blocked Green’s follow-up effort from 18 yards, the speed of Laight’s thought shuffled the ball to the unmarked Morton on his left and the winger shot low into the far corner of the net beyond Morris for a good finish.

A PLACE TO SIT AND REMAIN DRY.
NOTHING MORE IS ASKED...

Brian ‘The Messiah’ Ndlovu appeared, not walking on water, merely on a pancake, which wouldn’t have impressed bible readers quite so much I reckon. Warwick’s final real chance was then missed, after a plucky run by English at inside-right, whose low pass was nudged goalwards by Laight, only for Morris to drop and get a touch on the ball and for the frowning Burgess to scramble it from his goal-line. With that chance, the Racers slowed and The Cagemen fastened their hatches, yet actually missed chances to add further goals themselves.

Credit to Warwick for getting the game on, credit to the Racers for really having a go at The Cagemen, despite being two goals adrift and credit to Coventry for their sheer hard work in overcoming a determined opponent on a very soft pitch. Rich Morris was the lemon on his pancake, the result for United was the sugar on theirs but when I returned to my car, a ball had bounced off my windscreen, leaving a pancake-sized muddy ring. 

This spectacle took my mind off The Bodging, who should have been in my bag, but of course, when I joined the M40, placed a hand in my bag and realised he wasn’t there, I panicked… Fortunately I was able to call Coventry manager Edwin Greaves, who kindly walked back out across the pancake and located the badger, apparently still sitting on the red chair where he’d been photographed before the match. He’d seen the whole game from a seat in the grandstand… Unbelievable. 

THE ABANDONED BODGING...

The Bodging went home with Edwin and I received a photo to prove this, demonstrating how warm and comfortable he was… 

THE RESCUED BODGING...

Thanks, Edwin…

TEAMS:

RACING CLUB WARWICK:

Conal Dowling, Connor Nowaczyk, Jamie Vadasz, Chris Hayden, Tom Reynolds (Capt), Ash Buswell, Terence Morton, Tom Evans, Elroy Junior Bennett, Wade Malley, Will Green.

SUBS:

Jake Brown, Adam Laight, Cam Knight, Ash English, Frankie Baigent.

COVENTRY UNITED:

Rich Morris, Tommy Glasscoe, Ben Vallance, Rich Blythe, Martin Hutchcox, Callum Burgess, Josh O’Grady, Gift Mussa, Ross Briscoe, Matt Brown, Chris Cox (Capt).

SUBS:

Pierre Moudime, Kai Williams, Brian Ndlovu, Muzi Nduna, David Allen.