BURNHAM FC 0-6 THATCHAM TOWN: FULL REPORT & IMAGES...

Whilst Ferdinand Powered Thatcham To The Pinnacle, The Sun Shone Not At All For Struggling Burnham…

Burnham FC 0-6 Thatcham Town

I saw Burnham play at Woodley some months back, where a couple of strikes by Jordan Dowdican, who interestingly was watching the game against Thatcham, won the match for the Blues. He is, I believe, a Flacker now but in truth the only three names remaining on the Burnham team-sheet for this match from that cold Monday evening in Reading were central defenders Tom Kemp, his side-kick Dan Wilson and forward Calvin Morgan. Remarkable… Paul Shone has been forced to wrench his team from being tailed off at the foot of the league table into a competing outfit and he had done so rather well; until Thatcham came to town, that is. The FA Vase finalists, minus suspended top goalscorer Shane Cooper-Clark pummelled Burnham right from the start and had it not been for some good goalkeeping by Mike Rundle and some desperate defending mainly by Wilson and Kemp, the scoreline might have been more galling for the hosts. 

MR HAPPY PLAYS LINESMAN...

Indeed, Liam Ferdinand grabbed a hat-trick, completing it in the final minute and the ex-Binfield man, cup-tied for Vase matches, having played in one match for Bracknell of course, was in fine form. The hosts never really got to grips with the fulcrum that was the Thatcham skipper, Tom Melledew either, who was constantly involved in the action, alongside the fidgety and harassing Harrison Bayley. He reminded me of an ex-nephew-in-law, Robert Nash, who was always into things, never able to enter a house without fiddling with objects, taking them apart and reassembling them, for Bayley did the annoying things for Town, constantly hassling opponents and always wanting to be near where the ball was. In Ekow Elliott, the visitors also fielded a quick left-winger and his penalty shot was worthy of note, barely striking it and fooling poor Rundle, who simply couldn’t prevent it from bobbling over his goal-line.

FINE NORMAN WISDOM IMPRESSION BY CHRIS RACKLEY...

Worse for Burnham: the away game at Thatcham is scheduled for this coming Tuesday evening…

THE FERD STARTS THE GAME...

Red Kites swooped and soared above The Gore in Burnham and it was like they were Thatcham’s players, circling to take their prey, for pretty soon three corners to the visitors came to little, except that Rundle struggled to touch one of them and Melledew was forced to jog rather a lot to take them all. However, the early goal Thatcham needed, although Burnham didn’t appreciate it, arrived quickly. The hosts had already panicked but managed to clear their lines before Melledew crossed from the right flank and Kemp, the home skipper, facing his own goal stretched but failed to get a touch on the ball which bounced up onto Town striker Ash James’ forehead and flew towards the right side of goal and although Rundle got gloves to the effort, he was only able to push the ball higher into the corner of his net.

PREDATOR: A RED KITE...

PREDATOR: 0-1 & JAMES THE SCORER...

Possession was becoming the key to the match and of course, through the foraging of Bayley and the distribution of Melledew, the guests secured that in abundance. Ferdinand offered Melledew a 26 yard drive which went past the left upright, before a Ferdinand effort was bravely blocked by home defender Aaron Jewell but the left-back was hurt in that incident and would soon be replaced by Dan Taylor. Wilson threw himself in front of a James shot but then finally, finally, a little offense was crated by the hosts. Matt Sinclair’s pass was claimed by Town goalie Chris Rackley as Morgan chased. And then Thatcham struck again…

"DO YOU LIKE MY TATTOOS?"

"NO, I'M TERRIFIED OF SKIN ART..."

A rush inside from the left by Elliott led to a low drive being saved by the falling Rundle and the ‘keeper did so well to scramble about and save a rebound shot from James too, only for the ball to reach the edge of the 18 yard box where Ferdinand won possession, holding off Colin Mugoya and he lifted a careful volley high into the left corner of the net off the fingertips of the unfortunate Rundle.

SOMEBODY WANTS TO PLAY AT LEAP-FROG...

THE FERD HAS BEEN FED...

0-2...

THE SPECTRE HAS OPENED HIS ACCOUNT FOR THE DAY...

In response, Marcus Mealing won a free-kick for Burnham, 20 yards out, right corner of the penalty-box but his delivery was too easily kicked clear by Town and it was left to Sinclair to feed the burly forward Mealing again for a 17 yard strike from that right side of the 18 yard box which zoomed just over the target. Rackley’s long kick set Elliott running on the left-flank for the guests but his low cross-shot was held by the overworked Rundle and then Melledew resumed jogging, being responsible for two of the next three corners won by his team. All three came to nought. Ferdinand always seems to glide into attacking positions, wraith-like and it was his low right-byeline centre which forced Rundle to go low at his near stick and block well with his feet from the hovering James.

PAUL SHONE: UNIMPRESSED...

ARE THESE FELLOWS ON THE CATWALK?

The third goal seemed inevitable and it came following a penalty claim when a Joe Blount flick struck Wilson’s arm but almost immediately, Bayley, in on everything like that annoying kid in your class, fell under a challenge from Kemp and a spot-kick was awarded anyway. Elliott grabbed the ball like it was his own and he needed to get home for his tea, placed it on the white spot and tricked Rundle, who fell to his left, by simply shoving a gentle shot straight into the middle of goal, leaving the goalie flailing like he was caught in a fisherman’s net and unable to prevent the ball from rolling into the other, more meaningful net… 

0-3...

ELLIOTT ECHOES (GET IT? HIS NAME'S EKOW...)
FRANK SINATRA'S "I DID IT MY WAY..."

A quick Thatcham free-kick found Elliott but the ball bobbled wide off his boot, Ferdinand sprayed a pass right to the energetic Blount, whose centre was bundled wide of the near post for yet another corner by a combination of Rundle and the battered Wilson and this time the set-piece by Melledew saw Moran get in a deft shot but Rundle raised a gloved hand to pat away the effort. Burnham? Well, er, the hardworking right-back Alfie Grant was cautioned for a foul on Curtis Angell, the Town left-back, who was always so available, rather like his right-back partner Mike Miller. And that was all, really…

"WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, ALFIE?"
YELLOW CARD, ACTUALLY...

THE PLAYERS EXIT FOR A MUG OF  BOVRIL & A CORNISH PASTY.
(NOT REALLY...)

And thus the opening period ended. Paul Shone’s stern expression had not altered and continued right until the end of the match. It must have been a tough half to witness, for his team had produced just one shot, whereas their illustrious guests had really stretched his team, like Gunpowder plotters on the rack… Confident play from all over the pitch had launched Thatcham into an unassailable lead and that lead would double by the end of the encounter.

PAUL SHONE: STILL STERN...

AT THE RESTART CALVIN MORGAN STUDIES THE BALL, FOR HE'D NOT RECEIVED ANY REAL SERVICE OF IT THUS FAR BUT AT LEAST HE NOW RECOGNISES WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE...

Immediately following the restart, Elliott rushed at Alfie Grant again, cut inside but shot straight to Rundle and then Town began to exploit the inside-left channel which would offer them several opportunities during the second period. This time it was James who oozed clear but Rundle advanced to make a good save, before a late challenge by Wilson which he despaired of, earned him a booking. Elliott then slipped a pass into that inside-left gap past three defenders but Ferdinand’s low left-booter rolled a yard wide of the right upright. A smart pass by Melledew allowed Blount to get towards the right byeline but his low delivery beat all of his colleagues and then the guests netted their fourth goal.

MIKE RUNDLE: DID SO WELL FOR BURNHAM...

WILSON IS CAUTIONED FOR A POOR IMPRESSION OF A STRING PUPPET...

Elliott knocked a pass back for Angell to play long towards James and in turn Elliott fastened onto the ball, hustled past both Jack Byerley and Kemp then fed The Ferd at inside-left but this time the forward slipped his low left-footer just inside the right upright. 

THE FERD AND ELLIOTT QUITE LIKE COUNTRY DANCING...

0-4 NOW...

JOYLAND...

A Moran pass nutmegged the referee but then suddenly Burnham exploited the inside-left slot at the opposite end, with a pass from Alfie Grant to Byerley, whose 19 yard shot was flicked away splendidly to his left by the diving Rackley at the expense of a corner, which was headed past the left post by Kemp. A James touch set up Elliott for a 25 yard volley which probably threatened several vehicles in the car-park, before both Melledew and Blount were replaced by Harry Grant and Jemel Johnson and the latter was soon in the action, following passes by Ferdinand and Bayley. Johnson’s final touch rebounded back onto the winger off the advancing Rundle and away for a goal-kick. A low delivery by James from the left towards Ferdinand and Moran was actually fired at goal by Johnson from 8 yards but Rundle reacted so well to dive down to his right and turn aside the ball.

JARRA, RIGHT: UNTROUBLED...

Morgan had already been replaced by Burnham’s Ally Abdul but soon Ethan Grant entered the fray in place of Mealing, meaning three Grants were competing at the same time. After James had moved inside from the left, his shot swerved away for a throw to the hosts on their defensive left and James was quickly replaced by Ross Cook. Ferdinand almost put in Cook immediately, then an Elliott cross evaded his supporting team-mates, before a long punt by Rackley offered Cook a lobbed chance from inside-right but Rundle caught the effort into his midriff. Cook worked that inside-left channel himself next but pulled his shot off target. He did score however from another long Rackley kick, which the substitute guided past the outrushing Rundle from inside-right and his low drive entered the net just inside the left upright.

0-5...

GOAL FOR COOK...

Burnham survived more pressure from the wing-play of Elliott, who soon drove too high following a short free-kick; Cook and Johnson then both nodded on another Rackley clearance but from the inside-right channel, Ferdinand’s attempt to claim a hat-trick was wrecked by the base of the left post. Johnson reached another head-on by Cook but his shot was well saved yet again by Rundle. However, Ferdinand would not be denied and in the closing moments, his third goal stemmed from a very unusual lead-up.

THE FERD'S THIRD HAS BEEN SCORED...

The Burnham-worrying Bayley passed to Elliott at, er, inside-left (where else?) and the wide-man cut right and fired his low shot against the base of that left post, just like The Ferd had done earlier. The ball flew close to the byeline towards the left corner-flag, chased by Rundle but the impressive Angell got in front of the ‘keeper and fell at the extremity of the penalty-box as the goalie kicked the ball. Angell claimed a penalty but to his indignation, no spot-kick was awarded, although some home players wanted a caution to be given Angell for ‘diving’ in their opinions. However, as Angell was protesting his innocence, the ball had rolled out of play for a throw to the visitors and suddenly the surprised Angell found it at his feet from Elliott’s throw-in. His instincts were keen though, for he dragged the ball back to completely wrong-foot both Alfie Grant and Sinclair before reaching the byeline and delivering a low centre right onto the foot of Ferdinand, who was storming into the 6 yard area and his low drive smacked into the net past Rundle from 5 yards. And thus The Ferd had his third… 

0-6...

...& THE FERD'S DAY IS COMPLETE...

There was no time for more and Thatcham’s job was complete, featuring The Ferd’s trio, Elliott’s threat, Miller’s and Angell’s supporting play from the full-back positions, the controlling midfield performance level of Melledew and of course the totally incessant irritation to Shone’s men, Bayley… Defenders Moran and the vociferous Bab Jarra weren’t really threatened in truth and subsequently spent a comfortable afternoon at the unpleasantly named Gore…

Alfie Grant knew he’d worked hard for Burnham, Kemp was committed and Wilson really effective in defence but in midfield, neither Usman Lalustani, nor Mugoya could compete with the likes of Bayley or Melledew. Byerley managed a decent second period but the forwards were obviously starved of any quality service from their well beaten team-mates.

And thus the Red Kites of Thatcham swooped to claim their three-point prey and the successful season simply goes on. And on…

I nattered to The Ferd after the game finished and really, he is such a pleasant and unassuming guy. Paul Shone must have been totally dispirited afterwards however and he now has to prepare for the return fixture at Thatcham in a couple of days’ time… 

Watch for those circling Red Kites, Burnham… 

It’s what they do…

TEAMS:

BURNHAM FC:

MIKE RUNDLE, ALFIE GRANT, AARON JEWELL, COLIN MUGOYA, TOM KEMP (CAPT), DAN WILSON, USMAN LALUSTANI, JACK BYERLEY, MATT SINCLAIR, MARCUS MEALING, CALVIN MORGAN.

SUBS:

DAN TAYLOR, ALLY ABDUL, ETHAN GRANT.

THATCHAM TOWN:

CHRIS RACKLEY, MIKE MILLER, CURTIS ANGELL, TOM MELLEDEW (CAPT), BAB JARRA, TOM MORAN, JOE BLOUNT, HARRISON BAYLEY, GAVIN JAMES, LIAM FERDINAND, EKOW ELLIOTT.

SUBS:

HARRY GRANT, DAN RAPLEY, GARETH THOMAS, ROSS COOK, JEMEL JOHNSON.