FLASHBACK TO 2013 & CADBURY ATHLETIC 3-3 ALVIS... THE COVERAGE IS CHOCOLATE FLAVOURED...

 Alvis Boost Title Chances As Cadbury’s Defence Melts Away

Cadbury Athletic 3 Alvis 3…

Alvis began this game like proper Charlies in the chocolate factory, soon finding themselves 2-0 behind to a quicker, more thoughtful Athletic team. A Time Out was needed but after that break, Jones managed to Fudge a bouncing ball and Cadbury netted a third. The Tankmen, despite the game being no Picnic for them, would not Rolover, fighting back, pushing the right Buttons and forcing a late Flurry to prove that when it comes to the Crunchie, Alvis usually seem to steal the Bounty. The time was After Eight, the drizzle had worsened, the type of weather which Mars such a spectacle, darkness began to creep in but Heroes always fight to the end and when replacement Falconer Whipped in a free-kick, a scramble ensued and the equalising goal was scored to Flake Cadbury’s hopes.

An early left-wing centre saw home skipper Deeming leap to head downwards but Roach fell to gather, then, with Alvis shoddy at the back, the pace of Parker and Houston began to harass Tagba and Matty Taylor. O’Kane, wandering Minstrel Jephcott and Harris were struggling in midfield for the visitors and Jordan was being forced back, as the wily Deeming made inroads on the Cadbury right. Yet, Maguire, who looked out of Allsorts on the night, wriggled free at inside-right but clipped his low delivery across the face of goal. Parker raced onto a Parkes header and embarrassed Matty Taylor towards the left byeline, only for midfielder Carline to slice his 17 yard shot horribly wide. Smikle, who, to be fair, fought hard all evening in attack, read a bounce well but smacked his volley straight at goalie Hayes.

Smikle spread a fine pass wide to the right towards Harris but the winger messed up at the byeline, to the anguish of the frustrated coaching staff. Cadbury netted soon afterwards and the finish from Houston wasn’t rocket science, a smart shot from inside-left, which curled past the diving Roach into the bottom right corner of the Alvis net. Award a Crème Egg to that chap… 

1-0...

Houston went close again, from Cooke’s left-wing cross, following a clearance by Tagba but he side-footed his jumping effort wide of the far post. The second goal was imminent, for Cadbury’s guile was too alarming for the sluggish Tankmen, seemingly bogged down in a bed of soft chocolate. A left-wing corner saw Parkes and Taylor jump at the near post, both missed the ball, which bounced towards Deeming at the far post, who missed it as well but O’Kane headed it off the goal-line. The ball flew back across the 6 yard box and with Taylor on his knees, Parkes jumped over Evans in the general hesitation and headed at goal, where Roach leapt but could only tip the effort into the roof of his net. Seven defenders and a goalie failed to shackle four opponents, one of whom was not involved at all… Hmm, the manager was Chomping at the bit… 

2-0 & GOALIE ROACH IS LIKE A FLYING FISH...

Alvis’ defence had crumbled like it had trodden on a box of Milk Tray and a determined fight-back was needed. Even one of the watching Hampton players looked perplexed. A sliced effort by home defender Shelton fell at Deeming’s feet, wrong-footing the Alvis defence but Roach raced from goal to deny the home skipper bravely. O’Kane, really not himself, failed to reach Jordan’s threaded pass, then Smikle’s long shot was deflected for a corner but it did seem that Alvis were beginning to rouse themselves, like goal-hungry Walsall Wood striker Bilgimer does when he is offered some Turkish Delight. Jordan hesitated when Maguire’s flick set him up for a shot and messed up but at the opposite end, Roach fielded a 23 yard free-kick from livewire Parker. Smikle, then Jordan, who should have taken a shot himself, combined to feed Maguire but the quiet forward lost possession.

O’Kane finally found an incisive pass but Smikle, at inside-right somehow skewed his effort rather like a Curly Wurly across the face of goal. Evans’ astute free-kick from the left found the head of Jeffcott, so far above the home defence it was like seeing a motor coach next to a Double Decker bus, but the languid midfielder squandered the opportunity by glancing his effort wide. With the visitors on top but still performing like a rusted tractor, Evans headed the ball forward to Smikle, who turned but shot into another Galaxy. This sitting-back by Athletic meant that the speed of the Cadbury players in attack could be lethal and poor defensive work by Alvis led to Parker playing the ball into danger but the clearance fell to Deeming, who fired badly wide.

Jordan nearly put Maguire in, then Hayes punched a Taylor free-kick out but Evans was unable to keep his sliced volley down. As the half-time Kit-Kat neared, a Parker left-wing corner curled in towards the far post, where Deeming deemed it necessary to shoulder Jordan in the back, allowing him a free downward header but O’Kane blocked well, Twixt goalie and post. That was a foul, clearly. Tagba completed the clearance.

Certainly, Alvis needed a couple of Yorkies apiece, as they licked their wounds at the interval, or possibly even their noses… Kelly would replace Harris, unsurprisingly but with that abrasive Athletic pace on offense, one could only see one outcome in this game, in relation to the visitors’ tired performance. Even the appearance of a military Chinook before the match had failed to inspire the Tankmen.

Incredibly, within minutes of the restart, Maguire’s free-kick was caught under no pressure at all by Hayes, he booted the ball away, Dale Jones missed the bounce of the ball by so much, it could have been orbiting the Milky Way and Houston needed no invitation to rush forward and bury a low shot past the shocked Roach. 3-0 and no way back. Surely?

3-0 & A LINESMAN LOOKS ECSTATIC...

For some reason, Maguire chose not to shoot from a free-kick and Tagba simply failed to control the ball then shot hopelessly wide, before Alvis made substitutions: Falconer for O’Kane and then the M & Ms: McKiernan for Maguire. Evans did well to block Cooke’s drive then the left-back’s centre was won in the air too easily by Deeming at the far stick, Roach was ill-positioned and was fortunate that the home skipper could find no power and the goalie jumped to catch the ball. Then, the tide turned. Kelly was manhandled in the penalty-area, Deeming was cautioned and Evans shot a calm penalty into the bottom left corner of the net.

3-1...

Now the resurgence began in earnest; Smikle passed to an offside Kelly, who held up, allowing Smikle to get onto his own pass but Kelly couldn’t reach the ensuing cross and Jeffcott simply watched it. Butcher, a great name for a Cadbury player, replaced the now less effective Carline and then Alvis angered their manager. From their own throw in the Cadbury half, Falconer was dispossessed by the very possessed Parkes and Butcher was allowed to run, unchallenged at inside-right, failing with his cross-shot badly. The miss was to be telling, for moments later, Jordan, finally, took on full-back Brooks and won a left-wing corner, which he took. A Malteaser of a cross drew out Hayes to punch but Kelly leapt, like a Twirling salmon to glance a fine header down into the bottom right corner of the net. 

3-2: KELLY'S HEADER...

Game definitely on! Tagba was penalised for a foul but Parker fired a firm shot way off target, before he was replaced and proceeded to kick the back section of the home dugout. He struck that really well, though… A neat right-wing centre by Houston was well controlled at 18 yards, left edge of the penalty-box by Parkes, who was too loosely covered by Falconer but the forward’s excellent volley dipped just over Roach’s crossbar. And then the finale… Kelly ran into the penalty-box and was hauled down from behind by Cordell Jones, one of the three players named Jones on the team-sheets, but the challenge was surely inside the area! Incredibly, Brooks had handled the ball too and after all the arguing which took place in those last-minute Revels, the referee awarded a 19 yard free-kick to Alvis. The linesman present simply failed to respond to Wispas that the offence had been INside the penalty-box, then looked rather embarrassed at the Topic of accusations by spectators and Houston was cautioned, as the official was forced to sort out more shoving and nasty schoolboy bullying, before the free-kick could be taken.

When the free-kick was finally taken by Falconer, who looked so confident, the effort was dreadful, hardly struck with the roar of a Lion but somehow it squeezed through the defensive wall, went loose and substitute McKiernan became the Star Bar, slotting home in a melee. The score was 3-3, and of course, Vice Versa, it was, er, 3-3 as well… The Alvis management team enjoyed the Treet of snatching a promotion point from the drowning vat of a Cadbury defeat and everybody went home to Munchie their dinners.

3-3 & THE EQUALISER WOULD COME FROM THIS UNTIDY FREE-KICK...

Evans again battled hard for the visitors, Kelly and Smikle worked with aplomb too but several Alvis players performed poorly and only the collapse of Cadbury’s defensive cover, like a cracked Dairy Milk Easter egg, saved the Tankmen’s blushes.

Life at the top is never a bed of Roses, so it was off for Old Jamaica and a rum evening in…