FLASHBACK TO 2015-16 & MICKLEOVER SPORTS 3-1 RAMSBOTTOM UNITED...

Shorthanded Mickleover Punish Thrice-Mugged Rammy... (2016-16 season)

Mickleover Sports 3-1 Ramsbottom United

When I am driving on the M5 towards the south-west and am forced to overtake a car hauling a caravan, I often begin to sing the jingle: “Don Amott, King of Caravans…” It’s what I do. So to see Don Amott’s Kingdom advertised all around Mickleover’s ground brought a smile to my face. When I played cricket in the same adult team as my two nephews-in-law and we took a wicket, we often broke into the jingle too. OK, it simply wasn’t cricket to do such things, but hey, it made US laugh anyway… Ramsbottom, rock-bottom, arrived at Mickleover, whose home-form hasn’t been too great, with hopes of grabbing points I’m sure but after missing early chances, a fast break left them a goal adrift at the interval. A dismissal for home replacement Jay Cooper, within moments of emerging onto the pitch, gave Rammy impetus and they scored a brilliant equaliser, only to then ease back somehow, get caught by two more fast attacks and lose 3-1. Their coaching staff must have fumed. Mickleover looked delighted, understandably.

Harry the Duck had travelled south in his United apparel as a warm-up for a duck-race up north the following day and he met The Bodging, my badger, for an historic photograph, shown below. My days really do get weirder… And weirder…

THE BODGING LOOKS SLIGHTLY OVERAWED...

The players were on the pitch but it was noticed that no flags had been put out, meaning an embarrassing rush around for Mickleover staff, before the officials could begin the game. Nico DeGirolamo and Dwayne Wiley, the home central defenders were the only Sports players I remembered from my last visit, but Nico’s hairstyle had changed dramatically… Rammy won two early corners then Alex Meaney drove in a right-booter from 20 yards, which home ‘keeper Ross Durrant flipped upwards then patted over his crossbar to safety. Another Meaney corner from the left was headed powerfully at goal by Rammy left-back Dylan Smith but with Durrant beaten, home defender Jake Bennett headed the ball off his own goal-line. Visiting defender Kevin McGrath’s rebound shot was blocked but Tom Coulson’s follow-up effort drifted well wide. The ‘keeper’s incredulous expression after this series of events reminded me of a surprised Pink Panther: Durrant, Durrant; Durrant, Durrant, Durrant…

Rammy forward Cameron Horner, who was impressive on occasions with his deft turns, allowing him to glide away from home defenders, made a good move to the left byeline but his delivery flew into the side-netting, before Coulson and Luke Heron worked to offer a shot to striker Steve Foster, whose finishing disappointed even himself during the afternoon and on this occasion, he drove too high from 15 yards. A warning as to the pace of Sports’ Jake Green was sounded, as the forward broke through a static Rammy defence at inside-left but his final touch was loose and visiting skipper and goalie Grant Shenton collected the ball. Shenton was loud throughout, constantly bellowing from the back and one advance saw him connect with a Mickleover punt with a superb volleyed clearance. Not as good as a warm-up header he powered into the net off an upright, however…

A loose clearance by Phil Edghill for Rammy led to the tall but not broad Jack Broadhead gaining possession for the hosts but Kevin McGrath scythed him down to earn a deserved caution. After the free-kick was wasted by Sports, Rammy cleared the ball left to Horner, whose turn on the touchline fooled DeGirolamo, then as Horner ran on, the Mickleover defender hacked him down and he too entered the referee’s notebook. Meaney’s free-kick was cleared but Foster’s volley flew straight to Durrant. Smith cleared the ball, after Broadhead had crossed from the left byeline but it flew to John McGrath, once of Aston Villa, watched by me and liked by my daughter Lucy, but his wild shot was well off target. John was to become the influential performer in the Mickleover midfield as the match moved on.

Horner failed to get a touch to a right-side centre by the lively Danny Wilkins for the visitors, then the massive Nia Bayunu pushed Green but although the free-kick came to nought, suddenly and quite unexpectedly, like your caravan has just blown over in a Cornish gale, Mickleover took the lead. Zeph Thomas, who had been well marshalled by Bayunu and Kevin McGrath thus far, hooked the ball forward, Green found himself in an onside position, raced forth, rounded Shenton and slipped the ball into an unguarded goal. 1-0 and Rammy had been mugged once…

GREEN ROUNDS THE 'KEEPER...

...& CELEBRATES HIS GOAL...

Andy Dales, hard-working and eager, made a short left-side break but his shot was batted away by Shenton and then the Rammy manager, keen to stop the long-ball kicking his team had reverted to, yelled angrily: “I say, chaps, would you mind refraining from launching the pig’s bladder too far? Thanks chums…” (What he actually bellowed was: “Stop f……’ humpin’ it. Get it down…“) A Meaney shot was blocked for Rammy, a left-flank Heron cross was blocked too but as the half faded into history, Green did well on the left for Sports but the crowded Thomas was unable to do more than trickle a shot for Shenton to pick up.

The interval arrived, people sat outside their caravans, boiled kettles on their Gaz stoves and ate horrific crab sandwiches without vinegar on pink plastic plates. Little Cam Horner probably sat in a corner of the dressing room, hopefully not scoffing a pie, Alex Meaney wondered who Alex Meanes on the teamsheet was and Dr Foster, nowhere near Gloucester, wondered whether his shooting would improve after the break. It didn’t. Mickleover would surely discuss their speedy forwards’ ability to cause mayhem and this would prove crucial, as the hosts exploited more lax Rammy defending in the latter stages of the second period.

Two early Sports corners caused some worries for the guests and although Wiley failed to get a touch on the first, Shenton grabbed the second and set his team on the attack. Wilkins fed Horner to the left, who cut inside and saw his low drive turned away for a corner by the alert Durrant. Meaney failed to deliver a decent free-kick properly from a good position, the quiet but potentially lively home midfielder Andre Olukanmi was hurt in a chase and soon replaced by Nial Thompson but Horner made fine ground again for the visitors and entered the right side of the 18 yard box, before appearing to be fouled. The ball rolled on to Foster anyway but again his finishing deserted him and his rising clipped shot from 12 yards was off target again. Rammy were pushing hard for parity, Dales was replaced by Cooper for the hosts and then after a Meaney free-kick was cleared, a couple of right-side centres by Edghill caused problems for Sports, the second of which was headed over the crossbar by Bayunu.

The game erupted when Cooper ran towards the touchline and attempted a challenge on Foster, who reacted to the high boot of the solid Sports substitute with a yell and a roll. It looked a poor challenge, several players crowded around the young referee and he felt it necessary to dismiss Cooper. I wondered whether a caution might have been more fitting, for Foster was soon up and about but I wasn’t officiating and it wasn’t my call. This offered some incentive to the visitors and they soon scored a magnificent equaliser.

Good skills by both Wilkins and Luke Heron led to a diving header away by a home defender, where Edghill picked up the loose ball, shovelled it out towards the bearded Meaney and he simply moved onto the pass and smacked it left-footed into the top right corner of the net from 25 yards. A superb strike. 

MEANEY TAKES THE HIT FROM DOWNTOWN...

...& THE SHOT SCORCHES INTO THE MICKLEOVER NET...

CELEBRATION 1...

CELEBRATON 2...

A second goal for Rammy looked on the cards when Meaney’s free-kick from the right was punched at by Durrant but the ball flew off his glove upwards and towards his goal, where Edghill jumped to try to head the ball into the net from 2 yards. Only he didn’t, for his header rose over the crossbar, to his own consternation. Jake Cliffe replaced Coulson for the guests, Horner was again fouled on the right but no decision was forthcoming by either referee or linesman and his cross was overhit. Finally, Mickleover managed to apply some offense and it was John McGrath’s deep free-kick which was met by DeGirolamo’s flying header but the ball bounced across goal and past the left upright. A weak Horner header from Foster’s left-side cross seemed to point to Rammy going for the win although they had lost a little of their ascendancy, but once again, pace undid them…

John McGrath’s header forward saw Thomas and Cliffe challenge; whoever’s touch it was sent an unmarked Thompson running clear at inside-left and he, like Green before him, took on the advancing Shenton, rounded him shimmying left and slipped the ball into the unguarded net. 2-1 and Rammy had been mugged twice…

THOMPSON SCORES FOR SPORTS...

THEY SEEM PLEASED...

Loose control by Edghill allowed Thompson to outrun Bayunu on the left but when his low centre was deflected goalwards by Kevin McGrath, Shenton was forced into a fine diving save, low to his left. Zak Hargreaves replaced Edghill almost immediately but from a right-side short corner, Thomas bundled John McGrath’s delivery wide of the near post. Nyambu Dinanga replaced Thomas for the hosts and his impact was stunning, as Cliffe and a colleague failed to clear Wiley’s long clearance properly some yards inside their own half, Thompson fastened onto the ball and with the right-flank ‘awning (Don Amott, King of Caravans, don’t you know…) the substitute ran to the byeline, crossed low and Dinanga converted from a yard or so, leaving Rammy mugged for a third time, their resolve broken totally. 

DINANGA TURNS IN GOAL 3...

...& IT'S GAME OVER...

It remained only for a quick free-kick by the hosts to offer Green a 20 yard shooting chance, which flew wide of the left stick and the game was called to a halt. Mickleover certainly took their chances; a local guy told me how surprised he was at Rammy’s football ability and reckoned they had been one of the better teams that had played at the ‘Don Amott’ this season. Maybe the pace in attack was the difference but the chances missed at crucial times, coupled with some alarmingly unresponsive defending three times let the team down rather badly. 

Rammy’s fans sang about ‘Que sera, sera, wherever we go, we go; we’re going to Clitheroe, que sera, sera…’ By Don Amott caravan, no doubt… As my dad once said, after falling out of a caravan at Mawgan Porth in Cornwall: “I thought I detected rather a high drop…” And drop Ramsbottom surely will…  

Me? Meal at Cafe Saffron in Knowle, because, after all, it’s what I do…  

TEAMS:

MICKLEOVER SPORTS:

Ross Durrant, Liam Marsden, Jake Bennett, Jack Broadhead, Dwayne Wiley, Nico DeGirolamo (Capt), Andy Dales, Andre Olukanmi, Zeph Thomas, John McGrath, Jake Green.

SUBS:

Nyambu Dinanga, Nial Thompson, Jay Cooper, Joe Fitzpatrick, Dom McGarr.

RAMSBOTTOM UNITED:

Grant Shenton (Capt), Phil Edghill, Dylan Smith, Kevin McGrath, Nia Bayunu, Tom Coulson, Dan Wilkins Alex Meaney, Steve Foster, Cam Horner, Luke Heron.

SUBS:

Jon Pritchard, Zak Hargreaves, Jake Cliffe.