BEING ON THE OUTSIDE... (What it's like watching the Temple Balsall badgers...)

 Being On The Outside…

Mild threat was always enough in company for me to behave

And speak only when I was spoken to.

My father reiterated it. Again. And yet again.

Being on the outside of things meant that I watched shyly,

Assimilated conversations, catchphrases and the behaviour

Of family members at occasional gatherings, wryly.

But there was no-one with whom to discuss my observations,

As an only child with a smile but with a countenance seemingly grave… 

Mild fear was always enough in company for me to opt out

And watch others let go, whilst I stood back to rue

My father’s words, ingrained. Again. And yet again.

Being on the fringes of the action meant that I watched intently

The interactions, faces and the demeanour

Of companions at social gatherings and politely

Smiled. But I had only myself with whom to mull over my considerations.

And as an only child with a smile, my self esteem remained in doubt…

Mild fascination was enough in the badgers’ company for me to feel fortunate

 But I remained hushed and perfectly still, on cue.  

I watched the mammals feed. Again. And again.

Being at the edge of the copse meant that I watched, immensely

Captivated, humbled, yet respectful and in their favour.

I studied the creatures, largely ignorant of my presence and rightly

Curious, as I studied and filmed them, forming my deliberations

Like an only child with a smile, being on the outside but also somehow intimate…   

Pete Ray

29th June 2023…

Watching the Temple Balsall badgers reminded me of being a kid again and being expected to be quiet until spoken to in company and merely being a spectator, usually in silence…

The fear of punishment, generally verbal by my father, left me reluctant to take part in things. 

Later in life however, despite still feeling like an outsider much of the time, at least the shyness has faded on the surface and I guess I have become a total pain in the arse…  

Inclusivity though has never included me…