LONGLEVENS AFC 2-2 FLACKWELL HEATH: FULL, LIGHTHEARTED MATCH REPORT...

Flackers Hauled Back By the Longleggings…

Longlevens AFC 2-2 Flackwell Heath

I arrived at the Sawmills and wondered about Longlevens’ name… Was it from the Roman era and its description as ‘Colonia Glevensis’? Or did it derive from its Victorian/Edwardian farmstead days, when there were eleven houses here, all with long gardens, hence ‘Long Elevens’? Whatever its roots, I was welcomed I believe by home skipper Craig Martin, who took my cash, didn’t show me a long garden, or offer me any salt, which Roman soldiers were often paid with, nor did he admit to being any kind of Centurion (I’d know, I’ve been one…) but being in charge as the Decanus, his Contubernium of eight men plus a few spares certainly entered into combat against their attacking Heathens with real zeal and the encounter provided clashes, goals and a host of near misses, as Levens battled back from a 0-2 deficit to regain parity and in truth, either team could have won, although a rather dismissive refereeing performance certainly affected the proceedings for both sets of troops. 

THE HEATHEN & THE ROMAN APPROACH ONE ANOTHER...

Flackwell were often susceptible to the Longlevens tactic of taking quick free-kicks and with the bullish Brad Martin in attack, bullying the Heathens like a Centurion wielding his vine-stick, the guests never really felt welcome and despite their numerous goal attempts, the Flackers looked vulnerable too and thus it did seem that both teams could have lost the encounter badly, yet both teams could just as easily have won it well also. 

WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE PICTURES OF BORING AERIAL DUELS?

Flackwell were in some disarray early on when Craig Martin reached the left byeline for Levens and only a stern interception by the tall Dan Bayliss (the left-back in a right-back position) for his team at the near post prevented a calamity. Busy home forward Shaun O’Connor was finding too much space to work in for the hosts and he drove wide from 25 yards, as the Flackers dug in. The only real threat from the visitors was a low delivery, right to left by Liam Tack, in a Flack attack but Levens squandered a great chance to open the scoring when Mitch Woodward (the right-back in a left-back position… What was going on?) was beaten to the inside by the often rapid, sometimes tricky Levens wide-player Darren Ofoe, whose left-boot centre was headed over a gaping goal by O’Connor, unmarked at the far upright. 

BRAD THREATENS MITCH...

Tack wasted a low volley, which flew well wide of the right stick but his team soon capitalised upon a strange moment for resilient home defender Ed Smyllie, who looked more like Ed Sulkie when Jamie Essex, playing in Gloucestershire, opened the scoring. Bayliss swung over a cross from deep left, the ball bounced and surprised Smyllie, soaring over him, like it had rebounded from a trampette and Essex controlled it, turned past Craig Beaton, who was beaten and deposited a low shot past home ‘keeper Ollie Hall into the bottom right corner of the net.

0-1: & SMYLLIE (5) DREADS THE WRATH OF HIS CENTURION...

GOAL FOR ESSEX, ER, BUCKINGHAMSHIRE, ER, FLACKWELL HEATH?

A FORLORN HALL...

Before Brad Martin booted a curling shot over the target for Levens, Flacker, Bayliss had leapt to beat Hall to an Adam Morris free-kick from the right but the ball rose too high and with Longlevens looking shaken, the visitors struck again from a corner by Morris which wasn’t cleared properly. The ball reached Dan Molloy near the edge of the 18 yard box and although his shot was certainly going to pass well wide of the left post, Flacker skipper Ben Sturgess was switched on enough to steer the ball out of his feet past the helpless Hall and into that bottom right corner of the net again.

THE FOULED STURGESS ESCAPES STAGE RIGHT...

DAN BURNELL: "WHAT ABOUT THE PUSH ON ME? DON'T YOU LIKE ME? I'M REALLY NICE. ASK STURGESS, OR GRITT..."

0-2 & THE AMAZING DANCING STURGESS HAS ADDED TO THE LEVENS' WOES...

O’Connor was blocked off by Flackwell but it came as a surprise when the hosts grabbed a lifeline and in truth, the Heathen defence was not blameless. A free-kick from the inside-right channel was floated towards the far post and visiting goalie Dan Weait moved towards the ball but realised he wouldn’t make it, leaving Smyllie to smile again and nod the ball into the middle. Woodward raised his hands but the ball dropped over them and Ofoe’s low connection was just across the goal-line before James Tripp, Tom Willment and Tack could scramble the ball clear. A poor goal for the Flackers to concede but one that Levens so needed.

OFOE IS ME... NO CELEBRATION???

1-2 NOW...

Beaton received a caution for the hosts, before Tack’s clever low free-kick from inside-right, past the shocked Hall, struck the inside of the near upright, before being hacked clear and immediately Levens broke, only for Brad Martin’s flying right-footer on the turn to be tipped over his crossbar by the leaping Weait. The referee was culpable on a few occasions of not reacting to some blatant pushes by both teams yet whistling for others and when Ofoe clearly shoved Tripp, who, er, tripped near the attacking right byeline, the winger fed O’Connor, who really ought to have scored. His low left-footer beat Weait but the bearded Briton Willment stuck out a stretching left boot to deflect the effort away from goal. Willment seemed to hurt himself in the process…

WOODWARD FINDS TIME TO PRACTISE HIS CABER TOSSING...
REALLY?

THE DECANUS APPEARS TO HAVE LOST HIS CONTUBURNIUM...

DAN BURNELL: "REF, CAN I PLEASE HAVE A FREE-KICK? I WAS PUSHED AGAIN! IF I DON'T GET ONE, I WILL BE FORCED TO SCREAM A LITTLE LOUDER..."

THE DECANUS HAS FALLEN FROM HIS HORSE...

Essex had an angled drive blocked for Flackwell, before slamming a second delivery across the face of goal where no colleague had ventured to, Levens’ Craig Martin tumbled when well positioned inside the guests’ penalty-box and as the half ended, Willment headed a right-side Bayliss centre wide of the far stick. A busy half certainly, both teams had created chances to score but it always looked like the link play between the Martins would eventually come to fruition and so it would prove. The visitors still too often reacted too slowly to quickly taken free-kicks by the hosts and so the Levens kept doing it, causing some real panic in the Flackwell defence.

"SEE HOW EASILY I DRIBBLED PAST THOSE TWO TACKLING CHAPS? OFOE DIDN'T REALLY TRY, MIND YOU..."

The visitors began the second period quite strongly actually and after Bayliss’ header had dropped harmlessly wide, Dan Burnell curled a left-footer beyond the far post from the right side of the penalty-area, following Bayliss’ free-kick and Essex’s flick-on. Weait then performed a hockey goalie’s save, without the mask, padding and leg-guards, kicking away Smyllie’s header from O’Connor’s free-kick, not taken quickly that time though… Essex dived and landed like he hadn’t realised that the tide had gone out on Mawgan Porth beach but couldn’t quite reach Burnell’s centre from the right and then Levens exploited for the first time what proved to be a second-half weakness through the middle of the Flackwell defence. Ofoe ran clear but in touching the ball past the advancing Weait, he could only watch in horror as he chased, for it rolled away for a goal-kick.

ESSEX: STRANDED LIKE A SEAL ON SOUTHEND BEACH...

Good Tack work for the Heathens allowed Burnell a shot, which he blasted off target, home defender Luke Kavanagh defended Tack superbly, following Morris’ astute pass and from the corner, Morris’ delivery had Hall in trouble but Tripp’s flying volley rose too high from 6 yards. After Molloy was replaced by Matty Stockill for the Flackers, the game then entered a strange period in which each team seemed to take it in turns to mount some offence, with Levens having a go first. Weait collected a header, O’Connor’s 35 yard free-kick dipped too late but in a counter attack, the hosts reaped a reward. Kavanagh struck the ball forward, Ryan Dunn won an aerial duel with Bayliss at inside-right and Craig Martin lifted the loose ball away from Tripp, who, er, tripped and with the Flackwell defence exposed, Willment raced across to cover but was beaten by the Levens’ skipper. Craig simply fed the ball left across the 18 yard box and an exposed defence to Brad, and his shot, off the outside of his left boot, flew low into the left corner of the net from 16 yards, with Weait unable to save it. 

BRAD THE SCORER...

CRAIG THE PROVIDER...
PARITY: 2-2...

So, it was Flackwell’s turn to attack: first, from Tack’s free-kick, Morris’ lob towards the right post saw four Flackers lurking and one of them would surely convert… No. Like four cricketers closing in on a catch and leaving it to each other, not one of Essex, Sturgess, Tripp or Bayliss really went for the kill and the chance went begging. Fine play by Willment, who dribbled skilfully forward with the ball from defence led to Sturgess’ pass for Burnell at inside-left but Hall dived low to turn aside the striker’s effort. From the resulting right-flank Morris corner, Bayliss headed the ball down to Tripp but his lobbed pass drifted wide. 

WILLMENT FEELS THE STRETCHING PAIN...

So, it was Longlevens’ turn next to be offensive: first, Jonty Welch fed a great pass through the middle of the visiting defence and freed fellow hardworking midfielder Dave Merrick, whose angled shot from the right was beaten aside by Weait. Johnny Lee replaced Ofoe, after Flacker Essex had left the field to be substituted by Joe Gritt, all frown and frump. Incredibly, yet another quick free-kick released O’Connor centrally but Weait snuffed out the danger and after Craig Martin was cautioned for a foul on Gritt, Merrick released O’Connor, er, centrally again but after nudging the ball past the advanced Weait, the forward, shall we say, overbalanced. No foul, so why no caution for O’Connor, the Flackers wondered… Japh Humphries replaced Welch for the hosts and then…

WELCH THE DRUID TRIES OUT A NEW HELMET...

It was the Heathens’ turn to attack again, virtually until the finish of the game: first, Tack fed Woodward, whose smart pass to the unmarked Burnell, right side of the penalty-area, led to the striker’s right-footed clip striking the top of the far upright, before rebounding for a corner off Dunn. Brilliant defending by Kavanagh prevented a late winner by Morris, after initially being beaten in the air by Burnell’s head-on but the defenceman raced back to deflect Morris’ angled shot wide. The ensuing corner was headed wide by Willment but the final Flackwell attack would bring Burnell a booking.

He was away but the referee blew his whistle for full-time… Burnell had claimed pushes on him for much of the afternoon, probably truthfully but his anguish in falling hadn’t moved the official at all and so, when the game had ended in such a manner, the referee rewarded another Burnell gripe with the gift of a yellow card…

This game had not been boring, both teams would feel they could have won it but I guess that both teams also realise that they could have lost it too. Brad Martin and Craig were evident throughout for the hosts, with Kavanagh and Smyliie getting better and better but O’Connor will rue a couple of poor finishes. Ofoe had been lively at times. The Flackers had competed well enough, despite the absence of so many starters and in truth, despite the two problems caused by the Levens’ quick free-kicks and then the vulnerability through the middle later on, the players didn’t deserve to lose. 

So, the Heathens returned across Wessex bruised but not beaten and Decanus Spiderus Craigus Martinus assembled his Contuburnium, also unbeaten and once again applied for a Centurion’s post… Well, he scared me, anyway…

TEAMS:

LONGLEVENS AFC:

OLLIE HALL, RYAN DUNN, CRAIG BEATON, DAVE MERRICK, ED SMYLLIE, LUKE KAVANAGH, CRAIG MARTIN (CAPT), JONTY WELCH, SHAUN O’CONNOR, BRAD MARTIN, DARREN OFOE.

SUBS:

JAPH HUMPHRIES, JOHNNY LEE, MARK HARRIS (GK).

FLACKWELL HEATH:

DAN WEAIT, MITCH WOODWARD, DAN BAYLISS, ADAM MORRIS, JAMES TRIPP, TOM WILLMENT, LIAM TACK, BEN STURGESS (CAPT), JAMIE ESSEX, DAN BURNELL, DAN MOLLOY.

SUBS:

JOE GRITT, MATTY STOCKILL, LIAM WHYTE.