COVENTRY UNITED (Die Manner aus dem Käfig...) 1-0 PERSHORE TOWN: light-hearted match report by THE MOWDOG...

Dogged Pershore Lose Both Plot, Propriety & Points…

Coventry United 1-0 Pershore Town

ITV4’s coverage of the Bundesliga on Monday evenings features the unique Isabella Müller-Reinhardt standing in a German street linking the soccer action and her pronunciations of ‘FC Schalke Null Vier' and ‘Hannover Sechs und Neunzig’ are to be heard to be believed. She is certainly becoming legendary… Obviously, one of Coventry’s twin-cities is Dresden, the capital of the Saxony region, which suffered as Coventry did during World War Two. It sits on the River Elbe and is a port near the Czech Republic border. Known as the ‘Florence of the Elbe’. Dresden was gifted a Cross of Nails by Coventry Cathedral to celebrate the rebuilding of the Frauenkirche, the Church of Our Lady. So, to commemorate both Dresden and Isabella, Coventry United will today be nicknamed ‘Dynamo’, after SG Dynamo Dresden’s 3.Liga team, which plays at the Glücksgas Stadium and tops its league this season too… 

The Glücksgas Stadium...

And of course The Cagemen of Coventry United could now be beautifully described as: ’Die Männer aus dem Käfig’… 

'Godivas'? Surely not...

Isabella Müller-Reinhardt...

Pershore arrived at Sphinx Drive with a sullen determination to take at least a point back to their riverside town, the ‘Florence of the Avon’, utilising two accomplished full-backs to latch onto, harass, shackle and deny the two Dynamo wide-players, Connoll Farrell and Josh O’Grady and for the most part, the plot worked, leaving a stuttering Dynamo team shoving balls forth at Josh Blake, who was being snuffed out by two huge central defenders, leaving the striker like a rat, deep in a World War One trench. With no real offense to speak of, Dynamo’s strengths were evident in central defence, where Jamie Coleman and skipper Callum Burgess held firm, and in central midfield, where Jean Dakouri, he of the offensive arse and birthday lad Gift Mussa both put in tough shifts. Coleman was really frustrated at having nobody to feed the ball to and when Blake complained at the poor service, the defender seemed agitated and irritated. Rightly so too. Mussa would score the winning goal but not until after Town’s Joe Walsh had been dismissed for a second bookable offence by the referee, who made angry sprints whenever he felt like intervening. He made everyone else angry too. O’Grady made more inroads as the game rolled on but his shooting accuracy was like that of a pissed grandfather at a local fairground duck-stall. With no outlets wide, or through the centre, Coventry Dynamo screamed out for someone to direct traffic from midfield, to pick passes and release forwards. That player was not to hand. Home ‘keeper Rich Morris was rarely troubled though and he probably enjoyed actually being able to see at the Tree End of the ground in natural daylight… 

Skipper Craig Connor explains the slope at Pershore's riverside ground...

Walsh was evident in the early skirmishes for the guests and their two central defenders, Shaun Griffiths and James Walker were superbly flanked by Steve Webb and Jake Donnelly in the full-back positions, leaving Dynamo floundering like a canoe without a paddle at times. The visitors did manage a right-wing centre from Webb but the ball ended up striking one of the forwards in rather  a delicate place near his groins, which left the player gasping air and grasping a bag, but both teams were finding creativity as difficult as a poet lacking inspiration. When the growling Dakouri did win possession, Muzzy Nduna nearly freed the midfielder inside the 18 yard box, then Dakouri fed Moudime for a run at inside-right but the defender’s low shot was deflected for a corner. O’Grady’s 24 yard free-kick shot was too high, following a push on Josh Blake. 

Connor and Dakouri..

Few chances were being created, for Town’s defensive mindset left their striker George Coley running channels and hoping, rather than being instrumental in measured offensive play. Dynamo of course were constantly hitting the Pershore wall, which sounds like the Persians were holding out against marauding Greeks in antiquity. The best Dynamo move stemmed from another neat, arse-out Dakouri turn; Moudime fed O’Grady at inside-right, who set up the supporting Mussa at 18 yards for a hurried shot, which rose well over the goal-frame. Vallance was robbed by Donnelly but Coley was unable to capitalise, as he ran right to retrieve a cross-field pass, before Mussa was poleaxed by Walsh in midfield, the move continued and only after complaints by the home players did the easily convinced official have a word with the ex-Littleton midfielder. 

Balanced Vallance...

Nduna, despite his clever feet, was being forced into receiving low passes in Town’s defensive midfield area and he was being hacked from behind at every opportunity by Pershore's tacklers and with Farrell unable to get free to receive service, Nduna was suffering. One kick to the face was excused by the nonchalant official because Nduna had slightly bowed his head… Huh? Nduna did well though, to slip a pass back from the corner-flag towards Vallance, whose cross, although troubling the stretching Town goalie Andy Yarnold, dropped out of play beyond the far post. Vallance, in desperation, shot from 30 yards and then wished he hadn’t, as the trees beyond looked in danger, then Dynamo won a left-wing corner in the closing moments of the half, whereby Burgess rose well but headed O’Grady’s flag-kick past the left upright.

Muzzy is overcome by a close encounter with a giant's boot...

Muzzy thinks he can see a millimetre of blood on his shirt.
The shirt IS red, Muzzy...

The interval was signalled, the players trooped off with Pershore’s Mannschaft hyped up knowing their jobs were half-done and Dynamo trudging from the field with shoulders hunched, like they had been unable to answer any of the questions in a Physics examination because they had been taught the wrong syllabus. Any old how, Nduna was surprisingly replaced at the break, albeit by the combative Ross Briscoe and both teams reappeared to continue the ugly encounter.

A little aerial action from Sphinx Drive...

We still don't know why the referee sprinted 65 yards to natter to a lino'...

O’Grady was the first to threaten, as Dynamo began to attempt to assert themselves in the second period, weaving on the right flank and delivering a far post centre, which Briscoe jumped for, pushed someone and was penalised, even though his header was cumbersome and wide. Walsh then took Dakouri out with another wild challenge, play continued and O’Grady’s right-side centre was headed upwards by one of the giants, Blake challenged and Briscoe nodded the loose ball unconvincingly over the Latte. Walsh’s yellow card was deserved I guess but what happened a little later, after the midfielder had been forced to change his shirt from 8 to 12, due maybe to blood, was the catalyst for the game to turn even uglier in a name-calling kind of way. 

Oh, dear... Walsh is in some trouble...

Joe Walsh leaves the field to play a lament on his wailing guitar...

Coleman and Walsh jumped, the defender fell down, the glabrous referee rushed to the scene and yellow-carded, then red-carded Walsh, like he was being banished. Spectators began to howl derision, Griffiths’ tough challenges became rougher, although the official still seemed more inclined to punish Dynamo’s players for minimal pushes, but then the redundant Farrell suddenly exploded into the left-side of the Stafraum, only to lash the ball into the side-netting. Moudime had gone down hurt for Dynamo but when he recovered and received a short corner-kick from O’Grady, the right-back slammed the ball behind the goal-frame. Griffiths somehow escaped a caution for a blathering of Dakouri, who showed remarkable calmness to avoid retaliation but O’Grady’s too-quickly taken free-kick earned only a left-side corner, which was again taken short to Moudime, who passed to Mussa, but the midfielder’s falling shot was saved low to his left and easily by Yarnold. However, Yarnold had actually stopped a shot… Rich Morris, in the Dynamo goal was still awaiting something to do, other than attempt, in his sheer frustration, to coach his outfield colleagues.

"I grill, I'm Bear,
I'll beat you in the air...
Mozza Rich,
Mozza Rich..."

Players pair up for Maypole dancing...

Superb meandering by O’Grady on the right led to a low stop at his near post by Yarnold but again Moudime wasted a crossing opportunity by slashing the ball behind the goal-frame. Ellis Blakemore replaced the hard-working Coley, who had often been marked by ‘Coler’ (odd that) but more importantly, Moudime was withdrawn for the introduction of Kiam Galdins for the hosts, meaning a back-three, although the willing Galdins dropped back to right-back later. Briscoe was challenged at the edge of the penalty-box, expected the elf meter but received only a Gelbe Karte for apparently diving. Briscoe a Strafraumschwalber? Surely not… Farrell shot wastefully high, following better play by O’Grady, then Farrell was replaced by Charlie Cook. After Adam Laight had replaced Dan Wilkes for the visitors, the unthinkable happened: Dynamo scored from a high centre into the penalty-box and it was a midfielder who endangered his Kopf to net.

"I'm Pierre and I'm a practising non-smiler..."

Coleman fed O’Grady on the right, who twisted and meandered again to the byeline; his cross was headed out by Webb to Galdins, who knocked the ball back to Vallance and it was his delivery into the middle of the 18 yard box which saw Mussa rise with the outrushing Yarnold and the midfielder’s header flew into the net from around the Strafpunkt, although he took the full impact of the ‘keeper’s challenge. TOR! He ignored the pain to celebrate his unlikely birthday Gift…

It's 1-0 as Tricky O'Grady blows into the referee's ear...

The skipper sings a raucous "Happy Birthday..." to 14 year-old goalscorer Gift Mussa...

Torschutzenkönig O’Grady then showed how awful a chap’s shooting can be, with a trio of bad finishes but apparently he injured part of his hand in the opening half, so that might have been Tricky for his balance… First he cut inside from the right and dragged a low shot past the near upright, after a Cook delivery had flown across the penalty-area, then O’Grady cut inside again but drove hard and very, very wide. Yarnold went down to field a low Cook free-kick, a long ball fell from behind Briscoe onto his tricep and he was hilariously penalised for ‘hands’ and finally, following Morris’ rush, slide and block to concede a corner, as Webb overlapped on the Pershore right, O’Grady found himself alone, durch die Mitte, with only Yarnold to beat: his third chance… Unbelievably, he opened out his frame and side-footed the ball with his left boot 7 yards wide of the left Pfosten. Blake was hovering to O’Grady’s left but from that position, so close to the goal, in truth it would have been incredibly rare for any player to pass up a shot at the target… But Tricky missed it.

"I'm OK, I just recall the sun flashing off my boots..." complains Ross Briscoe...

Kiam Galdins sings the German National Anthem to the audience...

"I know!" says Martin Hutchcox... "Let's do impressions of Pierre Moudime..."
Yep. That was successful.

Blake threatened at the right post when Coleman’s high delivery caused some chaos but it appeared like the forward was upended by the fortunate Griffiths, although the annoying referee was unmoved. Then, Cook got clear on the Dynamo left, he took on the skilful Town skipper Craig Connor, was barged across the touchline illegally but then the Angreifer appeared to plant a foot onto the opponent’s calf, for which the chasing, excitable official awarded Cook a straight red card… Ten against ten for the final moments then and suddenly there was an incident in the grandstand between spectators and Griffiths the tall Verteidiger waded in, left the pitch and attempted to climb into the seating area, which of course should be an instant Rote Karte. The player was forcibly restrained, Dakouri remarked, “Calm down, young fellow m’lad…” and incredibly, the Schiedsrichter only cautioned Griffiths, who had earlier run risks with tackles throughout the match.

The referee is about to be assessed on a form.
Not very positively, I reckon...

Charlie Cook discovers a novel way to display his tattoos...

Trouble in the shed...

OMG: is that Ian Holloway refereeing?

Griffiths is mightily displeased...

It's fine now...

I would really like to see the referee’s assessment report for the match… Or will the assessor close ranks? Both teams will be frustrated about the day’s events. 

The best moment of the game, Mussa’s strike apart, came in the final moments, when a Dynamo clearance bounced towards their dugout, where replacement Coventry ‘keeper and Coach Joe Connor simply tipped the ball over the dugout roof to waste a second or two. It was worth videoing… Dynamo ran out the clock and won eins-null…

The brave Pershore fight for a point was forlorn in the end, due to three reckless tackles in midfield but so much credit must go to Town for their perseverance and lockdown of the Coventry offense. Tom Fishwick was an inspiration throughout and Peter Jenvey was tireless in the workhouse but it was all not quite enough. United? A real struggle, during which their effectiveness was nullified and their lack of alternatives was bared. Mittelfeldspieler Dakouri and colleague Mussa somehow worked out a winning strategy from sheer physical effort in the end and once again, Dynamo snatched a winner…

Isabella Müller-Reinhardt would have been delighted at the result and her parting words, with barely a wave of her fingers, would have been: 

“Bye-bye…”

It’s what she does…

Brian Ndlovu? Merely on the bench: a Bankholzsplinterimarschverletzung…

My Dynamo Dresden polo-shirt is winging its way from Germany as I write this… 

No joke...

Watch out, Coventry… 

COVENTRY UNITED AUFSTELLUNG:

Rich Morris, Pierre Moudime, Ben Vallance, Gift Mussa, aged 14, Jamie Coleman, Callum Burgess (Capt), Josh O’Grady, Jean Dakouri, Josh Blake, Muzzy Nduna, Connoll Farrell.

SUBS: 

Chris Cox, Charlie Cook, Kiam Galdins, Ross Briscoe, Joe Connor.

PERSHORE TOWN AUFSTELLUNG:

Andy Yarnold, Steve Webb, Jake Donnelly, Tom Fishwick, Shaun Griffiths, James Walker, Craig Connor (Capt), Joe Walsh, George Coley, Peter Jenvey, Dan Wilkes.

SUBS: 

Matt Mitchell, Adam Laight, Ellis Blakemore, Scott Walsh.

GLOSSARY

TOR - GOAL; ELF METER - PENALTY; LATTE - CROSSBAR;

PFOSTEN - POST; STRAFRAUM - PENALTY BOX;

STRAFPUNKT - PENALTY SPOT; AUFSTELLUNG - LINE UP;

MANNSCHAFT - TEAM; VERTEIDIGER - DEFENDER;

ANGREIFER - ATTACKER; MITTELFELDSPIELER - MIDFIELDER;

STRAFRAUMSCHWALBER - DIVER;

TORSCHUTZENKONIG - LEADING SCORER;

SCHIEDSRICHTER - REFEREE; GELBE KARTE - YELLOW CARD;

ROTE KARTE - RED CARD; DURCH DIE MITTE - THROUGH THE MIDDLE;

BANKHOLZSPLINTERIMARSCHVERLETZUNG - WOODEN BENCH SPLINTER-IN-THE-ARSE INJURY…